On the Road

I only have 10 minutes (maybe less),
and Windows seems determined to fuck it up for me so my whole day
can continue to feel shitty.

About an hour ago, or maybe two,
I read about an article about the things happy couples do (shut up).

One of those things was giving at least two 20-second hugs a day.
And you know what occurred to me?
I didn't want to do it.
Didn't feel like it.

Even kissing her on the lips feels almost forced.

Now don't get me wrong,
I don't hate her.
But for the first time,
I could see us splitting up and just being... friends.
Scares me a little.
But gave me a bit of relief as well.

As friends,
we can still raise our daughter.
She'll still experience the love of two parents.

So why am I feeling this way?
I'm tired, man.

Tired of always initiating sex,
tired of always making the move to enhance intimacy.

Tired of putting on that fake smile whenever shes asks if I'm
OK with the lack of sex,
whenever there's a drought (which seem to get longer and longer and longer each damn time).

I have to give a fake smile,
because saying it's NOT OK will lead to an argument
about how the atmosphere isn't right,
she just doesn't feel like it, etc.

That question is not to see if I'm OK.
It's to make herself feel better about withholding sex.
And when I don't reaffirm that,
apparently I become the asshole.

I can't remember the last time we had sex.
It seems like as soon as she knew she was pregnant,
as soon as she knew she's got what she wanted,
that was it.

I've had enough of this shit.
But I'll need to time it properly.

Can't split now,
with a newborn,
in a country far away from her family and friends.

When we finally manage to return to Korea,
that's when I'll put the wheels into motion.

Maybe things will change before then.
Maybe.
But after two years, I don't see that happening.

I can cheer up though.
We have a beautiful, smart baby girl.

And this also gives me the time to get back in shape both mentally and physically.
Once the door opens,
I'll be in the best condition I can be to get back on track.

Well enough of that.

Sydney Hostage Crisis

It was around mid-afternoon when it appeared in my Facebook feed:

An armed group had taken people hostage in a Sydney cafe.

Reminds me of when I first heard about 9-11,

when I was working out in a gym.

This is not a disclaimer.

I truly hope those held hostage are released and get to go home to their families.

So many emotions running through me right now.

Unlike when I first heard about 9-11,

I had no idea what the repercussions were going to be for innocent Muslims.

Now I do.

Man, I'm so skeptical that I wouldn't be surprised if decades later

we found out that it was a false flag operation.

I mean, how convenient for the current Australian government, eh?

Month after month of drumming up fear and hatred of 'those scary Muslims' 

to justify expansive, more invasive laws for 'security'.

And suddenly this happen?

I mean, what is the upside for the hostage-takers, really?

The rabid bigots will foam at the mouth screaming that all they care about is 

sowing 'terror'.

Right.

But for the Aussie government, hoo boy!

Just what they needed, man.

Who's going to stop them from passing the laws now?

And the bigots who were apprehensive about revealing their true nature

can now bask in self-righteousness in condemning 

an entire group of people,

most of whom just want to go to a cafe,

eat at a restaurant,

send their kids to school...

I've already come across so many comments

talking about 'Savage Muslims' against the 'Civilized West'.

Never mind the fact that Muslims in the West are part of their so-called 'Civilized West'.

Never mind the fact that so-called Western countries have been waging incredibly destructive wars

in predominantly Muslim countries decade after decade after decade.

Your cafe is being attacked?

They get attacked in their homes. Captured and tortured while on the way to buy bread.

War is being waged upon them.

Are people really so fucking dense to think that the war will remain firmly within the victims' borders?

I'm tired of formulating logical arguments against these motherfucking bigots.

These are the ones who are willfully blind.

They need to see 'the others' as different from who they are.

The lies they tell themselves as they chant repeatedly in their thick skulls "We are good, we are good!"

No. You're fucking evil.

This incident just drives home the point for me:

Get enough money to retire somewhere quiet, out of the way.

My little girl does not need to hear cowardly grown men shouting at her

for being what she is: A Muslim.

We will live in the countryside, 

on a farm with maybe a few goats or sheep. A few chickens maybe. Ponies too, maybe.

Yea that would be nice.

Precautions

I see the signs.
Some of which are so obvious,
that it's like they're screaming out at me.

The ones that men say they saw early on but ignored.
Or the ones that they tried to counter, but failed.
The men who have gone through the pain of divorce,
of losing their kids.

Some were lucky.
Got out without kids.
Not because they wouldn't have loved them,
but because they don't have to experience
the incredible sorrow that can only
come when kids are used as tools to hurt you.

Some weren't lucky. Aren't lucky.
Some realized too late.
And some stayed on,
wallowing in misery... for the kids.
Won't that misery affect the kids too?
I don't know.
They thought it was best at the time.
And besides,
if you're a guy in Singapore
or any other country in the 'West' (meh, probably anywhere in the world),
the chances of getting custody of your kids,
are slim.

Joint custody, sure.
Maybe twice a month.
Maybe.
And even then,
if she restricts your access,
too fucking bad.
Keeping paying child support and maintenance (Singapore).
Whether you get to see your kids or not is a different story.

So yeah.
The signs.

She wanted a child,
even though we'd agreed to wait until we after we'd got an apartment.
I mean, I knew what could happen of course.
Unprotected sex.
Sure.

But it just hit me.
After she knew she was pregnant,
we haven't had any sex.
None.
We almost tried once.
Didn't work out.

It's just oral sex.
And I could sense the reluctance.
Faint, but still there.

This is just the latest sign.
There are many others,
but for the life of me my mind has just went blank.
Maybe it's the fatigue.

Or maybe I'm just paranoid.
I remembered them just a few moments ago,
on the way back from the store.

Or maybe the (probably inevitable) scenario
of hot having any kind of sex for years,
while staying for our kid
has thrown me off course.

No. I will not.
I will not be miserable.

Maybe she's doing it without realizing it.
Maybe she does know exactly what she's doing.

Doesn't matter.
I will not be trapped in a miserable marriage.
I will not.

Doesn't mean I have to start getting out,
trying to get with other women.
Doesn't mean I need to start treating her like crap,
being rude or distant.
No.

It just means I need to be aware and take precautions.
Keep fit.
Become attractive.
Re-learn those skills, and sharpen them from time to time.

Be in a position where,
IF it does happen,
I'll be in a decent enough position to weather the storm.

Maybe I'm paranoid,
and reading too much into nothing.

But the signs are there.
Maybe the storm will change course and avoid us.

But it's always better to be prepared.

The first thing to focus on is to get fit.
Get that physique I want. I need.

Well enough of that.

On the Precipice

Man, I really need to reduce these gaps between posts.
It's been a while, and as is usually the case,
things are not quite peachy.

I originally wanted to post about racism in Singapore.
Specifically, Chinese racism towards minorities.
Once again, as I face the spectre of unemployment,
the lack of interview offers has reminded me of just how bad it still can get
here in this shit country.

When a Chinese ex-colleague who is less-qualified
and less experienced is able to jump back and forth between jobs,
and has no problems getting interviews for superior jobs,
then you know something is still the fuck up.

I'm officially a director now. And I can't even get a motherfucking interview.

Yeah, maybe it's not about race each and every time.
But think about it this way: If you happen to be Chinese,
you don't need to worry about it.

If you didn't get the job, it's likely someone more suitable for the role did.
Unless that person happens to be White,
which is a whole other story.

And if you happen to be a Chinese Singaporean who is upset about losing out
to a lesser-experienced White person,
then to you I say this:

HOW DOES IT FEEL, BITCH?

Now I do understand that this will just appear
to you as more whining,
and I agree with you.
Completely.

Now go fuck yourself with a flaming chainsaw.

There's so much more I'd like to write,
but the office is not exactly the most conducive of places.

And my mind feels... blank.

Well enough of that.

Fucking Arrogant Religious Teachers

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What. The.

Sunday morning,
and my eyelids are still heavy.

Once again,
after reading and hearing about Islamphobic,
or bigoted comments,
I find myself struggling to find the words to form a coherent argument
to rebut those dumbass, ignorant cocksuckers (those last three words didn't take much thought, though).

For example.
it just popped into my mind Lee Kuan Yew's bullshit argument
about how because Malays (the indigenous minority) and Muslims (most of whom are Malays)
slowed down Singapore's economic progress due to their... increased religiosity.

Never mind the fact that he produced zero factual evidence.
Oh I'm sure he has a few anecdotes for which we have to take his word for,
or strawman arguments to support his bullshit case.

Never mind that.
And let's assume that it is true how Muslims in Singapore became more religious (again, no proof).

Since he placed himself and his family's ass firmly
in the leadership position (how he did it is a whole other long, disturbing story),
shouldn't he be taking responsibility for not adapting the demographic changes?

Man, he and his family and cronies just love (LOVE!) to
go on and on and on about how they brought Singapore progress and prosperity.
You know, as if ordinary Singaporeans had so little to do with it,
being simple-minded and all.

Oh, and worry not! They also rewarded themselves based on
how much they feel their contribution is worth (Lee Kuan Yew is a billionaire).

So yeah,
he loves taking the credit for Singapore's success (if you can call it that).

But when problems arise?
Oh it's always this group's fault, or that one's.
It's never theirs.

I'd probably get more and more pissed off
the more I think about it.

So instead,
I'll focus on the Pram Site business plan.

Well enough of that

Disintegration

Yeah, yeah, just a little exaggeration.
A little too dramatic.

I was thinking of a milder word to use,
when it hit me: Holy shit I can't!

Maybe it's the fatigue.
But not writing for about a month or so probably has something to do with it too.

My wife's out of the hospital,
and both baby and mother are safe.
Man, that's a relief.
I didn't show it, but when I found out the tummy aches
were contractions (at only 6 months),
it genuinely scared me.

It's the 25th of Sep,
and this is the first time I've resumed writing a post
I accidentally left unfinished.

Hell, it's the first time I've ever left a post unfinished.

So I missed all but one session yesterday.
And this morning I missed the first one.

Laziness. And a bit of was-was.
Today will be different. It has to be.
I've seen the alternative path,
gone through it.

Things have to change.

There's so many things I want to write about.
The Start-Up Challenge, my business ideas,
arguments against ignorant, misleading Islamophobic statements and articles,
the continuation of my action hero story...

But dear GOD am I tired.
Even now I can feel myself struggling to find the words.

One thing's for sure.
Nothing changes until I make the move.
Tired as I am, mentally and physically,
unless I dig myself out of this hole,
no one else is going to do it for me.

And now that I've got others depending upon me
to be the stable one,
the rock,
I've got the kind of motivation I've never had before.
I hope I don't feel it right this moment due to the fatigue.
But things will have to change.

Instead of suicide,
my target has changed (unexpectedly, I know)(shut the fuck up).

Now, it's retirement. At 40.
Go all out. Burn out the engine. Wear the tyres down to the spokes, and let the sparks fly.

And when it's all over, I'll check out.
Live in the countryside,
and be at peace with my wife and child.

My child,
who will be protected from all the hatred directed towards Muslims.
Growing up, she shall not have to ask me why her classmates' parents hate her.
Why she is supposed a horrible person.

No. She will not.
This is a promise.

Well enough of that

Countdown

Just getting to this page was a struggle, man.
The reluctance (laziness?) was almost overwhelming,
the slightest delay magnifying the urge to just forget about it and head to bed.

But it's important that I write.
Critical, in fact.

I must use the tools available to me,
to keep them sharp.
Hell, I don't even know if they're all that sharp anymore,
or if they ever were.

Am I still able to form coherent, logical arguments?
Can I still recognize those trying to manipulate me through words?
I think so. I hope so. Though I can feel it slipping through my fingers,
like a bag filled with heavy stones.

I'll have to keep it short,
being sleepy and all.
The fact that I'm sleepy during the day most of the time does not bode well for next week,
when I start my new job.

So I'll talk about this: Gaza.

Here's the thing. There's so much information out there about who is responsible for what,
and the patterns of behaviour throughout the decades of occupation.

But I want to talk about the innocent civilians who have been massacred,
and continue to be targeted still by the fucking Zionists.

Whenever those civilians - especially children - are brought up,
it riles me whenever someone attempts to deflect the attention.
Fucking pisses me off.

When someone brings attention to such a tragedy,
and your first response is 'Yeah, but look over there at what OTHER people are doing!',
then you are severely lacking that bit called 'humanity',
and I have zero respect for you.

You are scum. One of the lowest of the low.

Not only do you disregard the loss of innocent lives,
you're trying to get others to do the same.

And that is something I will not let abide.
Be rest assured there are those who will oppose you
and the ones you support.

You can be rest assured of that, motherfucker.

Well enough of that

Warped

It's been a bittersweet day.
I've finally begun the process of paying back the decades (!) of prayers owed. By just one.
One small step, and I hope it continues.

So I've just been in a weird situation,
which shouldn't have been weird at all.
But my mind went blank,
and I had no idea what to say.
In my own home.

I'm a mixture of emotions right now,
but the best course of action I believe is to file this incident away,
along with a canned response I have attached to it for future, similar incidents.

And after I end this post,
I'll be moving swiftly on.
Nothing like dwelling on an incident
to overreact the next time something similar happens.

My little sister had gone out to the hall,
and told my younger brother that my mother wanted to sleep outside.
He was folding clothes and watching the news.

When she came out a second time,
I really should've said something,
but for the life of me,
I didn't.

Was it because I didn't want a debate?
Was it because I felt my authority had eroded somewhat?

He has a history of questioning,
making you justify WHY.

But it shouldn't have been a problem for me.
When all else fails,
I can just use 'Just because'.
Also I'm much bigger. Physical objections won't get very far with me.

There's been a slew of unrelated incidents recently,
incidents which I normally go out of my way to avoid.
But in the end, after going through them,
resolving them,
it turns out I really needed to confront those fears, or more accurately, apprehensions.

This is another one.
I will not remain quiet any longer.

So many things going on in this world right now,
particularly the massacre in Gaza.

The daily news (alternative and mainstream)(whatever the hell that means)
makes the world seem like a bleak, depressing place to be in.

I feel for the victims.
But it's important that I pay close attention to my own life,
and not fill my thoughts solely with that type of news.
More positivity is needed. Optimism. Humour.
When I am balanced, will I be in a better position to make the world a better place.


Also, fuck France.

Well, enough of that

Blurry

Not sure if I'm still sleepy,
but I don't really feel it,
except for the fog that's clouding my thoughts,
almost preventing me from forming critical arguments.

Or maybe it's the lack of constant writing.
It's become so easy to let others do the thinking for me,
to form the arguments,
and to just agree with them.

George Galloway, Norman Finkelstein, Glenn Greenwald, Noam Chomsky, amongst others.
Now don't get me wrong,
I trust them, trust their judgement.
They shed light on the dark things in the corners of society,
things that need to be revealed.

But once you start to simply go along with their arguments,
and heavily rely on them to shape and articulate your thoughts on certain issues,
you start to erode your own critical thinking skills.
At least, that's what I feel is happening to me.

And there's so much to think about.
Besides having to counter the usual rubbish that flows
out of Islamophobes' mouths,
I need to think about setting up the smoothie business.
The things I'll need.
How much will it all cost? What's the timeline I'm looking at here?

My mind is being frustratingly sluggish.

But things are looking up.
 
I'm praying regularly now,
combating was-was.
Sometimes I do have bad days,
and I can feel the retaliation happening.
The old, almost-forgotten things that would bother me,
that bothered me in the beginning years ago,
they are starting to resurface.
Unnecessary questions arise from time to time with more frequency.

All this tells me I'm doing the right things.
Retaliation is a good thing.
It means I'm on the right path, and on this path I shall stay.

Well enough of that

Between a Rock and a Hard Place

Kind of a lame title,
but it accurately reflects the situation I'm in.

Well technically,
the situation we're in. My wife and I.
As much as I try to shield her from what's going on
and pretend that everything's OK,
she senses it.

When something's just about to fall apart at the seams,
it's only a matter of time before the signs become glaringly obvious.

It's the second day of Ramadhan,
and I've been out of work for what, two months? Three, possibly.
I don't even want to check.

On my way back from sending her off at the airport,
I'd checked my back balance.
$25.
That's all I have in my account.

Talk about coming full circle.
But regrets won't help.

I'm redoubling my efforts.
Three letters a day, instead of two.
And when I get a job,
I'm putting her Smoothie Bar idea into action.
It's too risky to wait.
Too risky.
The money disappears so damn fast.

In many ways I am very fortunate.
We're staying at my parents' place, rent-free.
Hell, the past couple of weeks I haven't even been paying for the utilities.
Not that I could've.

Dark skies are coming, though.
And we need to get ready, brace ourselves for the coming hurricane.

My dad's nearing retirement age,
and how does his company reward his decades of loyalty?
But offering him the following options (if he's lucky):
Take a 10% pay cut doing the EXACT SAME THING,
or an annual contract with possibly 3 working days a week.

Things keep going the way they are,
and soon, we'll run out of money.

With my kid about 5 months away,
I need to act fast.
And I need to put in place contingencies to avoid
being in a place like this again.

I can't give up.
I won't.

Well enough of that

Recurrence

It's happening again.
Maybe it's because I woke up just an hour ago,
and my head still feels like it's floating.
Or maybe it's something else.

The last interview I had,
I could've been more articulate, but I wasn't.
It was a slight struggle to pick the words I needed.

I should've been writing on a regular basis.
Practised getting my thoughts in order.

Right now, I've got a few prominent ones flying round and round in my skull,
each one vying for attention.

One demands that I talk about the action hero story I'm working on,
about an Afghan man saving his brother from a secret prison.

Another demands I talk about the lack of Muslim heroes in movies and books these days.
The 'Western' ones, at least.

Another talks about the idiots bashing Dein Obeidallah's article on Boko Haram
on the Daily Beast. Holy crap are they stupid as hell.

Anyway. So many thoughts.
So many words begging to be used.


I can't. Not in detail. Not yet.
The fact that I've begun writing the opening portion of the rescue scene is heartening.
Just  little bit. Unless I continue the story soon, it would've been for nothing.


Right now though, I need to focus on getting a job.

Well enough of that.

Out of Time

In a bit of a rush at the moment.
I've decided to postpone writing that article,
and instead write the kickass Afghan hero story I've had swimming in my mind for a while now.

Well enough of that.

What It's Like To Be A Muslim in a Non-Muslim Country

I was feeling a bit depressed today.
News about the constant wars and seething hatred of Islam and Muslims.
It starts with a hardcore group of bigots:
Pamela Geller, Robert Spencer, etc.
Most people don't really pay attention to them.
The distortions and outright lies are
merged with their dripping bigotry and greed
to create a reeking, toxic mix.

I won't link to this group and add to their traffic.
Feel free to Google them, although be warned:
There is a reason why I used the word 'hardcore'.
All the Nazi propaganda leading up to the Holocaust?
Just substitute 'Muslim' with 'Jew', or 'Roma' or 'Disabled'.

Problem with this group is that they have powerful, wealthy backers.
So the stench emanates to an outer layer of a supposedly moderate or 'neutral' group,
Which includes most mainstream news organizations like the CNN and BBC.
Now this 2nd group tends to act as a sort of filter:
The really nutty or genocidal comments and articles
by the 1st group tend to be excluded from their reports (not always, of course).

But content that's deemed 'believable' by the (non-Muslim) public?
(Muslims hate us! They hate women!)
Hey no problem!
They are more than willing to spread them far and wide.
Of course when a crime or tragedy that's been falsely attributed to Muslims,
or if that incident had never even happened,
you'd require a damn microscope to find the amendments,
long after the damage has been done, of course.

Or in the case of Fox News, never.

As for the threshold of 'believable',
over the years I've noticed a steady increase in the amount
of bullshit people will swallow.
If someone 20 years ago (at least here in Singapore) had said that
Muslims grow up being taught to kill or convert every non-Muslim,
people would look at you as if you were out of your mind.
A paranoid lunatic bigot.

But through the steady rationing and gradual increase
of extremely negative and untrue portrayals of Muslims over all those years,
such a perception is now relatively common.
Oh some might believe a more diluted version ('no, no, but they do want to convert everyone!'),
the point is, the threshold has been successfully increased.

Makes me sad to say,
but it probably only is a matter of time before
the mass deportations (of the countries' own citizens) and internment camps arrive.
Already in many Western or Western-backed countries (including the myriad dictatorships in Muslim-majority countries),
their rights have been severely curtailed (no mosques, no headscarves, no fasting, etc),
and stories of discrimination are rampant.

So the propaganda campaign has been a success.

The 2nd group legitimizes hatred and discrimination against Muslims.

Only a handful of sites such as The Intercept and DemocracyNOW,
and politicians such as George Galloway.
But their voices are but drops in the ocean of lies circulating in the news networks and on the internet.

So yeah,  I was depressed.
Figured I'd visit Cracked, and lo and behold! A bullshit article from an Atheist about living in supposedly extremist, fundamentalist Bangladesh.

I knew it was bullshit the moment
he wrote about his Muslim family killing all the pigeons in an area,
when he brought to them a Quran that had been stained by bird droppings.

Of course there was no verification. Also, it sounds batshit crazy.
And naturally, naturally it is presented as fact,
which most of the commentators accepted.
What a bunch of malleable fucking idiots.

Killing all the pigeons? Really?
Let's say it's true. OK. For argument's sake,
his family did wish to kill the pigeon that stained the Quran.
His argument is that because they couldn't tell which one did it, they killed them all.
Have you EVER seen a pigeon to hang around after another pigeon has been killed?
Hell, have you ever seen a pigeon just stand there as you walk up to them?
Once you hit a certain proximity, they're on alert.
Get any close (or run) and they get the fuck out of there.

And nobody bothered to really ask this simple question.

So you know what?
I'm writing an article of my own.
Maybe it'll get published, maybe it won't. But I'll write it anyway:
What It's Like to be a Muslim in a Non-Muslim Country.

Before even the first sentence has been written,
I can already sense the almost-palpable rage of the bigots,
foaming at the mouth,
either screaming 'Liar! Liar!' without any coherent argument,
or attempting to sound intelligent by quoting verses out of context or
simply pointing to other countries or some incident that happened somewhere else
which has absolutely nothing to do with the statements in the article or myself.

They can't accept it. Most of them anyway.
I've seen it too many times.
They can't accept that it is they who are the bigots.
They are the ones advocating violence and murder and genocide.
They are the ones clamouring for institutionalized discrimination.

They simply cannot accept that they are the ones who are cruel.
They are the Nazis. They are the Fascists.

But therein lies hope.
They refuse to accept those things because they recognize them as horrible.
Which means there could be just a tiny bit of humanity left in them.
And if given enough light, and nurtured,
it might grow large enough to make them open their eyes.

Of course they could also be too stupid to know it.
But hey, you can always hope!

The first sentence shall be laid down tomorrow.

Well enough of that

Where Am I

Even the title of this post reflects my
struggle to find the right words to articulate how I feel.

A word lingered in my mind,
yet I'm unable to find it.
Maybe it's the fatigue,
or the stress of looking for a gig with a baby on the way.

Lately I've been watching and reading way, way too many
articles and videos involving Islamophobia, and the crises in the Ukraine, Palestine and Syria.

I understand and support the arguments put forth by Chomsky, Galloway, Finkelstein.
Problem is, I'd been letting them make the arguments for me.
It's like putting my mind on auto-drive.
There are arguments I should counter on my own,
with my own words and thoughts.

But there's a need for balance too.
Constantly immersing myself in the negative news
means too many arguments to counter, all the time.

Just the thought of it exhausts me.
I don't just want to take a step back,
I need it.

I need my focus to be back on hunting for jobs,
being able to form critical arguments for why I am the cure to the organization's pain.

The first step is something I repeat from time to time,
but it doesn't diminish the importance of it:
I need to write on a more regular basis.

Pick an argument and counter it.
There's no need to counter every single one I come across every day.

Pick a different topic everyday, too.
Whether it's the corruption of the Lee Kuan Yew and the PAP,
the stupid xenophobic arguments made by Singaporeans,
or any Islamophobic argument made by anyone in the world.

My new workout routine begins tonight.
My new posting routine shall begin tomorrow.

Well enough of that

Baby!

So here I am, at 8 in the evening on a Sunday night.
Not worried about work tomorrow, since I've been laid off.

Last night, the test came back positive: We're having a baby!
My first reaction was of... disbelief.
It's such a huge thing, you know?
I am happy. It's pretty goddamn awesome.
But right now, the actual changes you can see are miniscule,
so it feels surreal.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't worried about the costs.
Last time I was unemployed, it took quite sometime before I got another gig.

There's a lot I'd like to talk about.
Like how I keep getting stiffed out of proper titles for the roles I've played.
In Esri, I was a bonafide Business Development Manager,
not matter whatever bullshit title they chose to stick me with (Sales Associate).

What's that?
I had a choice?
Sure. The choice of either stagnating for a few years in lower paying jobs,
or accepting it and being able to list the experience in my CV.
There are many other reasons,
but maybe I'll write about them another day.

So yeah.
I'm also concerned about education, religious and otherwise.
Jenia wants the kid to have a choice. So do I.
Here's the thing:
Her idea of giving the kid a choice, is not teaching the kid anything to avoid influencing the choice.

The way I see it,
the kid has a right to learn.
You make the choice when you're old enough.
An informed choice.
The skills and knowledge are there for you to choose to utilize.

But without that knowledge in the first place,
how will you make an informed choice?

Depriving a child of the knowledge also plays a huge role.
A decision based on ignorance is dangerous,
regardless of whether it's about religion or something else.

But we'll cross the bridge when we get there.

Right now I'm focused on getting another gig,
learning how to drive,
getting a car,
getting fit,
and starting to pray 5 times a day.

It's Everest. And I will reach the summit with my bare hands if I have to.
But let there be no doubt that I will.

Well enough of that

Stuttering

Man, I should not have read all those articles about hate crimes against Muslims,
about the bullshit that is continuously being provided by the mainstream media (Muslims are bad! Fear them! OMG!).

Sure, there are little spots of hope here and there.
Glenn Greenwald for example, and a few others whose names I can't recall at the moment.

I don't get it. Are most people THAT breathtakingly stupid?
I get why some people promote a certain view or ideology: for influence and power, for money.

But the people who swallow this crap.

How many times have Quranic verses been quoted out of context?
How many sayings of the Prophet have been subjected to the same treatment?

Why disregard the context? What are you so afraid of?
That your arguments won't hold up?


Forget that, the sheer number of false quotes and verses they've pumped out must be staggering.
And beyond mere verses.
Hoaxes, distorted news, etc.

Don't trust me on this. Check out what the kind folks at LoonWatch have managed to document:
http://www.loonwatch.com/index-of-islamophobic-hoaxes-fabrications/

Click on each link if you don't believe me. Investigate yourself.
At the very least, people ought to know the whole truth before deciding how they'd like to feel.

But noooo.
So many bigot dumbasses so desperately want validation and that is exactly what they seek.

The stories coming out of the US and France. Man.
Why don't you have a look at the economy first, eh? See how well the education system's doing.
What about job opportunities?
Infrastructure?

Oh yes. Blame the immigrants, especially Muslims (even if they've been there for many generations).

The French especially. Amnesiac fuckers.
Who helped to liberate Paris, in World War 2, by the way?

Brave White Christian soldiers?
Sure, after the African contingent paved the way for your incompetent asses.

And how did France repay these brave soliders?
By screwing them over. Only until recently has the truth come out.

The US wanted to give the impression of a truly White victory.
And they got it.

So what can I do?
Be aware. Keep track of the developments.

In the meantime, I'll live my life the way I want to. The way I have to.
On a personal level, I'll continue to work out, and try to one day be able to perform 5 daily prayers again.

I'll start a business. In fact, I'll give myself a deadline right now.
The end of June. A complete business plan should be in place by then.

Well enough of that

Beautiful Day

It's been so long.
Way too long, in fact.

I need to return here more often.
Once again, I am at a point where it's a struggle for find the right words
and form the proper sentences to articulate my thoughts.

Even as I type this,
numerous possible distractions call out to me.
Their call is so... alluring.
Just a few clicks. Just a few more minutes.
You can always write later.

It's been two weeks or possibly more,
since I've created a design,
or written anything.

And you know what the hell I've been busy with besides work?
Getting over my goddamn porn addiction.

I mean yea,
I don't watch traditional porn,
and I didn't think I even had an addiction.

What's that?
What do I mean by 'don't watch traditional porn'?
I'll leave that to your filthy, filthy imagination.

And believe it or not (and I really don't give a fuck if you don't),
I didn't think what I was watching was porn.

But when it began affecting my sex life,
and when I realized that if I stopped watching it,
I began craving it in a big way,
well, yea,
it's time to fucking STOP.

Sudden bouts of depression,
anxiety,
anger.
Hell, there were moments where I was convinced I should split from my wife,
because she decided to stay a bit longer with her mom in Korea.

Now that I think about it,
maybe it is good that I've got this time alone.
I've read that recovery can take a long, long time.
From 1 month to 6 months or more.

But after about a month,
the most severe withdrawal symptoms tend to subside.
So yeah, hanging in there.
Not as easy as it sounds.

There are so many things I'd like to talk about,
argue against: The new rules imposed on Little India *cough* martial law *cough*,
and the ridiculous uproar over Anton Casey's comments.

I mean sure,
he's a dick.

But suddenly he is all Singaporeans seem to be focused on.
WHAT ABOUT LITTLE INDIA?
You know, something that they should be significantly MORE worried about??

I mean, goddamn.
The bill was suddenly introduced,
and approved in what, less than a day?
Hell, at first I didn't even think it even went to parliament.

By the way,
let's not forget that parliament is dominated by the PAP,
whose members almost always toe the line,
and approving any bill is usually a mere formality,
to give the impression that yea,
Singaporeans' voices are heeded.

So what does this new law entail?
Strip searches,
entry into homes without warrants,
car searches,
you get the idea.

All it takes is for the officer to feel like such an action is needed.

Police State, anyone?

All this before the enquiry has even been completed.
By the way,
if anybody believe the investigating body itself is truly independent,
then man oh man,
I have a bridge I'd like to sell you right now. Great deal. One-time offer, baby.

But the the fact that they didn't even wait for it to come out.
Holy crap.
And people aren't worried about this?

Oh yeah that's right,
because South Asian foreign workers are brutes,
sub-human creatures with inferior intelligence,
who drink and riot because that is what they do,
and so we must control them.

Right.

Hell, they'd even deported a few workers.
What the hell happened to their right to a fair trial?
To contest the charges?

Thanks to the divisive race-based politics,
the idea that these workers are nothing but drunken troublemakers
goes down easier with the general dumbass cocksucking population.

Yes, there are exceptions.
Of course there are.
And if you're wondering whether or not you're one of them,
then chances are that yes, you are.

A dumbass does not realize how much of a dumbass he is.

There were like, only two days of debates.
Not even proper debates.
Just an article or two about whether or not it's the right thing to do.

And after that?
Anton Casey and his seriously stupid comments.

I wouldn't be surprised this had been engineered.

In any case,
it's really good to see just where our goddamn priorities lay.

It's a beautiful day today.
Maybe I'll step outside later.

Well enough of that.