Newsflash

Singaporeans are still generally stupid.
Yep.
Had to say it.
If you've read my previous post,
you'll get what I'm talking about.

And if you haven't,
and especially if you're not interested in doing so,
well then...
I respect your decision.
Now go fuck yourself in the ass with a spiky dynamite.

Anyway,
I've got a to-do list in front of me.
And an even longer one in my head.

So many things to go.
So little time (shut up).
And my nose is still running like a goddamn marathon runner on crack.

Had a sort of epiphany this past weekend.
I think I already knew it,
just didn't realize it.


I hate work.
Yes, another motherfucking newsflash.
I am so very, very unique.

Anyway, yeah.
I hate working in general.

I do like sales.
But I didn't think too deeply about the why. 

Sure, I liked interacting with prospects and clients
and helping them fulfill their needs (now how on earth could this possibly be misconstrued, hmm?).
And the feeling of closing a deal.
Holy shit I love that feeling. Especially if it was a long shot to begin with.
That high. That high is what I'm constantly after.

But I delved a little deeper and understood what it is that I'm passionate about.
And in the process of doing so,
understood a little more about myself.

I'm fucking deep, man.

So what did I learn?
I like creating something from scratch,
something useful for people;
something they need or would very much like to have,
and sell a sizeable amount,
to make a lot of money in a relatively short period of time.

Yeah, I know... I know... who the fuck doesn't want that?

I'm not talking about millions here.
I'm talking about maybe starting up a company selling this product I've created,
running it for a short period of time and making a tidy profit on top of paving the way
for more profit to come,
enhancing the value to potential buyers.

The target is $100,000 in revenue per quarter.
And after 6 months to a year, I would sell the business for about $1 million.
Even if there were potential for it to become even more successful,
and even if the value were much higher,
I would rather pocket the money,
and start working on another project.
And then another.
And so on.

I like working intensely for a short period,
I always have.
22-hour days, for 6 months is fine with me (not really)(fuck off),
if there's the promise of a big reward at the end,
and a break of about a month or two.

Like back in my previous role,
I really liked how you needed to put in maximum effort for 3 months
in order to gain a sizeable bonus at the end of each quarter.

Though there wasn't a month-long break,
you still kind of got a break at the beginning of each quarter.

That is what I would like to do.
It's not going to be easy,
but eh, fuck it.

I want it.
I just need to want it badly enough.

Well enough of that.
















 

Seriously?

My nose is running,
I'm exhausted from coughing through the night,
and it just hit that I've yet to have my usual morning coffee.

Made the mistake of reading some of
the comments posted by Singaporeans
on The Real Singapore.

Not going to link to that site,
or the particular article.

I've seen too many similar comments
on many local articles,
not just from the above-mentioned site.

Man, it's like they were all dropped multiple times as babies.
Those people are just a few steps away from starring in any show about dumb criminals
which make people wonder 'Why in the hell would they do that??'

Now yea, I know... I know...
My English isn't perfect.

But goddammit,
if you're trying super-hard to come across as intelligent,
at the very least observe the BASIC RULES OF GRAMMAR.

And how do I know these mentally-challenged asshats
are trying to sound smart?
Easy. They usually straight up tell the author, or the commentator they disagree with...
that they are stupid.
Or they'll respond with insults 'Learn to thinks with your brains you is stupids!'
Something like that.

As if bad English isn't enough,
their arguments are usually vacuous.
Ok fuck that.
They just sound stupid.
Really stupid arguments that using the logic of 5 year-olds (no offense to actual 5 year-olds).

There was an article about how a first-time visitor from Vietnam
was detained at the airport for about 7 hours and deported (after being charged $189),
without having been given any reason, or even a receipt for what she was charged for.

And there were more than a few commentators implying that she was a prostitute...
that she'd done something wrong...
or maybe her friend waiting for her in Singapore had a bad record...  and so ad nauseam.

The stench of their stupid bigotry can be smelled from miles away.
And the logic! Oh my GOD the sheer lack of it.

First of all,
you stupid fucks,
the onus should be on the ICA to provide evidence of her supposed guilt.
Or at the very least, a reason should be given.

Are these idiots really OK with government agencies
having so much power with so little transparency?

Of course they are,
having come off of the conveyor belt education system,
and opened wide and swallowed the government's bullshit.

Yea, they'll keep us 'safe' as long as we let them do whatever the fuck they want to do.

It's all fine and dandy... until it happens to you.
Until then, you're more than happy to sit on your high horse (which is actually pig that has greater a intellect than you) and throw stones.

Every time I come across online Singaporean comments,
I lose even more faith in the education system,
and Singaporeans as a whole.
And trust me, the glass wasn't exactly full in the first place.

Singaporeans,
especially those who have gone through the entire local education system...
from the primary school all the way through to a local university.
This is my opinion of them: Imagine the dumbest racist rednecks you could find in the US.
Multiply their stupidity by 2 = Locally-educated Singaporeans.

And yes, of course there are exceptions.
But by and large, that's my opinion of them.

And the group that actually takes the time to post online comments like the ones I've mentioned?
Those are the ones at the very bottom of the barrel.
That little bit of coffee left at the bottom of the cup that nobody wants to touch.
The dumbest of the dumb.

Well enough of that

Superb Monday

Been a while since I've last posted.
In fact, I think it's been a full two weeks since my dengue-like fever that I've even THOUGHT about posting.

And of course naturally,
my English has suffered.
Not greatly.
But I'm struggling once again to form coherent sentences
to release my thoughts from the prison in my head.

Yea, kind of a lame-ass attempt to sound 'deep'.
Go fuck yourself.
Now. Seriously.
Great.

Anyway, I'm not too sure what exactly to write about.
Just that I know I need to write something.

Maybe about the fever.
Man that was a major pain in the ass.
A hundred blankets wouldn't have been able to get the chill out.

The fact that I'm starting to feel just a bit feverish right now,
thanks to a very slight sore throat,
is really making this Monday extra-crappy.

What else shall I write about, eh?
Oh yeah.
My idea.

Create a tiny GPS tracker for toddlers.
It needs to already be in existence. I'm not exactly in the mood (or have the ability)
to re-invent the goddamn wheel.

The trick is to get the GPS chip,
put it in the nice, easy-to-use package for parents and carers.

Then include an app for use with it.
The target audience is of course, the new mommies.
So the packaging also needs to be aesthetically pleasing to them.
Pink ponies and stuff like that, I don't know.

A rough idea is floating around in my head.
Maybe I'll try to incorporate my current company's tech.
No need for a new app to be developed. Just configure an existing one.

Alright, I'm getting ahead of myself right now.
First step is to locate the damn chip.
Shouldn't be too much  of a problem. I hope.

Well enough of that

Half-Life

This Ramadhan has been almost a waste.
Almost.

I have not yet gained the capability to pray on a regular basis.
I'm still stopping suddenly before I even get started,
or mid-way through.

For the latter, the thought of doing something wrongly
would slowly creep up, get bigger and bigger,
and reach a crescendo which forces me to just... stop.

This has rarely happened during the month,
for which I am thankful.
Been able to ignore it most of the time lately.

As for stopping before I even get started,
a part of me KNOWS that I should just proceed.
I KNOW that.
My inner voice screams at me sometimes to just keep going.

But for some reason I just... stop.

And it's a damn shame.
More work needs to be done,
though I had hoped to overcome this before Eid.
About 7 more days left, and I will try and salvage what I can.

Was that interesting for you?
Nope?
This is where I would normally include some colourful, creative language.
But not right after talking about prayers.

So um,
go away. Yeah. You got that right.

There are quite a number of other things that I'd like to talk about,
namely Lee Kuan Yew's racism, and racist policies directed towards the Malays.
Unfortunately I don't have too much time on my hands.

Just a really brief one.
Judging by his comments on the poll results of when the Israeli official (can't remember which position, exactly) sometime in the 60's (I think),
he basically declared that Malays were untrustworthy and should be monitored.

Never mind the fact that the mainstream media was basically controlled by his party,
and has a history of asking leading questions (Google the AsiaOne survey on the recent strike by the PRC bus drivers)...

There are a few other factors that I've probably forgotten to mention,
but don't have the time to think hard about or try to recall.

Basically what he said was 'See? They don't agree with me! NOT LOYAL!'
Emotive. Sensationalist. Appeals to the inner bigot in people.

He was trying to divide the population,
and cement his support in Singapore.

But what really gets me is how the Chinese population BOUGHT IT.
Sure, not all.
I've said before, there are always exceptions.

And back then,
without the internet,
it would've been so much easier to manipulate the population once you hold all the levers of influence.

Still.
COME ON.

Are you seriously kidding me?
Man that was so obvious.

Instead of uniting the population,
he successfully divided it.
And they just went along with...

And some people still wonder
where the negative perception of Malays amongst the Chinese comes from.

Yea, a real mystery.


Well enough of that.

Within Sight

I will get fired.
Not quite sure when. Maybe this month, maybe the next.
But after a pleasant exchange
with the CEO yesterday morning during the sales meeting,
I am left with very little doubt that it will happen.

Oh don't worry,
I'll be talking more about that meeting further below.

What's that?
You weren't worried? Seriously?
Oh thank GOD!!!

Now go fuck yourself.
Yep. There we go... 

Jenia's PR application is in August.
So the plan for now is to keep my head low,
and stay in this gig long enough to get that letter
which verifies my employment.

My plan is to last long enough until the end of August.

I've already begun searching for new gigs.
And the most depressing aspect about it?
After about two weeks, I only have a SINGLE phone interview.
Not even the actual interview, by the way.
Just the initial screening call.

I have about 4 years' worth of sales experience.
And not a single call-back?
Not a single goddamn interview?

All this while, my former White and Chinese colleagues
and friends continue to get offers and go from job to job...
LinkedIn titles changing after just a few months or so.
That fast.
So easy.
So easy compared to how guys like me have it.

Now don't get me wrong,
I'm not saying racism isn't the ONLY aspect.
But to not even get an interview?
Sometimes despite having more experience.

To not even be given a change?

Nope. Racism is the only issue.
But it's a big motherfucking thing.

A level playing field. Is that too much to ask for?
Apparently if your skin tone is not the right shade,
then it is.

Fuck them.
I've come this far.
I'll keep moving.
Hell, all I need is one interview.

So back to that early morning meeting.
Ever since I've joined - and I had a feeling this would happen-
my director and the CEO have contradicted themselves a few times.

Now I'm not talking about minor things
like saying they don't like cocks up the ass,
while visiting the Cock-Up-Ass club on a regular basis.
Nope (not that there's anything wrong with that).

Major things.
At least to me.
Such as sales updates.
In fact, I distinctly remember the CEO saying how it would be a waste of time
to keep updating him on the status of opportunities,
thus giving the impression that you're free to close the deals any which way you choose...
as long as the deals close.

But nope.
Nearly every time there is a sales meeting,
he's always grilling us on minute details.

Which brings me to one of the most annoying aspects.
Straight up pisses me off sometimes.

Asking about minute details of the opportunities slated
for discussion is one thing.
Asking for minute details of loosely-related things ('Tell me all about that proposal you wrote 4 months ago! WHAT? You don't know EVERY single thing listed in there? WHY DON'T YOU KNOW RIGHT NOW??') is a whole other motherfucking thing.

Saw him grill a colleague of mine and made him look downright incompetent.
Seriously?
Just because the guy has a different approach?
THE OBJECTIVE IS THE SAME.
You would think a CEO would know there's more than one way to skin a tiger.

But nope.
Dumbass peppers insults along with what he thinks is valuable 'advice'.

This kind of approach has got me on edge.
There's almost no way of actually preparing.

You could prepare as much detail as you want on your existing opportunities.
But you never know when he might make a demand for details on something you did MONTHS ago.

These past few months,
I've noticed myself become more timid...
become less inclined to speak up.
It's made me nervous.

I fucking hate it.
Something has to give.

At the same time,
I do have immense respect for director,
though of course he does have his flaws.

He is an excellent Account Manager.
But as a manager, maybe not so much. He's too focused,
and his view sometimes becomes myopic.

We normally have to end up doing things his way.
But he does not try to intimidate you.
Tries very, very hard to motivate and mentor.

Gave me a shot when he had absolutely no reason to.

So there is another part to my plan.
While searching for another gig,
I will give my best and close the 3 large deals I have in my pipeline.

When I leave, I will leave with a bang.

Well enough of that

What. The. Fuck.

OK, so my wife is working now.
I should be happy she's occupied. Hell, I AM happy for her, I truly am.

At the same time,
I can't help feeling something else...
Like a mixture of jealousy and anxiety.

She is working in a place full of Russians.
Every single person working there is a Russian.
There's nothing wrong with that (although MOM might not share that view!).

Nothing wrong with working amongst Russians either.
Ah goddammit now I'm starting to sound like a motherfucking bigot ('no, no... nothing wrong with Muslims, but...'

Before I carry on,
I'm just gonna say that this is my thing.
It is MY issue, for me to deal with. Not hers.

So where was I?
Oh yeah.
The Russians.

So why am I bothered?
Cheating (again, I fucking KNOW) seems to be such a common thing,
that overall,
it just doesn't seem to be that big of a deal.

That, and their love of alcohol.

Now yeah,
she doesn't drink.
But it's not a hard rule for her, like it is for me.

If she really wanted to, or had to (for example, due to pressure at a social event),
she could, and might just do it.
And it's not going to be a gigantic thing for her.
Would be crazy to expect it of her.

I'm concerned,
because even if she hates being pressured into doing something (who the hell does, really?),
even if there were no obligation on her part,
she would still do it.
And has, in the past.

For example,
at a recent family gathering,
she and another female relative were pressured
into going round the room and bowing to the rest of her relatives.
Don't get me wrong, it was supposed to be a fun thing,
but she really, really didn't want to do it...
and did it anyway.

So back to her current workplace.
There is already an air of... infidelity? Nope.
Apparently her boss and his wife have an open relationship.
An air of... promiscuity. I think that's more accurate.

More like just a hint.
I'm not saying the whole office goes round and round humping each other on a regular basis.

But just that hint is enough to make me uneasy.
Maybe it's because of my upbringing, my religious beliefs. I'll get back to this point later.

So what else?
She's been invited to her boss' wife's birthday party tonight.
And she didn't deign to be bring me along.
This is probably my fault.
I'd established a pattern of meeting with my friends without inviting her.
Main reason for that was to avoid any DLV's. Which in itself is a DLV.
But nonetheless, I need to be fair.
Still bothers, me though.

This is the wife who has an open marriage.
And she will be at an event where there will be only Russians,
and of course, lots of alcohol.

In my mind,
she will be pressured to drink ('come on, just one sip!').
This is my being paranoid. What with her having given in to pressure in the past.
(This reminds me. I need to be more consistent with adhering to my own values).

And if it is at a company event (and come on, it is),
and the boss' wife pressures her to drink...
well, yeah.

Would have more trust in her otherwise,
but then again,
she also has a habit of changing her mind when it suits her.

Add to the mix how easily she is moved by emotion (woman. real shocker there!),
and well...
let's just say if I were a guy there and I were interested in her,
it would be quite easy when alcohol is added to the mix.

But again, it's just my being paranoid as hell.
I wish she'd invited me along, but eh, that's not really the issue.

It feels like I'm heading towards a place where a significant event will happen.
Like a student waiting for the exam to come...

And it's wrong.
This is something I need to address. Maybe find someone to talk to.

In the back of my mind,
I know... I know... ANYONE could change their mind.
Each person is an individual.

I could be married to a pious woman...
who eventually changes her mind.

Just because she changes her mind about some things,
does not mean she will change her mind about say, drinking or cheating.

On the way to work,
it even bothered me to realize that she knows how wearing shorts
would excite me (and other men).

And she wears them even when going out alone.

I cannot begrudge her wanting to feel confident and look attractive (I mean damn man, who doesn't want to feel confident??).

But her past actions has in my mind,
created a sort of pattern.

It's something I need to address myself.
She has done nothing wrong.

And at the bottom of this post,
I realize that I pretty much painted Russians as consistently horny, immoral, adulterous assholes.
Come the fuck on.

I need to have more faith in my beloved wife.
And what I can do, is improve myself.

IF she does ever cheat on me.
It's over. That will never change.

Not saying that she will,
but knowing that there is a plan B.
Knowing that there is going to be a decent life even if it does happen.
Having the knowledge that I do now (game, chiefly!), makes me feel much better.

An insurance policy.

Well enough of that

Dark Clouds

2.25pm, and I'm freezing in the office despite having two jackets on.
The sunlight on the other side of the window mocks me.

Anyway, I'm pretty glad the whole 'Cheating-is-not-a-big-deal' episode is finally over.
Oh there will be serious problems in the future, you can bet your ass on that.
But this gives me hope that we will be able to work things out.

Been a while since I've been here.
Need to keep writing, keep posting.
I feel the struggle to remain articulate starting to get harder again.

Lately I've been almost obsessed with getting my designs up on Threadless and Design by Humans.
Plan is to have 10, followed by 100 winning designs, earning me about $100,000.
Yep.
If only it were that easy.

Spent the whole weekend on one crappy-ass design that
I was eventually not satisfied with, but submitted anyway because a) I was out of time and b) I was fucking exhausted.

And in my rush to earn that pot of gold (unlikely),
I made one mistake after another in terms of DHV and DLV.

Yep. You've still got to run game on your wife.
And now that I think about it,
I'd consistently justified myself, qualified myself, and inadvertently sought her approval.
Hell, a few times I couldn't even make a proper decision.

Time to review the 77 Laws.
Stem the bleeding.

I remember a PUA talking about mistakes.
You acknowledge them, appreciate them, then learn from them and move on.

That is what I need to do.


Well enough of that, bitches.