Sands

Well today seemed to be a good day. I clicked with people, was less nervous when speaking...
Hell, even my boss gave me a compliment, and that I'd been getting positive reviews from our client.

So why I do still feel like shit. Worse than usual, even.

Can't help shaking the though of being fired at any moment now.
Yep. They've been telling me I'm doing great...
and I keep thinking it's all a goddamn conspiracy. That any day now, they'll announce my replacement.

I hate to admit it, but I like the job. The unpredictability of it.
Yeah, it's only sales, but man...
I can't believe it's what I enjoy.

The large accounts,
the impossible ones.
I enjoy rushing into them headlong,
like a shark intoxicated by the smell of blood in the water.

And since I have less than 1.5 years...
I'd rather stick to this. Do well.
Then I'll be able to end it all with a smile.

Yet I keep thinking people hate me.
That I'll fail in an epic manner.

When the fuck will it end?

Well enough of that.

Maybe I Am Just a Little Fucked Up

...just a little? Yeah, doubt it.
But then again, my frame of reference is about 90% other Singaporeans.
And if being fucked up means I'm different from them,
then I'd rather STAY fucked up.

Of course, it would be nice to not feel like I need fucking attention all the time...
to not have anxiety issues.
Even when praying, I get fucking anxious.
Sounds ridiculous, I know.

But think about it.

You're nervous around your boss... around people in positions of authority.
Now you're asking GOD to grant you your wishes
like some kind of goddamn genie (GOD & goddamn... get it? Get it?? Ahh.. fuck you).

How could you NOT get nervous.

I'm trying to post everyday,
so I can train myself to retrieve words faster...
to form better sentences...
to make my thoughts coherent.

Writing helps. So that's why I'm doing.
Ah fuck, I need to begin reading often, as well.
Son of a bitch.

The insomnia isn't exactly helping my cause.
Sometimes I slur my words...
because I'm too damn sleepy to pronounce them correctly.
At 11am.
After like 400 cups of coffee.

And yeah,
it bothers me that I find it extremely hard
to come up with witty comebacks (shut up).
I need to become sharp, again.

So besides more writing and reading,
I'm hoping doing more cardio's gonna be a big help, too.
If nothing else, it'll at least keep me from panting
after climbing a flight of 2 stairs.
Pathetic.

Well that's about it for now.
Fuck every single one of you.

Have a nice day!

Eh?

Been a while since I've been here.
Man, I wanna say that things have improved, that I'm doing better.
I'm not.

With what, like a year-and-a-half left? Goddamn.
I have made a friend or two,
but when I view their Facebook page or something (shut the fuck up),
and see their recent 'events',
it makes me feel left out.
Despite the fact that I'm not close with them at all.

Holy shit what the hell is wrong with me?
I want constant attention, is that it?

Every time someone doesn't smile at me,
every time someone DOES...
It still makes me feel like beating the shit out of myself.

What's different, though?
Nothing much.
Went out with AND got rejected by a 35 year-old.
A fucking Auntie rejected me.
Jesus fucking Christ.

Is this as good as it gets?
I am not looking forward to Monday (as usual).
But I want this day to end quickly as well.

Fuck off.
Have a nice day!

Well enough of that.

Pastel

So it's Sunday, about 10 minutes to 4pm.
The sun is shining brightly, but it's not hot. Hell, it's an incredibly beautiful day. Sky's bright blue...
and I can feel a cool breeze.

I want to get out there and do SOMETHING with anyone.
But as it so often happens, whenever I flip through my address book I realize...
I'm alone.
Yes, I know... I know... I sound like a fucking emo kid.

What do 'emo kids' have to be 'emo' about anyway?
Their parents won't give them more cash so they can get more ugly-looking 'emo stuff'?
Oh yes. Stuff like eyeliner, special hair gel, shoes... to achieve that 'emo look' that's OH-so-expensive to do.

Not to mention emo music which makes the sound of a thousand toddlers screaming angrily for more pudding seem like a work of pure genius.

If anyone has a right to be 'emo', it's middle-aged adults like me. No family, no friends. Dead-end job. Decaying body (oh come on, you KNOW it is!), and the list just keeps going on and on and on...
WE should be fucking 'emo'.
Plus, if nothing else, we can afford our own clothes, not like those little shits.

Great. I've just realized that my sentences now go on forever.
I used to value brevity. But my vocabulary's in a shambles right now.
I know basic words and how to string together a basic sentence.
No grace. Just crap.

OK fine. My style wasn't grateful to begin with.
Shut the fuck up.

It's going to be extremely hard getting back to the way I was.
Picture trying to grab a chicken high on ecstacy, then multiply it by a hundred.

But eh, I don't have much a choice now do I?

Well enough of that.

Fuck every single one of you.
Have a nice day!



Bitches.

Hamster Wheel

Barely got through the first week of training...
Not that it was hard or anything. Hell, we barely did anything at all.

The whole time, I was struggling not to fall back into my old self. Felt like I was watching the re-run of a
really bad movie.
The idiot struggled to keep himself from going on and on about meaningless shit...
from making lame-ass jokes only he could get...
from being an idiot, basically.
He failed. Not miserably, but yea...

Anyway, it takes me more than an hour to get there, and I'm supposed to arrive on the dot at 8am every morning.
Yep, definitely getting my ass fired soon.

Fell asleep at 2pm, and got up at 9pm. On a goddamn Saturday. I'd been playing Warcraft
the whole morning. Real fucking productive, I know.
I need to eat so I can work out in 2 hours. And right now, I can barely keep my eyes open.

The past couple of months, I've been tired all the damn time. Maybe I've lost the race.
Maybe I already have Diabetes. Eh, who gives a shit?
I got less than 2 years left. I can take it.

Fuck every single one of you.

Have a nice day!

Final Destination

First of all, I need to thank the ones who made the shitty series for making my title sound lame.
Thanks, douchebags.

Anyway, I'm now working at an MNC doing pretty much the same thing I did back at Acronis.
This will probably be my final 'proper' job. By that, I mean once I get my ass fired (pretty sure I will),
the only jobs I'll be able to get will likely be temporary ones.


I'm still missing prayers thanks to my anxiety problems (I'll talk about it later, curious jackass).
It bothers me. A lot. I still get tense when people make eye-contact as they're talking with me.
My neck stiffens especially when anyone talks with me and I'm seated.
I'm aware of it. I'm not nervous. But my body says otherwise. Motherfucker.

Still can't sleep well. And for some insane reason, I can't even string together coherent, grammatically-correct sentences when talking... without tripping up first. I'd think of a word, say it wrongly, then have to repeat it.
Nearly every single goddamn sentence. And I'd fucking KNOW how to say it. My tongue just won't comply.

Hopefully I'll be reading this at the end of my 2 years, and smile at how tough it was to overcome.
But right now I've got to actually DO IT.

Oh, and I fucking hate it there. Everyone's always smiling, asking each other how they're doing. Me included.
IF I WANTED CONSTANT ATTENTION, I'D BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF PEOPLE FOR IT.

Well enough of that.

Monday

Well I suspected when asked me to change my leave to the 1st and 2nd days of July.
And now on Monday, I've found that my access code no longer works.

Real subtle, assholes.

Oh well. I'm glad to get out of here anyway.

Fuck every single one of them

Have a nice day!

What The Hell?

The loneliness... is killing me.
The lame-ness of it is killing me, too.

Motherfucker.

Friday

It's Friday, and still I feel like crap. I've been feeling like crap everyday, lately.
But today's particularly bad. Not only am I in the office with a fever, I also arrived late because no goddamn cabs were available.

The fucking cab company. After a million attempts to get through, the system wouldn't even accept my submission.
I had to press '1' if I wanted a cab at a location where I had previously got one.
No matter how many times I pressed the button, the damn voice kept repeating 'Press 1 for... Press 2 for..'
I was expecting it to go 'NO CHANCE, BITCH' eventually.

What I got instead one of the operators. OK fine.
'Please hold while we process your booking'. 15 minutes later, that damn automated voice re-appeared and went 'NO CHANCE, BITCH'.

I had to take the bus. Got here an hour late.

THEN I had to find out that my application for a week-long leave had been rejected because according to company policy, I have to inform them a month in advance before taking 'long leave'.

Would've been nice to have been informed of the goddamn policy.
But no.
Spring it on me anytime you bitches want, eh?

I want to write more, but I'm exhausted. So later, bitches.

Well enough of that.

Bliss

Holy motherfucking cunt shit cocksucker.

MY GOD is she fucking stupid. How the hell does she even get out of bed every morning?

Must be nice to be THAT stupid and ignorant.

Talk about making a fencepost look like a goddamn genius.


How is it that she can think I'm an assistant,
when I'm the only one in the department?
I do the forecasts, I make sure the PO's come in. I entertain the customers' stupid requests (learn to read the guide, you lazy assholes). Hell, I even determine the price.

I do the work of a manager, and the stupid bitch still thinks I'm an assistant.
I AM ASSISTING MYSELF.

I can only hope and pray that eventually, it will become legal to murder idiots.

Fuck off and die.


Have a nice day!

Ever-Present

It's 3pm, on a Wednesday afternoon.

Holy SHIT am I sleepy. Been sleepy every day for the past couple of weeks.
But it's been exceptionally bad these past few days.

How bad?
Drunks are more articulate than me.

Still doing the same job. Still surrounded by dumbass superiors.

The stupidity of 2 in particular happen to be at the top of the pile right now. As I'd mentioned before, I'm fucking sleepy, so I'll just talk about one of them. For now.

Let's see...
My job is to bring in the purchase orders,
go over them the first time,
and let the processing side handle the rest.

So if any duplicate licenses are sent to the customer or reseller,
guess what? IT'S NOT MY FUCKING PROBLEM.

But no...
the stupid fat bitch director - who can't even understand that part numbers correspond to QUANTITY not PERIOD- shouted at ME, after the conference call ended in which she declared
herself completely free of blame ("I didn't work on this...").

YOU got the same e-mail as I did. It was sent to everyone. And being a fucking DIRECTOR,
you should know who's responsible for what.

But no... she blamed ME.
Why must there be laws in place to prevent me from smiting
horrible creatures such as she?

Fucking moron can't even string together a single grammatically-correct sentence.
That is how stupid she is.

The other one that pissed me off is the new Channel Manager who does practically nothing.
Knows very little about part numbers, partner margins and maintenance periods...
even though it is his JOB to know.

I'll explain why he pissed me off later.
Need... a... goddamn... nap...

Fuck you.

Well enough of that.

Perfect

Well it's Monday. Again. Fucking-

I just found out that the pair of shoes I'd bought over the weekend
is made up of 2 different sizes. Great. Just great.

Someone I told this to actually asked me if I had tried both shoes on.
Well, no.

I tried one on, and it felt right. Who the hell expects 2 different sizes
in one box?
Dumbass.

So now I've got to go back to that shithole store. And yea, and I've got to keep wearing these fucking
squeaky shoes until Thursday.

It's the 2nd week of May, and I still don't know for how much longer will I be here,
doing the job of a manager, and getting a temp's salary. Not a temp manager, nooo...
The salary of a temporary 'Retail Associate'.

Yep. I'm a goddamn manager on a budget for these greedy assholes.
As soon as I get a better offer, you can bet your ass I'm outta here.

Well back to working.
Oh joy.

Fuck you.

Have a nice day!

Well enough of that.

Fucking A

Well, it's Wednesday.
Less than 2 weeks before I'm officially unemployed.

I'd like to write more, but Blogger is being fucked up right now. Every time I hit 'Enter', the goddamn cursor disappears for a few seconds, and reappears either at the beginning of the sentence I'd just written,
at the top of this post.

It's fucking annoying, and I'm too sleepy for this shit.
I'll be back later.


Fuck you, Blogger.
And fuck anyone else who's reading this.

Have a nice day!

Assholes.

I Is Smart

You know how people say that
middle management is usually
made up of dumbasses?

That's because it's TRUE.

How I've avoided punching
each and every one of them in the rectum
with a spiky dildo set on fire...
I do not know.

It's a fucking mystery.

Like my boss, for example.
The one for whom I do most
of the important work...
and get very little credit for.

He's new, but even the one before him
was just as stupid and annoying.


Let's see...
I come up with a suggestion on
how to solve a problem,
or handle a task.

He dismisses it completely.


About an hour or two later,
he comes to me,
with the EXACT same proposal.

After which,
he pats himself on the back for
coming up with such a good idea,
and gives me the proverbial finger
to his head, while exclaiming
"See how smart I am? You should try to be more like me."

Every time this happens,
the image of my hands around his
scrawny neck enters my mind.
And I let it linger.

Sometimes I picture
telling the other prisoners
"Yeah, and when he did it again, I just snapped!"

Goddamn these motherfucking idiots.
Oh and the reason they can't extend my contract?
Tight budget?
Really?

Not tight enough to pay for your
6k-a-month apartment,
you greedy piece of shit.

At least I've already got
an offer from another company.

So fuck every single one of you morons.

And if I manage to get into your main rivals,
so help me,
I will fuck this company up so badly,
you'll wish  you had a flaming dildo up the ass.

Have a nice day, bitches.

The Truth

... is that you're all full of shit.
Every single one of you.

Fuck you.

Release The Hounds

Well...
It just hit me. I'm 29. Well going to be real soon, anyway.

I've got a ton of stories that have been
swirling around in my head since
I was 14.

It's time to clear some space up there.

So before the end of this year,
I'll try and get most,
if not all of them out of the basement,
and onto paper, so to speak.

What can I say?
Either pay rent,
or get the fuck out.

Maybe once they're gone,
I'll finally be able to enjoy porn.

Damn

Why did I think it was a good idea?
Socialising.
Dating??

Sheesh.

You gotta admit,
for a while,
it was kind of... fun.

I mean,
I KNEW it was coming,
that nothing was gonna happen.


But man...
even when you crash
gently...
it fucking burns.

Oh well.

What The-

Let's see now...
I'm fucking depressed
because I realize she's only being 'nice'...

I hit the gym...
I'm sweaty,
I'm exhausted...
I'm bloated thanks to that shake...

And of course,
the bus just won't come...

So what happens?
I get a tap on the shoulder
from the chick at the gym.

What is she, high?
Didn't she get the memo?

So we talked.
And talked on the bus.
And talked as I walked her to where she was meeting a friend.

I'd seen her so many times before,

and that was the first time
I'd ever really spoken with her.

We exchanged numbers,
and maybe,
just maybe we might
be hanging out sometime soon.

Fucking weird.

The hell's going on?

Grow Some Brain Cells

Ugh you dumbass bitch.

All I did was give them basic information
which we give to all the partners all the time anyway!

YOU FUCKING MORONS.

This is what I get for working
with fucking dumbass 'educated' Singaporeans.

Speaking of whom,
why in the FUCK would
you read a newspaper...
while standing up...
in a packed train?

WHY??
GOD these people need
to be punched repeatedly in the face with my jackhammer.

Why

Why the fuck did you do that?
Sheesh.

Postponed to next Friday.
Now I'm wondering what
the hell I'm gonna do about this Saturday.

Ah well. 

Huh.

Well whaddaya know...
It didn't turn out to be a total disaster.

I'm sleepy... very.
My eyelids weigh a ton.

I had a long day at work...
made a lot of mistakes.

And yet...
I don't give a shit.



Yea... guess I DID have a good time.
Fucking surreal.

Fat Fucker

So yeah, check this out:  http://health.asiaone.com/Health/News/Story/A1Story20100110-190778/4.html

Look at the smile on that fucking fat piece of shit
lying cocksucker.

A year ago, he was part of a plan to get some poor Indonesian guy to sell
his kidney for a small amount (about 50,000 bucks? I can't recall the amount).

This guy, is a fucking millionaire thanks to his dad.
Has connections to the 'elite' in Singapore.

So when the plan was found out,
guess who got arrested and immediately convicted?

The ones who hatched the plan?
The ones who identified the guy, knew he was desperate,
then gave him hope... in exchange for his kidney?

Why, of course not!

That dude was thrown into jail so fast, it was all a blur.

And he was sentenced to MONTHS,
while his wife and kids starve back home.

And Tang?
This fat piece of shit asshole motherfucker?

He got ONE day in prison.
And this was the sentence given... by a Subordinate Court judge.

For those not in the know,
most Subordinate Court judges would bend over backwards
for the prosecutors if asked to.

Oh and man... you should've seen the drama when he was convicted!
His friends were crying... saying it was too cruel...

Who cried for that poor Indonesian and his family?
He could've at least given them a certain amount to tide them over.

But no... he just went on and on about how happy
he was to receive a kidney.

And yea... while others have been on the waiting list
for much, much longer than he has...
somehow.. SOMEHOW... he managed to jump
the queue and get a kidney (this time 'legally').

IT MUST BE A FUCKING MIRACLE!

Somebody needs to stick a knife into his anus.


Fuck you, you fat fucker.

Yeah

I'm not exactly sure what happened to my original post.

But oh well.

At last... my thoughts have settled.
Even at this age,
I'm still prone to immature, knee-jerk reactions.

Still got a lot of growing up left to do.
I'm working on it.

Anyway,
if you're reading this Sarah...
No, I don't hate you.
Didn't idealise you, either.

One of the reasons I fell for you was because you were damaged...
like me.
And fucking brilliant, too.

I'm sorry about what happened to you in the past,
I really am.

But no matter how much I wish I could
go back in time,
fact is,
there's nothing I can do about it (duh, I know) (shut up).

I'm also sorry I can't help make you feel better
about your... current situation.

You should've just told me.
Given me a little bit of respect,
instead of treating me like some kind of back-up to run to
if your main plan falls apart.

Doesn't really matter now, eh?

So yeah,
go ahead and hate me.

Call me anything you want.

This is my last post about you.
Because seriously,
unless I cut it out,
I'm NEVER getting over you.

So take care.

Bye now.

Ah Yes

Just HAD to take a peek.

Well now I don't feel so bad.
Everything's MY fault.
Right.

Tell me you feel suicidal,
then disappear for about 2 weeks...
and then a stupid little 'gesture'?

Wow.
Yeah.
Even if you were a dude,
I'd still have been worried.

You could've been... oh I don't know... DEAD.

Clearly... all depressive psycho losers worry if someone
they cared about had fucking KILLED THEMSELVES.


Nothing's ever your fault.
Us losers just gravitate towards you, eh?

By the way, I don't have low self-esteem.
In fact, I think I'm pretty awesome.

And yeah, I did think you were special.
Nope, don't wish I never met you.

Yep, am gonna forget about you in a week or so.
Should've known better.
Mann... what an epic waste of my time.


Fuck you.
Go suck the life out of someone else.

Never Again

Remember the rules that you set for yourself.
Remember what happens when you break them.

Always remember.
Never break them again.

Always remember that
When you say 'Always',
The only one who means it is you.

Always.



I've kept my promise.
For as long as you allowed me to.
I no longer have permission.

So my debt has been paid,
And my conscience is clear.

At last it's over.



Mann... a fucking poem?
GOD.

Enough of this.


Time to start kicking ass again.

Yea

The day I'm hurting like crazy... is the day I find out I'm getting a huge bonus.

Mann... I don't know whether to laugh, or cry. Now that I CAN afford to go overseas... I've got nowhere to go.

Eh, story of my life.


Oh yea, and I found out that my boss is being transferred to Burlington.
Great.

I'm gonna be stuck with Prada Bitch and her sidekick. Not to mention the rest of the annoying cocksuckers.

If she DOES leave, one of two things might happen:
I'll get fired, or, I'll be promoted.

I don't want her to leave.
SHE is the main reason I'm staying there, and not pulling all kinds of shit... like I normally do.



I guess Trent Reznor got it right.
Everybody leaves in the end.

Final ExperienceProject Story

Yep. I'm back.
Lately, I've had some people who, upset at some of the comments I've left on certain stories, send me insulting messages or quote passages from MY own stories... to justify telling me that I "deserve to be alone."
Oh, really?
Let's make this clear.
I'm not a goddamn paragon of virtue. Never professed to be one. And I won't apologise for not fitting into your narrow definition of what's 'morally right'.
I 'deserve' to be alone? That would matter to me... if it were your decision to make.
It's not. Tough shit.
Hey now look, you don't need to quote me to justify your hatred... to make yourself feel better. If you want to hate, don't send me messages, and then block me right afterward.
Grow a fucking spine, and just come out with it.
Oh yeah, and if I do end up alone, it will be MY choice. Maybe I'll change my mind. Maybe I won't. Again, it's MY choice.
I don't owe you an explanation.
But if you demand one, I may just have to smack your face with my electric chainsaw (which is awesome, by the way).

Well, that's about it.

And this time, I DO have some cake. Help yourselves...

Unintentional -Imported from afore-mentioned crappy site

Yep. They mean well, they do.
Now I've been told all kinds of crap by women about my appearance (my face, mostly).
Which is why I try to minimise any
contact with them in real-life.

But the most hurtful comments (I sound really macho, I know) have come from those who mean well.

Now I know I'm ugly.
Been told that many, many (MANY!) times before.

I'm cool with that.
Nothing much that can be done about my face.

But these people...
they view my picture,
and in an attempt to make
me feel better...
say the exact opposite.
Now don't get me wrong. I appreciate it.
But I know for fact  that it's not true... and it makes me feel like shit. Especially since I can't get pissed off at them.
Why would I? They ARE being kind. It's like robbing a store, beating the shit out of the clerk, so you can get the cash to buy your kid something nice.
Thing is, not one of them would be seen dead in public with me.
And before any of you go "OMG! SO THEY SHOULD ALL GO OUT WITH YOU! YOU CRAZY! OMG LOL!"... kindly bend over.... yes... and stick your head up your assholes. Yep. Just like that.
All I'm saying is... it just feels like charity. And I do not fucking need charity. Not from anyone.
So yea... again, I appreciate it. But you should know it makes me want to crawl into a wood chipper. At least it'd hurt less.
And of course, back to work, tomorrow. So... no cake this time. You can have this cookie, though.

Who Was the Racist Idiot That Asked This: 'do You Know Afghanistan Allows Rape In Marriage?'...? --- From that crappy site as well

Do you jerk off to Bill O'Reilly each night?
And most of the answers that this dumbass got... were equally stupid.
Did no one even TRY and do any research?
Some stupid, ignorant dick even went '... it's part of their sharia...'.
Under Islamic Law, you hurt your wife once, it's an AUTOMATIC DIVORCE. Yes, including slapping, you stupid, stupid people.
I studied at a madrasah (Islamic School) nearly all my life... and the only time I ever hear or read about Islam allowing abuse... is when it comes from people (including Muslims) who know VERY LITTLE about Islamic Law.
And the thing that really pisses me off... is when those people ask questions like that, they (and their supporters) try and back it up with bogus 'facts'. People have to do actual research to rebut them... only to be hit with another volley of bullshit.
I try and stay away from that kind of debate mainly because it just never ends well.
People will believe what they want to believe. It just so happens that I came across that question... and felt I had to say SOMETHING.

That person's face needs to be introduced to my shovel. The dumb fuck. 

Have To Get It Off My Chest (from the same crappy site)

Well here I am again. I came across one of the groups here titled 'I Am Cheating On My Husband'. And of course from there, came across more similar groups.
Before I go on, if any dumbasses feel like posting comments such as 'MEN CHEAT , TOO! OMG LOL!' then kindly FUCK OFF.
There are enough forums and groups about cheating men, and since I have no desire to date men, I'm just gonna focus on how I feel about the female cheaters.
I won't judge because come on, who am I, right? But what really freaks me out is some of the reasons they offer. Quite a number of them did it simply because the other guy was hot and they wanted to bang him.
Another common reason (at least on EP), is that the husband wasn't good enough in bed and since hot guys were available, well, yea... you get the idea.
And again, before any geniuses decide to go all 'NOT ALL WOMEN ARE CHEATERS! YOU SUCK! OMG LOL!' then please, stick this dynamite up yours and light it .
Hopefully the only readers left are the ones who use logic and have better comprehension skills.
I'm just saying that for me, being alone seems like a waaaaay better option than finding out my wife cheated on me. Even if she tells me I'm sorry and I genuinely believe her... I will never get the image of the guy(s) pleasuring my wife and the look of pure joy on her face as it happened.
It scares the hell out of me. And I don't scare easy (except for clowns, which are pure evil) (and killer rabbits) (and The Burger King guy).
As usual, there's cake over there. Help yourselves...

EDIT: I replaced the sentences "Hopefully the only readers left are the one who use logic. And we know there are ALWAYS exceptions." with the one above because they had implied that most women were cheaters. That's not what I'm trying to say.

From Some Crap Site : 1

Sweet. The only one in my group. I reign supreme, baby.
Anyway, let's see now...
I'm 27 years old, and have never had a girlfriend. Growing up, people kinda made it a point to let me know how butt-ugly I was. Let's just say I didn't really need a costume for Halloween.
And once I got to a certain age, I made it a point to tell them where they could stick their opinions.
I don't drink. I don't smoke. Hell, my main vice is playing Warcraft 3.
People keep telling me 'Oh she'll come... she'll come...' but eh, if she's already in her 30's, then no thanks.
Apparently most women tend to come to their senses and settle for guys like me when they at least hit 30 (according to studies and anecdotal evidence).
Most of them either have no choice (the really hot guys aren't into them anymore) or have decided on someone more... stable.
Now here's the thing. I don't want to be anyone's sloppy seconds, or thirds, or fourths... well, you get the idea.
It'll probably sound stupid to some people... but I'd rather not be with someone who's only with me because she's been rejected by her usual type... or because she's tired her usual type... well, never really changes.

And the worst part is... throughout my teen years and in my early 20s, I had kept trying.So now, I'm just gonna attempt to get used to it. Oh well, there's still Warcraft, right?

That's pretty much it.

There's cake over there. Help yourselves.


EDIT: Just because I've said I'll never be WITH anyone, does NOT mean I hate women in their 30's! Come ON, man! I've got no problem being friends with anyone (except for the seriously stupid).

I'm a fucking asshole.
I think we can all agree on that.

Seriously?
You want her to drop EVERYTHING?
Just for you?
Who the FUCK do you think you are?

I am selfish.
Didn't see that before, but I do now.

Funny how it takes something
like this to open your eyes.

I do my prayers 5 times a day.
I fast during the fasting month.

I don't drink... watch what I eat.

Hell, I'm not even crazy about boobs.



She wouldn't have been happy with me.



You're a lucky bastard.
And you don't deserve her.

But she chose you.

So if I ever find that you hurt her... in ANY WAY...

I swear...






Hey, I told you.
Always.

No matter what.
Even when you forget all about
whatever the hell it is that we had.




Ah, fuck me.

Interesting

Why the fuck am I so goddamn stupid?

Yea... yea... I know... I know... others have much bigger problems.
But this is MY blog.

So please feel free to suck it.


Anyway... today's the beginning of my new 7-week routine.
And this time, I'm going all out.
Yet, I'm not excited.



So somebody please tell me... why the FUCK am I so goddamn stupid?

What?

It's Saturday, and I'm actually looking forward to Monday.

Fucking... MONDAY!

Not that anything special's happening.


I just want the time to pass by as soon as possible.



Fuck me.