Yep. Sunshine, rabbits, and fucking butterflies.
Now before I continue,
I've noticed a few grammatical errors in my previous two posts.
And I won't be amending them because fuck you, that's why.
Now that we've got that sorted...
Man, I feel a lot better now.
Don't get me wrong, I'm still sleepy as hell.
But I think getting sleep after this post won't be nearly as hard as before.
A part of me is still bitter.
Fortunately, not as bitter and full of murderous rage as I was earlier today.
Well almost the whole day.
All I could think about was how to ditch her.
When I received a text from her,
all I could think of was 'Go fuck yourself, bitch'.
And later in the day when she tried calling,
I was glad my voice sounded drowsy and she thought I'd been sleeping...
managed to cut that conversation short.
Believe me, I was in no mood or state to have a nice discussion about the motherfucking weather.
Or don't believe me.
Go fuck yourself, ok?
OK great, thanks.
So what made me feel better?
Well for starters, knowing that if I lost her,
it would be horrible,
but it wouldn't be the end of the world.
I was reminded about how you need to accept that,
to be able to take that risk,
in order to fix things.
Run a quick search in Google with the words 'Pua' and 'Mindfuck',
and a wealth of information presents itself to you.
All the wisdom at the click of a button.
And wisdom it is.
If I'd just followed my emotions blindly,
and confronted her,
well,
that would've put us both on the Divorce Bullet Train.
And though I'm willing to risk it,
it should only happen when there is no other option.
Not because I fucked it up.
I need to re-establish dominance,
and reduce compliance.
And yea,
though I've been (and still am) royally frustrated sexually...
I am going to mindfuck her in ways she never imagined.
No more acting bitter.
This will be a learning experience.
Think about it.
She cuts me off for a whole month.
30 fucking days.
And returns just 2 days before the Fasting Month.
Now how often does a situation like this present itself?
So when she returns,
instead of taking Monday off,
hell, I'm going to give her a kiss...
maybe even escalate a little bit...
and when she steps out of the shower...
I'll be ready to sleep.
You know, for work tomorrow.
That's right.
One month. And I still retain control.
Suck it.
No, not literally.
No bitterness.
Always be positive.
This is a golden opportunity.
And man oh man, I can't wait for the moment when we're hot and heavy,
and in the middle of it all, I decide to stop and get some sleep.
Meeting in the morning and all that, you understand.
It's kind of sad
that I still need to run game on her.
Every once in a while I need to remind myself to stick to the rules.
Guess it'll never go away. Not really.
She wasn't brought up as a Muslim,
and apparently has no interest in learning about Islamic values.
Would be pretty stupid of me to expect her to adhere to them.
No.
I'm grateful for the information out there.
And I'm especially glad I didn't do anything stupid.
She might throw a tantrum
or otherwise act like a child to gain compliance further down the road...
there's no doubt about that.
I will need to be firm.
But again,
I will also need to accept that it might not work out in the long run.
Just remembered that I was prepared for this.
The experience has been a mixture of positive and negative.
A learning experience.
So in that context, mostly positive.
Sometimes relationships just run their course.
It's important to accept that,
and when I do,
it makes living life a lot better.
In the meantime though,
I'm going to enjoy mindfucking the hell out of my wife.
Heh.
Well enough of that
Saturday, June 29, 2013
Friday, June 28, 2013
Unchanged
It's 8.46am on a Saturday,
and my breakfast is a can of beans.
This is pretty good, actually.
But I'm up way too early.
Went to bed at around 3am, I think.
And here I am. Bed all made. Eating a can of beans.
I had brief (and I do mean fucking brief) chat
with my wife over Skype on Thursday about my sexual frustration (one thing at a time, right?).
We talked a again yesterday.
Now at first,
it seemed alright.
She understood completely. According to her.
But then she began revealing little tid-bits. Minuscule hints.
To her I'd always been so in control,
that she did not expect this to be a big deal to me.
Very cute.
Maybe I was tired, but I didn't fully get this at first,
thinking it was just her way of expressing what she really thought.
So yeah, for the slow ones out there,
her comment above was a motherfucking insult.
And yep, she did indeed anticipate this.
I didn't. Maybe because I'm still... new to it.
But I should have, so that's on me.
Fuck I'm so sleepy.
But who am I kidding?
There's no way I'd be able to get back to sleep. Tried that shit for like an hour already.
Where was I?
Oh yeah.
Remember the whole 'framing a demand as a request' thing?
Yep. She knew exactly what she was 'asking'.
We also discussed how one month is too long,
and that in the future,
it has to be much shorter.
She agreed.
And then I realized. Not really.
Her plans for fucking December and staying for a month after I leave
are still on.
I remember the plan being 2 weeks after I leave.
But judging by her past actions, especially
her
yea, I would not be fucking surprised if she stayed until February.
If she even asks this, I will make it clear that she is asking to put the marriage in jeopardy.
Do not fuck with me.
Just did a quick Google search which reminded me.
Women can get way too emotional.
So emotional in fact,
that it can override intelligence.
And I remembered that
for every promise broken,
there needs to be consequences.
Like the whole 'learning about Islam' thing.
She promised.
Then she broke her promise.
And she lied about the reason.
Instead she began coming up
with all kinds of lame-ass excuses and demands.
She wants me to learn about HER beliefs.
I did learn from her,
understood why,
and accepted it.
She can't understand why I believe what I believe.
But that's beside the point.
You made a promise. You keep to it.
I don't need to do shit for you to keep to your word.
I should have punished her. Stood firm.
Should have seen it for the shit-test that it was.
Vying for control.
Same thing with the sex issue.
All that passive-aggressive bullshit. It's for control.
If not completely, then a large part of it.
In any case, that is what is happening,
regardless of whether she realizes it or not.
Control.
I will let the 'learning about Islam' thing slide for now.
The mistake I made was not punishing her for it.
But I made the decision,
so I will stick with it.
There must be a different way.
But if she breaks any other promises,
there will be consequences.
And I know it'll be hard.
She'll cry, she'll throw fucking tantrums like a goddamn child.
She'll withhold sex- this hasn't happened yet but I KNOW it's coming.
Or maybe it has.
But I don't think the trip to Korea is mainly about using sex as a leverage.
So if she asks to stay for longer than 2 weeks in Korea,
she is asking to put the marriage in jeopardy.
May seem a bit extreme.
And I may frame it in a different way.
But I will need to stand my ground.
If she keeps doing this,
I'll only end up being more and more resentful.
And of course one thing will always lead to another.
She will keep trying to gain more and more control.
And I will keep getting more and more upset.
Even resisting her efforts would make me bitter eventually.
So splitting while
there are no kids involved might be the best option.
I feel like ending this post.
So tired.
But there are a few more things I need to get off my chest (fuck you).
During our chat,
because I was fucking blind,
I figured hey,
why don't we get a hotel room,
if she's so concerned about privacy?
And since Ramadhan is about 2 days after she arrives,
let's get a room the day after she reaches home.
It'd be fun, exciting, and romantic.
Yep. I actually looked up 'romantic hotels in Singapore'.
Fucking idiot.
She actually suggested AFER Ramadhan,
knowing full well how goddamn frustrated I was.
And then I suggested the day after she returned.
Her response?
'I don't know'.
Her standard response for anything she doesn't want to do,
but wants to avoid the guilt for saying 'no' to.
'How tired will you be on Monday? ;)'
'I don't know'
'Don't worry about me...'
Right.
So basically 'I really don't want to... but since you insist, FINE... I'll force myself to go through with it.'
Right. How can you not turned on by that, eh?
A wife who doesn't really want to have sex with you,
and makes you feel like a fucking asshat for 'pushing' her.
If that isn't passive-aggressive,
I don't know what is.
I want to have sex with someone who WANTS it with me.
I want to make love.
Ha. I might as well have asked a fucking lifeless corpse.
Oh she says she feels it too,
but gets easily distracted.
I read that women and men
tend to react to sex differently.
But she already knew I would be hurt.
And I fucking allowed it.
I ALLOWED IT.
You stupid, stupid motherfucker.
Nearly every time I approach her,
she's as dry as the asphalt after a month without rain.
And I had thought maybe it was the whole privacy thing.
But that wasn't the case at Connie's place, where we also stayed in a bedroom
in an apartment.
And Connie was home at night.
My wife was dripping wet.
Now, she's all dried out, it seems.
She could be so easily manipulated.
Maybe I'm just bitter.
Could be that this is just the fatigue and frustration talking.
But if I were single,
it would be so easy to fucking seduce her even if she were married.
Too easy.
And I'm pretty sure she'd feel guilt afterwards.
Oh but she would ENJOY the sex.
Just feel guilty afterwards.
Or not.
Maybe just a little bit of guilt.
Until she tells her husband (or he finds out).
Remember her attitude towards cheating?
It's only sex!
Just get over it and move on! Right?
If her husband doesn't, then clearly, CLEARLY he's the one with the problem.
I made the mistake of watching some amateur porn.
First time in my life (and I'm 31!) that I decided to watch the whole thing.
From the way the couple talked on the bed,
to the cuddling...
to the sex.
And she was moaning
She loved it.
It got to the point where she had to cover her mouth and she moaned and moaned.
She was on top, then on the bottom.
Why the hell did I watch it?
Goddammit.
Now I'm plagued by visions about
how my wife enjoyed sex with her exes.
I remember seeing glimpses of her reactions.
She can be pretty damn confident when she's on top.
And before we got married,
more than once she joked about tying me up (she started it),
being on top,
being in control.
She loved it. LOVED IT.
Then we got married,
and while it was hot the first night (or afternoon, technically!),
it became subdued in a hurry.
Maybe it's because of the way I curve to the left.
Maybe it's because of my inexperience.
But I could tell she was disappointed.
Every time I disappoint her. That's how I feel anyway.
Maybe once or twice I don't.
But doesn't really matter, if you keep missing the shot 99% of the time.
So I got to thinking.
What if she missed that kind of sex.
Now I bet she does.
Yep. I have become that paranoid.
I had asked her this week,
if there were anything I could do.
She went with 'Hmmmm.....'
and then again with the 'oh we will discover things naturally'.
This must've been the 3rd or 4th time I'd asked.
Fucking hell.
I wouldn't be so paranoid if
she didn't have a history of keeping the real answers hidden
until you dig deep enough.
So yea.
There is definitely something. Or a couple of things.
Reminds me of the 'I was sooo horny in the afternoon'
crap she would pull on me.
Yea... horny in the afternoon...
but when I'm back,
all of a sudden you're fucking dry as the desert again, right?
And I have no doubt now she knows
how that makes me feel.
If I call her out on that thing specifically,
she is likely to respond with something like 'I'm just telling you! I can't tell my husband? OK fine I won't next time'.
Fuck her. Not literally.
You know what I mean.
I could pull the same shit on her,
tell her how fucking horny I was...
and then just head to bed and sleep.
Been thinking a lot about doing things like that.
Tit-for-tat.
But that is fucking immature.
She will not reduce me to that kind of person.
So back to the type of sex she loves.
How long before she really wants it again?
Combine it with her attitude towards cheating,
and how easily it is to mess with her emotional side to get her in the mood...
Yep.
I know... I know... I could just run game on my wife.
But I should've done pre-selection more thoroughly.
I do not want to always have to be running game.
In my own space, I want to be able to relax!
Man.
Sure, marriage takes work. I get that.
But even for sex,
it can't be the exact same method for getting sex
with women you meet outside.
It's my home.
I need to be able to let my guard down a little bit.
This does indeed seem like a harsh post.
But this is how she makes me feel now.
Oh, and after the Skype conversation
about how sexually frustrated I was...
When I reached home that night to have a video chat with her,
like we usually do,
SHE WAS ALREADY IN BED.
Seriously?
And when I texted her,
the passive-aggressive bullshit reared its head again.
'I just lied down'.
'You wanted to talk? I can turn on the computer.'
Yep.
'I'm too tired to deal with you... but if you INSIST,
I will force myself to climb out of bed,
and go through the hassle of switching on the computer,
wait for it to load,
just so you can say whatever unimportant bullshit you need to say. OK beloved husband?'
Go fuck yourself.
Go fuck yourself.
Go fuck yourself.
Eh, she probably does.
Little by little the pieces come apart.
When enough of them do,
there might not be enough glue to fix it.
Well enough of that
p.s. and fucking EXERCISE goddammit. you told me you used to go for walks, deliberately giving me the impression that you workout... and now you say YOU HATE EXERCISE. And the excuse? IT MAKES YOU SWEAT?? COME ON.
I married you for your personality, for who you are... but apparently who you are can change any time you feel like it.
p.p.s. Sometimes I wonder if I should just run some game on a hot 20 year-old
who actually looks after herself.
p.p.p.s. This is what you have made me. And I allowed it. Time to change.
and my breakfast is a can of beans.
This is pretty good, actually.
But I'm up way too early.
Went to bed at around 3am, I think.
And here I am. Bed all made. Eating a can of beans.
I had brief (and I do mean fucking brief) chat
with my wife over Skype on Thursday about my sexual frustration (one thing at a time, right?).
We talked a again yesterday.
Now at first,
it seemed alright.
She understood completely. According to her.
But then she began revealing little tid-bits. Minuscule hints.
To her I'd always been so in control,
that she did not expect this to be a big deal to me.
Very cute.
Maybe I was tired, but I didn't fully get this at first,
thinking it was just her way of expressing what she really thought.
So yeah, for the slow ones out there,
her comment above was a motherfucking insult.
And yep, she did indeed anticipate this.
I didn't. Maybe because I'm still... new to it.
But I should have, so that's on me.
Fuck I'm so sleepy.
But who am I kidding?
There's no way I'd be able to get back to sleep. Tried that shit for like an hour already.
Where was I?
Oh yeah.
Remember the whole 'framing a demand as a request' thing?
Yep. She knew exactly what she was 'asking'.
We also discussed how one month is too long,
and that in the future,
it has to be much shorter.
She agreed.
And then I realized. Not really.
Her plans for fucking December and staying for a month after I leave
are still on.
I remember the plan being 2 weeks after I leave.
But judging by her past actions, especially
her
yea, I would not be fucking surprised if she stayed until February.
If she even asks this, I will make it clear that she is asking to put the marriage in jeopardy.
Do not fuck with me.
Just did a quick Google search which reminded me.
Women can get way too emotional.
So emotional in fact,
that it can override intelligence.
And I remembered that
for every promise broken,
there needs to be consequences.
Like the whole 'learning about Islam' thing.
She promised.
Then she broke her promise.
And she lied about the reason.
Instead she began coming up
with all kinds of lame-ass excuses and demands.
She wants me to learn about HER beliefs.
I did learn from her,
understood why,
and accepted it.
She can't understand why I believe what I believe.
But that's beside the point.
You made a promise. You keep to it.
I don't need to do shit for you to keep to your word.
I should have punished her. Stood firm.
Should have seen it for the shit-test that it was.
Vying for control.
Same thing with the sex issue.
All that passive-aggressive bullshit. It's for control.
If not completely, then a large part of it.
In any case, that is what is happening,
regardless of whether she realizes it or not.
Control.
I will let the 'learning about Islam' thing slide for now.
The mistake I made was not punishing her for it.
But I made the decision,
so I will stick with it.
There must be a different way.
But if she breaks any other promises,
there will be consequences.
And I know it'll be hard.
She'll cry, she'll throw fucking tantrums like a goddamn child.
She'll withhold sex- this hasn't happened yet but I KNOW it's coming.
Or maybe it has.
But I don't think the trip to Korea is mainly about using sex as a leverage.
So if she asks to stay for longer than 2 weeks in Korea,
she is asking to put the marriage in jeopardy.
May seem a bit extreme.
And I may frame it in a different way.
But I will need to stand my ground.
If she keeps doing this,
I'll only end up being more and more resentful.
And of course one thing will always lead to another.
She will keep trying to gain more and more control.
And I will keep getting more and more upset.
Even resisting her efforts would make me bitter eventually.
So splitting while
there are no kids involved might be the best option.
I feel like ending this post.
So tired.
But there are a few more things I need to get off my chest (fuck you).
During our chat,
because I was fucking blind,
I figured hey,
why don't we get a hotel room,
if she's so concerned about privacy?
And since Ramadhan is about 2 days after she arrives,
let's get a room the day after she reaches home.
It'd be fun, exciting, and romantic.
Yep. I actually looked up 'romantic hotels in Singapore'.
Fucking idiot.
She actually suggested AFER Ramadhan,
knowing full well how goddamn frustrated I was.
And then I suggested the day after she returned.
Her response?
'I don't know'.
Her standard response for anything she doesn't want to do,
but wants to avoid the guilt for saying 'no' to.
'How tired will you be on Monday? ;)'
'I don't know'
'Don't worry about me...'
Right.
So basically 'I really don't want to... but since you insist, FINE... I'll force myself to go through with it.'
Right. How can you not turned on by that, eh?
A wife who doesn't really want to have sex with you,
and makes you feel like a fucking asshat for 'pushing' her.
If that isn't passive-aggressive,
I don't know what is.
I want to have sex with someone who WANTS it with me.
I want to make love.
Ha. I might as well have asked a fucking lifeless corpse.
Oh she says she feels it too,
but gets easily distracted.
I read that women and men
tend to react to sex differently.
But she already knew I would be hurt.
And I fucking allowed it.
I ALLOWED IT.
You stupid, stupid motherfucker.
Nearly every time I approach her,
she's as dry as the asphalt after a month without rain.
And I had thought maybe it was the whole privacy thing.
But that wasn't the case at Connie's place, where we also stayed in a bedroom
in an apartment.
And Connie was home at night.
My wife was dripping wet.
Now, she's all dried out, it seems.
She could be so easily manipulated.
Maybe I'm just bitter.
Could be that this is just the fatigue and frustration talking.
But if I were single,
it would be so easy to fucking seduce her even if she were married.
Too easy.
And I'm pretty sure she'd feel guilt afterwards.
Oh but she would ENJOY the sex.
Just feel guilty afterwards.
Or not.
Maybe just a little bit of guilt.
Until she tells her husband (or he finds out).
Remember her attitude towards cheating?
It's only sex!
Just get over it and move on! Right?
If her husband doesn't, then clearly, CLEARLY he's the one with the problem.
I made the mistake of watching some amateur porn.
First time in my life (and I'm 31!) that I decided to watch the whole thing.
From the way the couple talked on the bed,
to the cuddling...
to the sex.
And she was moaning
She loved it.
It got to the point where she had to cover her mouth and she moaned and moaned.
She was on top, then on the bottom.
Why the hell did I watch it?
Goddammit.
Now I'm plagued by visions about
how my wife enjoyed sex with her exes.
I remember seeing glimpses of her reactions.
She can be pretty damn confident when she's on top.
And before we got married,
more than once she joked about tying me up (she started it),
being on top,
being in control.
She loved it. LOVED IT.
Then we got married,
and while it was hot the first night (or afternoon, technically!),
it became subdued in a hurry.
Maybe it's because of the way I curve to the left.
Maybe it's because of my inexperience.
But I could tell she was disappointed.
Every time I disappoint her. That's how I feel anyway.
Maybe once or twice I don't.
But doesn't really matter, if you keep missing the shot 99% of the time.
So I got to thinking.
What if she missed that kind of sex.
Now I bet she does.
Yep. I have become that paranoid.
I had asked her this week,
if there were anything I could do.
She went with 'Hmmmm.....'
and then again with the 'oh we will discover things naturally'.
This must've been the 3rd or 4th time I'd asked.
Fucking hell.
I wouldn't be so paranoid if
she didn't have a history of keeping the real answers hidden
until you dig deep enough.
So yea.
There is definitely something. Or a couple of things.
Reminds me of the 'I was sooo horny in the afternoon'
crap she would pull on me.
Yea... horny in the afternoon...
but when I'm back,
all of a sudden you're fucking dry as the desert again, right?
And I have no doubt now she knows
how that makes me feel.
If I call her out on that thing specifically,
she is likely to respond with something like 'I'm just telling you! I can't tell my husband? OK fine I won't next time'.
Fuck her. Not literally.
You know what I mean.
I could pull the same shit on her,
tell her how fucking horny I was...
and then just head to bed and sleep.
Been thinking a lot about doing things like that.
Tit-for-tat.
But that is fucking immature.
She will not reduce me to that kind of person.
So back to the type of sex she loves.
How long before she really wants it again?
Combine it with her attitude towards cheating,
and how easily it is to mess with her emotional side to get her in the mood...
Yep.
I know... I know... I could just run game on my wife.
But I should've done pre-selection more thoroughly.
I do not want to always have to be running game.
In my own space, I want to be able to relax!
Man.
Sure, marriage takes work. I get that.
But even for sex,
it can't be the exact same method for getting sex
with women you meet outside.
It's my home.
I need to be able to let my guard down a little bit.
This does indeed seem like a harsh post.
But this is how she makes me feel now.
Oh, and after the Skype conversation
about how sexually frustrated I was...
When I reached home that night to have a video chat with her,
like we usually do,
SHE WAS ALREADY IN BED.
Seriously?
And when I texted her,
the passive-aggressive bullshit reared its head again.
'I just lied down'.
'You wanted to talk? I can turn on the computer.'
Yep.
'I'm too tired to deal with you... but if you INSIST,
I will force myself to climb out of bed,
and go through the hassle of switching on the computer,
wait for it to load,
just so you can say whatever unimportant bullshit you need to say. OK beloved husband?'
Go fuck yourself.
Go fuck yourself.
Go fuck yourself.
Eh, she probably does.
Little by little the pieces come apart.
When enough of them do,
there might not be enough glue to fix it.
Well enough of that
p.s. and fucking EXERCISE goddammit. you told me you used to go for walks, deliberately giving me the impression that you workout... and now you say YOU HATE EXERCISE. And the excuse? IT MAKES YOU SWEAT?? COME ON.
I married you for your personality, for who you are... but apparently who you are can change any time you feel like it.
p.p.s. Sometimes I wonder if I should just run some game on a hot 20 year-old
who actually looks after herself.
p.p.p.s. This is what you have made me. And I allowed it. Time to change.
Wednesday, June 26, 2013
Tipping Point
It just hit me.
And now, I'm seeing red.
A part of me is trying to reason with me,
to look on the bright side,
to consider the great things that have happened recently,
instead of focusing on a few negatives.
Not working.
Just not working at all.
Maybe it's the lack of sleep from the past couple of days.
Maybe it's the lack of sex,
or general anxiety about my work.
It's probably all of it and then some.
All I know is that it's better to vent here.
Let it out.
Articulate my thoughts.
Ok fine,
so you still don't know what the fuck I'm talking about.
Here's the thing.
I'm writing this for ME,
not you.
So kindly fuck off, ok?
There you go.
Now where was I?
Right.
Pissed off. Seeing red.
Volcanoes and misery,
storms and anger and destruction.
Yeah.
This might be the tipping point.
Today is the day I actually thought
that maybe, maybe it was mistake to get married.
Maybe it would be better to call it quits.
Before it gets worse.
I love her,
but I don't think she loves me as much.
Either that, or she really is that clueless.
Either way, not a good sign.
Now before I move on,
this is not solely about one or two things.
I'm already in a pretty bad place.
Not sure if I'll be able to hold on to my job for much longer.
Hell, I haven't even been able to score a single interview.
My bank account isn't doing too good,
and soon,
both my parents won't be able to work anymore.
Oh, and my younger brother has just recently graduated and can't find a job.
It is Singapore, after all.
And my youngest sister is still studying.
Add to that the fact that my grandmother,
my relatives,
so many people... need help.
The problems keep piling on top of each other...
and I feel buried underneath.
No matter how I twist and turn
to avoid the falling debris,
I keep getting knocked down further and further down the hole.
I feel like I'm drowning.
And where is my beloved wife?
In Korea.
Now don't get me wrong.
It's not just one thing.
Man, I feel for her mom, I do.
If this were the only time she wanted to spend a month with her mom,
if it were the only thing...
then hell, it wouldn't even be a 'thing'.
There have been many moments when she'd been sweet to me.
But I cannot overlook the major issues (which apparently, are not major to her).
She's broken what, 2-3 major promises she'd made
before we got married.
One of them was to learn about Islam.
It's fine if you want to take your time.
And I'd be the last person to force anyone to do it.
But before marriage,
we discussed it.
If we were to join our lives,
this is something she would have to do.
So we got married.
And yea,
because she's on a Long-Term Visit Pass,
she can't work.
I do feel bad for her,
to be so far away from her mom and friends,
and having to deal with the boredom of staying alone in a room.
I get it.
But after a few months,
she hasn't even bothered learn.
She has these misconceptions,
and there are times when I am unable to answer her questions
about why Islam encourages this,
or forbids that.
I learned about all that stuff ages ago,
and accepted the reasons.
Just can't recall them anymore.
But she would press me for the answers,
and when I recommended going for classes,
or even checking out some sites with reliable info,
she balked.
She said she wanted to take classes before we got married.
And I said I would attend with her.
So a few months ago,
I suggested we sign up for a class.
She kept giving noncommittal answers...
until finally,
after I'd asked her occasionally
over a long period of many weeks,
she finally confessed that she had no intention of doing it.
None.
She claimed that during the conversion ceremony,
because the person mentioned all the responsibilities of a Muslim
and the rules she has to follow,
she decided not to learn.
At all.
Saying that because she didn't hear
anything about how she could do whatever she wanted,
she just flat out refused to learn.
Never mind the fact that a) she's officially been a Muslim for months now
doing whatever the hell she wanted,
and b) Islam always gives you the choice.
The rules are there for you to decide whether or not to follow.
No angels are gonna come down to beat your ass if you break any of them.
She went on and on about these rules...
but whenever I tried to point out that Islam is NOT like that,
and that she should at least learn about it first before rejecting it,
she gets really, really upset.
I mean holy shit.
This is a big thing for me.
She knows that.
I made it clear BEFORE we got married.
She agreed to at least learn about it.
And she broke that promise.
We even had an argument about how our (hypothetical) kids
were to be brought up.
EVEN THOUGH WE HAD THIS DISCUSSION AND CAME TO AN AGREEMENT BEFORE WE GOT MARRIED.
It's like she conveniently forgets things that aren't in her favour.
Things that don't suit her current moods.
The way I see it,
if it's not important to her,
then its not an important issue.
She hates rules.
But follows them,
and expects others to do the same,
when she feels they make sense.
Her opinion is king.
I mean goddammit,
she can't even seem to grasp the difference between 'opinion' and 'fact'.
Seriously.
If your name is 'John',
then the fact is, your name is John.
If anyone calls you 'Tim',
that's wrong.
But in her eyes,
it's perfectly fine.
Why? Because to her, calling you 'Tim' is an opinion.
Now how do you argue with that kind of logic?
It's like loading yourself into a catapult,
and launching yourself headfirst into a brick wall of pain, confusion, and anger.
There are a few other things,
but I'm tired,
so I'll just stick with the ones that really bother me.
How much do they bother me?
I considered ditching her.
THAT is how much.
Now shut the fuck up.
When she was younger in China,
she had a friend,
who apparently was soooo horny,
that she slept with so many guys...
while her boyfriend waited for her back in Russia.
Nobody bothered to tell him.
And she found it funny that her friend slept with so many guys.
Amusing is more appropriate.
The boyfriend it seemed,
had no idea.
And they eventually got married.
Happy ending right?
Sure.
Considering she named her first kid AFTER HER EX.
And what was my wife's response?
Amused incredulity.
The way she described it,
man,
I wouldn't be surprised if that kid isn't the husband's.
But your friend being a serial cheater is one thing.
To my wife,
their getting married and having a kid is a happy ending.
Right.
As if that woman would've suddenly stopped cheating.
I hate to break it to you,
but if she had no problems lying for years to her boyfriend,
and then marrying him and naming their first kid after an ex,
I doubt she'd think twice about cheating on him again.
Hell, I wouldn't be surprised if she were cheating on him still.
Yea, yea... I shouldn't judge.
And yes, I could be mistaken.
But the way she described her friend...
yea I doubt that's the case.
But that's not the problem.
It's the way she described it,
as if it were a funny story.
To her,
sure, her friend did something wrong...
but hey! it's not a big deal!
Yea... cheating on your partner is nothing!
The fact that we had just got married...
and that she pretty much does whatever she'd like to do...
and that I'm busy working all day while she has all that time to kill...
She doesn't see how that might bother me?
Really?
Oh, and when I mentioned that
if it had happened to me...
there is no way in hell I would forgive the girl...
and we would never be together...
When I mentioned that,
she was shocked.
Shocked! I tell you!
To her, when you're really horny
and your partner isn't around,
and you decide to bone someone else,
it's OK.
Because you've released the tension.
You've got it over and done with.
So it's all good!
Right.
Like how her friend couldn't resist cheating
over and over and over and over again...
Took her a while to release all that tension, eh?
And she can't understand why that mentality bothers me.
I could start sarging again.
Running game.
Dating hot chicks.
I even considered it today.
Why not?
But I wouldn't sleep with anyone...
due to my religious beliefs.
I could do it.
Just date again.
I knew I'd still have to run game on her...
it never really ends.
But I figured I could loosen up a bit.
I wouldn't have to keep so focused all the time.
Now she's in Korea.
She wanted to go back for a month.
And at the end of this year,
she wants to stay for another month.
Back when she was living in Beijing,
she'd visit her mom only once a year,
and maybe for a week at most.
But hey, her mom's living alone,
and her husband passed away not too long ago.
I get it.
My wife can't seem to decide whether or not
she wants to stay with me.
I feel like a goddamn dog,
waiting patiently for its master to return.
And I'm expected to be happy.
Ecstatic even.
Are you fucking kidding me?
We've just got married...
and there have been many times she just flats out does not want to have sex.
She'll give me a blowjob...
and it feels like she does it just to shut me up.
Yea, a real motherfucking turn-on there.
Oh, and she'll only reveal what's the real problem
after intense, continuous digging.
Great. That sounds not quite right
coming directly after talking about sex.
Ah fuck it.
So we've just got married...
and she goes away on long trips.
Oh, and when she's back,
it'll only be 2 days before Ramadhan.
That means 'no sex'... for another month.
I may not be the most pious guy around,
but I do observe the Fasting Month (and she won't, obviously).
And if I bring up sex (or lack thereof),
and her visiting her mom for such long periods...
an argument is sure to follow.
She frames demands as requests.
So in other words,
saying 'yes' is the only real answer.
I can't have frank discussions with her
about things that bother me
because if it involves something she does,
no matter how minor,
it would suddenly turn a discussion about her and her alone,
and about how I'm supposed to accept it.
For example,
in the middle of a conversation on Skype,
while I was in mid-sentence,
she heard BEEP! and proceeded to check the message,
and type a reply...
all while I was just staring at the screen like a dumbass.
THEN she proceeded to go 'Oh it's my friend'.
And because she got another message,
she went 'Sorry, one moment' while she replied.
Now I'm fine,
if you need me to hold on for a minute.
But cutting me off mid-sentence?
And then making me WAIT.
Who the fuck do you think you are?
To me that is like a slap to the face.
If we were only dating,
I would've hung up on her.
Now admittedly,
the way I responded was pretty childish.
From past experience,
I knew confronting her about it would result in an argument.
So being the genius that I am,
I then proceeded to pay very little attention to her,
while surfing and reading articles.
And when I told her why I did it.
Yep.
You guessed it.
Argument.
She started by saying that's how she'd always been (i.e. ACCEPT ME, BITCH),
and then changed tack by claiming she'd indeed asked me to hold on a minute
while she replied to her friend.
Funny how her memory changes to suit her argument.
The fact that I remember this
The fact that I'm even writing all this shit down
makes me feel like I'm goddamn petty.
And I probably am.
That's the stage we're at.
So after Ramadhan,
we're scheduled to visit her mom again in December...
this time with my family in tow.
So two weeks... no sex.
And she'd like to stay on for much longer.
I forget how long...
but I wouldn't be surprised if she returned only in February,
with a plan to return for another month or two or three a little further into the year.
-fuck.
I'd just been interrupted by my annoying, greedy, snivelling, jackass, dumbass landlord
about the washing machine.
There was a knocking sound made by the laundry,
which is normal when a heavy load hadn't been placed properly.
No big deal, and perfectly normal.
That machine was built for it.
He decided to take that as an opening
to talk about how much the electricity bill has gone up (I'd agreed to an earlier increase on the condition that he never mention it again)(he did)(the fucker),
about how my wife had washed a duvet a few months back (the machine has a DUVET SETTING, YOU MORON), and tried to blame alleged damage on that.
Yea, he's clearly seeking an excuse to kick us out,
or increase the rent.
Now I've got that to worry about as well.
Perfect.
But I digress (not for the first time, I know).
So I can't have frank discussions with her.
If I bring up sex,
an argument is not only a guarantee,
but what follows will be a guilt trip.
Or some kind of attempt at humiliation by
portraying me as some kind of jerk who demands sex all the time.
And when that happens,
you can bet your ass I am not sleeping with her.
That too, would somehow be my fault.
It's already 11pm.
I'm tired.
I'm frustrated.
I'm lonely.
Apparently I'm married.
I have the certificate and everything.
Maybe things will get better.
Maybe not.
She just texted me 'Good night'.
I am not responding.
Oh, and I'm under no illusions that if
she ever sees this post,
instead of seeing how troubled I am,
she will not only miss the point,
but she would again,
make this about how I'm 'not accepting her'.
If that happens.
I'm 99% sure we'll be through.
If I'd found out about all this while
we were dating,
I would've ditched her AGES ago.
But we never really dated.
And maybe that's a good thing.
Maybe marriage forces to work these issues out.
She could be the right person for me after all.
Or maybe I made a huge mistake.
Well enough of that
And now, I'm seeing red.
A part of me is trying to reason with me,
to look on the bright side,
to consider the great things that have happened recently,
instead of focusing on a few negatives.
Not working.
Just not working at all.
Maybe it's the lack of sleep from the past couple of days.
Maybe it's the lack of sex,
or general anxiety about my work.
It's probably all of it and then some.
All I know is that it's better to vent here.
Let it out.
Articulate my thoughts.
Ok fine,
so you still don't know what the fuck I'm talking about.
Here's the thing.
I'm writing this for ME,
not you.
So kindly fuck off, ok?
There you go.
Now where was I?
Right.
Pissed off. Seeing red.
Volcanoes and misery,
storms and anger and destruction.
Yeah.
This might be the tipping point.
Today is the day I actually thought
that maybe, maybe it was mistake to get married.
Maybe it would be better to call it quits.
Before it gets worse.
I love her,
but I don't think she loves me as much.
Either that, or she really is that clueless.
Either way, not a good sign.
Now before I move on,
this is not solely about one or two things.
I'm already in a pretty bad place.
Not sure if I'll be able to hold on to my job for much longer.
Hell, I haven't even been able to score a single interview.
My bank account isn't doing too good,
and soon,
both my parents won't be able to work anymore.
Oh, and my younger brother has just recently graduated and can't find a job.
It is Singapore, after all.
And my youngest sister is still studying.
Add to that the fact that my grandmother,
my relatives,
so many people... need help.
The problems keep piling on top of each other...
and I feel buried underneath.
No matter how I twist and turn
to avoid the falling debris,
I keep getting knocked down further and further down the hole.
I feel like I'm drowning.
And where is my beloved wife?
In Korea.
Now don't get me wrong.
It's not just one thing.
Man, I feel for her mom, I do.
If this were the only time she wanted to spend a month with her mom,
if it were the only thing...
then hell, it wouldn't even be a 'thing'.
There have been many moments when she'd been sweet to me.
But I cannot overlook the major issues (which apparently, are not major to her).
She's broken what, 2-3 major promises she'd made
before we got married.
One of them was to learn about Islam.
It's fine if you want to take your time.
And I'd be the last person to force anyone to do it.
But before marriage,
we discussed it.
If we were to join our lives,
this is something she would have to do.
So we got married.
And yea,
because she's on a Long-Term Visit Pass,
she can't work.
I do feel bad for her,
to be so far away from her mom and friends,
and having to deal with the boredom of staying alone in a room.
I get it.
But after a few months,
she hasn't even bothered learn.
She has these misconceptions,
and there are times when I am unable to answer her questions
about why Islam encourages this,
or forbids that.
I learned about all that stuff ages ago,
and accepted the reasons.
Just can't recall them anymore.
But she would press me for the answers,
and when I recommended going for classes,
or even checking out some sites with reliable info,
she balked.
She said she wanted to take classes before we got married.
And I said I would attend with her.
So a few months ago,
I suggested we sign up for a class.
She kept giving noncommittal answers...
until finally,
after I'd asked her occasionally
over a long period of many weeks,
she finally confessed that she had no intention of doing it.
None.
She claimed that during the conversion ceremony,
because the person mentioned all the responsibilities of a Muslim
and the rules she has to follow,
she decided not to learn.
At all.
Saying that because she didn't hear
anything about how she could do whatever she wanted,
she just flat out refused to learn.
Never mind the fact that a) she's officially been a Muslim for months now
doing whatever the hell she wanted,
and b) Islam always gives you the choice.
The rules are there for you to decide whether or not to follow.
No angels are gonna come down to beat your ass if you break any of them.
She went on and on about these rules...
but whenever I tried to point out that Islam is NOT like that,
and that she should at least learn about it first before rejecting it,
she gets really, really upset.
I mean holy shit.
This is a big thing for me.
She knows that.
I made it clear BEFORE we got married.
She agreed to at least learn about it.
And she broke that promise.
We even had an argument about how our (hypothetical) kids
were to be brought up.
EVEN THOUGH WE HAD THIS DISCUSSION AND CAME TO AN AGREEMENT BEFORE WE GOT MARRIED.
It's like she conveniently forgets things that aren't in her favour.
Things that don't suit her current moods.
The way I see it,
if it's not important to her,
then its not an important issue.
She hates rules.
But follows them,
and expects others to do the same,
when she feels they make sense.
Her opinion is king.
I mean goddammit,
she can't even seem to grasp the difference between 'opinion' and 'fact'.
Seriously.
If your name is 'John',
then the fact is, your name is John.
If anyone calls you 'Tim',
that's wrong.
But in her eyes,
it's perfectly fine.
Why? Because to her, calling you 'Tim' is an opinion.
Now how do you argue with that kind of logic?
It's like loading yourself into a catapult,
and launching yourself headfirst into a brick wall of pain, confusion, and anger.
There are a few other things,
but I'm tired,
so I'll just stick with the ones that really bother me.
How much do they bother me?
I considered ditching her.
THAT is how much.
Now shut the fuck up.
When she was younger in China,
she had a friend,
who apparently was soooo horny,
that she slept with so many guys...
while her boyfriend waited for her back in Russia.
Nobody bothered to tell him.
And she found it funny that her friend slept with so many guys.
Amusing is more appropriate.
The boyfriend it seemed,
had no idea.
And they eventually got married.
Happy ending right?
Sure.
Considering she named her first kid AFTER HER EX.
And what was my wife's response?
Amused incredulity.
The way she described it,
man,
I wouldn't be surprised if that kid isn't the husband's.
But your friend being a serial cheater is one thing.
To my wife,
their getting married and having a kid is a happy ending.
Right.
As if that woman would've suddenly stopped cheating.
I hate to break it to you,
but if she had no problems lying for years to her boyfriend,
and then marrying him and naming their first kid after an ex,
I doubt she'd think twice about cheating on him again.
Hell, I wouldn't be surprised if she were cheating on him still.
Yea, yea... I shouldn't judge.
And yes, I could be mistaken.
But the way she described her friend...
yea I doubt that's the case.
But that's not the problem.
It's the way she described it,
as if it were a funny story.
To her,
sure, her friend did something wrong...
but hey! it's not a big deal!
Yea... cheating on your partner is nothing!
The fact that we had just got married...
and that she pretty much does whatever she'd like to do...
and that I'm busy working all day while she has all that time to kill...
She doesn't see how that might bother me?
Really?
Oh, and when I mentioned that
if it had happened to me...
there is no way in hell I would forgive the girl...
and we would never be together...
When I mentioned that,
she was shocked.
Shocked! I tell you!
To her, when you're really horny
and your partner isn't around,
and you decide to bone someone else,
it's OK.
Because you've released the tension.
You've got it over and done with.
So it's all good!
Right.
Like how her friend couldn't resist cheating
over and over and over and over again...
Took her a while to release all that tension, eh?
And she can't understand why that mentality bothers me.
I could start sarging again.
Running game.
Dating hot chicks.
I even considered it today.
Why not?
But I wouldn't sleep with anyone...
due to my religious beliefs.
I could do it.
Just date again.
I knew I'd still have to run game on her...
it never really ends.
But I figured I could loosen up a bit.
I wouldn't have to keep so focused all the time.
Now she's in Korea.
She wanted to go back for a month.
And at the end of this year,
she wants to stay for another month.
Back when she was living in Beijing,
she'd visit her mom only once a year,
and maybe for a week at most.
But hey, her mom's living alone,
and her husband passed away not too long ago.
I get it.
My wife can't seem to decide whether or not
she wants to stay with me.
I feel like a goddamn dog,
waiting patiently for its master to return.
And I'm expected to be happy.
Ecstatic even.
Are you fucking kidding me?
We've just got married...
and there have been many times she just flats out does not want to have sex.
She'll give me a blowjob...
and it feels like she does it just to shut me up.
Yea, a real motherfucking turn-on there.
Oh, and she'll only reveal what's the real problem
after intense, continuous digging.
Great. That sounds not quite right
coming directly after talking about sex.
Ah fuck it.
So we've just got married...
and she goes away on long trips.
Oh, and when she's back,
it'll only be 2 days before Ramadhan.
That means 'no sex'... for another month.
I may not be the most pious guy around,
but I do observe the Fasting Month (and she won't, obviously).
And if I bring up sex (or lack thereof),
and her visiting her mom for such long periods...
an argument is sure to follow.
She frames demands as requests.
So in other words,
saying 'yes' is the only real answer.
I can't have frank discussions with her
about things that bother me
because if it involves something she does,
no matter how minor,
it would suddenly turn a discussion about her and her alone,
and about how I'm supposed to accept it.
For example,
in the middle of a conversation on Skype,
while I was in mid-sentence,
she heard BEEP! and proceeded to check the message,
and type a reply...
all while I was just staring at the screen like a dumbass.
THEN she proceeded to go 'Oh it's my friend'.
And because she got another message,
she went 'Sorry, one moment' while she replied.
Now I'm fine,
if you need me to hold on for a minute.
But cutting me off mid-sentence?
And then making me WAIT.
Who the fuck do you think you are?
To me that is like a slap to the face.
If we were only dating,
I would've hung up on her.
Now admittedly,
the way I responded was pretty childish.
From past experience,
I knew confronting her about it would result in an argument.
So being the genius that I am,
I then proceeded to pay very little attention to her,
while surfing and reading articles.
And when I told her why I did it.
Yep.
You guessed it.
Argument.
She started by saying that's how she'd always been (i.e. ACCEPT ME, BITCH),
and then changed tack by claiming she'd indeed asked me to hold on a minute
while she replied to her friend.
Funny how her memory changes to suit her argument.
The fact that I remember this
The fact that I'm even writing all this shit down
makes me feel like I'm goddamn petty.
And I probably am.
That's the stage we're at.
So after Ramadhan,
we're scheduled to visit her mom again in December...
this time with my family in tow.
So two weeks... no sex.
And she'd like to stay on for much longer.
I forget how long...
but I wouldn't be surprised if she returned only in February,
with a plan to return for another month or two or three a little further into the year.
-fuck.
I'd just been interrupted by my annoying, greedy, snivelling, jackass, dumbass landlord
about the washing machine.
There was a knocking sound made by the laundry,
which is normal when a heavy load hadn't been placed properly.
No big deal, and perfectly normal.
That machine was built for it.
He decided to take that as an opening
to talk about how much the electricity bill has gone up (I'd agreed to an earlier increase on the condition that he never mention it again)(he did)(the fucker),
about how my wife had washed a duvet a few months back (the machine has a DUVET SETTING, YOU MORON), and tried to blame alleged damage on that.
Yea, he's clearly seeking an excuse to kick us out,
or increase the rent.
Now I've got that to worry about as well.
Perfect.
But I digress (not for the first time, I know).
So I can't have frank discussions with her.
If I bring up sex,
an argument is not only a guarantee,
but what follows will be a guilt trip.
Or some kind of attempt at humiliation by
portraying me as some kind of jerk who demands sex all the time.
And when that happens,
you can bet your ass I am not sleeping with her.
That too, would somehow be my fault.
It's already 11pm.
I'm tired.
I'm frustrated.
I'm lonely.
Apparently I'm married.
I have the certificate and everything.
Maybe things will get better.
Maybe not.
She just texted me 'Good night'.
I am not responding.
Oh, and I'm under no illusions that if
she ever sees this post,
instead of seeing how troubled I am,
she will not only miss the point,
but she would again,
make this about how I'm 'not accepting her'.
If that happens.
I'm 99% sure we'll be through.
If I'd found out about all this while
we were dating,
I would've ditched her AGES ago.
But we never really dated.
And maybe that's a good thing.
Maybe marriage forces to work these issues out.
She could be the right person for me after all.
Or maybe I made a huge mistake.
Well enough of that
Friday, June 14, 2013
Clear Blue Sky and Sunshine
So yeah.
This: http://www.channelnewsasia.com/news/singapore/agc-sends-warning-to/710314.html
A warning was sent to a filmmaker by the Attorney-General's Chambers who had recorded interviews with
the 2 PRC bus drivers (apparently the 'ring-leaders')(has a villainy ring to it, don't you think?)
about how they were treated by the police,
about how they were coerced into making 'confessions'.
Now before I continue,
I gotta say,
that these guys do indeed have my support.
They'd gone through all the available avenues
FOR A FUCKING YEAR
to remedy their deplorable living conditions...
And as a last resort,
they all went on Medical Leave (you know, take a 'sickie')
at the same time as a protest.
Now if you'd heard about the news
only through the official channels...
Holy shit! You'd think these were the
most dangerous motherfuckers
to enter Singapore since the British,
and would've brought about Armageddon!
Because you know,
standing around peacefully
at their workplace
is a grave, grave danger to the stability of the country,
and your sanity,
not to mention the sanity of your cute little kittens.
WE MUST PROTECT THE KITTENS AT ALL COST
So yeah.
Back to the story.
Something bothered me about the story.
Not the warning itself.
That's par for the course here.
It bothered me so much,
that even though I'm exhausted,
and it's 1am,
here I am,
posting about it.
Yes, yes... you really appreciate it, I know.
Now shut the fuck up.
Was it the flimsy-as-a-stripper's-thong justification?
"The AGC in a statement said that Ms Lee was aware, at the time of publication, that criminal proceedings against He and Liu were ongoing, and thus her conduct had created "a real risk of prejudice" to the proceedings through subjudice.
This may lead to parties connected with the trial "would be improperly influenced" by the publication, in their making of findings of fact, the AGC said. It added: "These are matters that should be determined at a trial and not by publications that are made outside the court."
It sounds so very... reasonable.
Sounds like common sense.
How could you possibly argue against it?
Yep. Ok then!
Accepted!
I shall continue on my merry way-
Now wait.
Hang- Just wait a second...
Something... something's forming in my mind...
Oh yeah. Go fuck yourself.
What bothered me was how
I was initially unable to counter their justification.
So why was my first reaction of...
what's the right word here...
incredulity?
Yea. That's it.
Incredulity.
Now don't get me wrong,
what she done could've well been against the current laws.
You see the thing about the system here in Singapore,
the laws (and constitution)(ha what a joke) pretty much reflect
what the PAP allow and don't allow.
Something happens to be currently legal?
They don't like it?
No problem!
Just amend the law... or hell, create a new one!
BAM! Legal justification, baby!
And if that doesn't suit their fancy,
there's always the Internal Security Act...
indefinite detentions without trial.
You know... for our own protection.
It reminded me of how I was falsely accused,
then railroaded into a motherfucking 'confession'.
Yeah, not too much faith in the legal system.
But why should the filmmaker NOT be punished?
Well for starters,
you can't give interviews while out on bail?
Are you fucking serious?
Is that a law now?
I don't know. Maybe. Knowing Singapore,
it might be.
Now here's the thing.
Those guys gave the interviews.
She reported it.
And she is guilty?
Seriously?
Besides that, though.
Let's do a bit of a recap.
These guys went through
all the proper channels to air their legitimate grievances...
they were literally suffering...
and nothing happened.
So their last resort was a harmless protest.
And what happened?
They get arrested,
demonized,
charged with something along the lines
of threatening to rape the constitution and coconuts or something...
Oh, and did I mention while they were being detained (I forget how long),
they didn't have access to a lawyer?
OH! OH!
And there are no video recordings during police interrogations.
So you expect these guys to do what, exactly?
REPORT THE ABUSE TO THE EXACT SAME PEOPLE WHO WERE ABUSING THEM?
Right.
Now I'm not saying anybody
who makes an accusation should be immediately believed.
But the circumstances are different here.
This, plus the record of the legal system and police
isn't exactly stellar.
Why not give them access to lawyers?
Why not record the interrogations at least?
And lastly,
are you telling because of these two interviews,
a judge (not jury, by the way) (and not an elected judge either)
is suddenly gonna fling his hands in the air,
and toss out all his training and exclaim 'Oh shit! OK you guys are free to go! Fuck the facts! You are clearly innocent!'
You have THAT little faith in your judiciary?
What, are they little children?
Do they still believe in Santa?
Or maybe they really are that dumb.
I could go on and on about how the legal system
is stacked heavily in favour of the politically-connected
and wealthy...
but I really need to get some sleep.
Go fuck yourselves.
Well enough of that
This: http://www.channelnewsasia.com/news/singapore/agc-sends-warning-to/710314.html
A warning was sent to a filmmaker by the Attorney-General's Chambers who had recorded interviews with
the 2 PRC bus drivers (apparently the 'ring-leaders')(has a villainy ring to it, don't you think?)
about how they were treated by the police,
about how they were coerced into making 'confessions'.
Now before I continue,
I gotta say,
that these guys do indeed have my support.
They'd gone through all the available avenues
FOR A FUCKING YEAR
to remedy their deplorable living conditions...
And as a last resort,
they all went on Medical Leave (you know, take a 'sickie')
at the same time as a protest.
Now if you'd heard about the news
only through the official channels...
Holy shit! You'd think these were the
most dangerous motherfuckers
to enter Singapore since the British,
and would've brought about Armageddon!
Because you know,
standing around peacefully
at their workplace
is a grave, grave danger to the stability of the country,
and your sanity,
not to mention the sanity of your cute little kittens.
WE MUST PROTECT THE KITTENS AT ALL COST
So yeah.
Back to the story.
Something bothered me about the story.
Not the warning itself.
That's par for the course here.
It bothered me so much,
that even though I'm exhausted,
and it's 1am,
here I am,
posting about it.
Yes, yes... you really appreciate it, I know.
Now shut the fuck up.
Was it the flimsy-as-a-stripper's-thong justification?
"The AGC in a statement said that Ms Lee was aware, at the time of publication, that criminal proceedings against He and Liu were ongoing, and thus her conduct had created "a real risk of prejudice" to the proceedings through subjudice.
This may lead to parties connected with the trial "would be improperly influenced" by the publication, in their making of findings of fact, the AGC said. It added: "These are matters that should be determined at a trial and not by publications that are made outside the court."
It sounds so very... reasonable.
Sounds like common sense.
How could you possibly argue against it?
Yep. Ok then!
Accepted!
I shall continue on my merry way-
Now wait.
Hang- Just wait a second...
Something... something's forming in my mind...
Oh yeah. Go fuck yourself.
What bothered me was how
I was initially unable to counter their justification.
So why was my first reaction of...
what's the right word here...
incredulity?
Yea. That's it.
Incredulity.
Now don't get me wrong,
what she done could've well been against the current laws.
You see the thing about the system here in Singapore,
the laws (and constitution)(ha what a joke) pretty much reflect
what the PAP allow and don't allow.
Something happens to be currently legal?
They don't like it?
No problem!
Just amend the law... or hell, create a new one!
BAM! Legal justification, baby!
And if that doesn't suit their fancy,
there's always the Internal Security Act...
indefinite detentions without trial.
You know... for our own protection.
It reminded me of how I was falsely accused,
then railroaded into a motherfucking 'confession'.
Yeah, not too much faith in the legal system.
But why should the filmmaker NOT be punished?
Well for starters,
you can't give interviews while out on bail?
Are you fucking serious?
Is that a law now?
I don't know. Maybe. Knowing Singapore,
it might be.
Now here's the thing.
Those guys gave the interviews.
She reported it.
And she is guilty?
Seriously?
Besides that, though.
Let's do a bit of a recap.
These guys went through
all the proper channels to air their legitimate grievances...
they were literally suffering...
and nothing happened.
So their last resort was a harmless protest.
And what happened?
They get arrested,
demonized,
charged with something along the lines
of threatening to rape the constitution and coconuts or something...
Oh, and did I mention while they were being detained (I forget how long),
they didn't have access to a lawyer?
OH! OH!
And there are no video recordings during police interrogations.
So you expect these guys to do what, exactly?
REPORT THE ABUSE TO THE EXACT SAME PEOPLE WHO WERE ABUSING THEM?
Right.
Now I'm not saying anybody
who makes an accusation should be immediately believed.
But the circumstances are different here.
This, plus the record of the legal system and police
isn't exactly stellar.
Why not give them access to lawyers?
Why not record the interrogations at least?
And lastly,
are you telling because of these two interviews,
a judge (not jury, by the way) (and not an elected judge either)
is suddenly gonna fling his hands in the air,
and toss out all his training and exclaim 'Oh shit! OK you guys are free to go! Fuck the facts! You are clearly innocent!'
You have THAT little faith in your judiciary?
What, are they little children?
Do they still believe in Santa?
Or maybe they really are that dumb.
I could go on and on about how the legal system
is stacked heavily in favour of the politically-connected
and wealthy...
but I really need to get some sleep.
Go fuck yourselves.
Well enough of that
Thursday, June 13, 2013
Imitation Isn't Always Flattery. Unless You're Doing The Imitating, That Is.
So I was wondering about what to post about today.
I've been waking up several times at night the past 2 or 3 days,
and now I'm exhausted.
But I've got to keep posting,
got to keep trying to express myself.
Articulate my thoughts and all that.
I didn't want to post about 'heavy' topics like the goddamn Prism Programme.
No. Something lighter for me today.
So fortunately,
I stumbled upon this little morsel of passive-aggressive cuntery: http://www.linkedin.com/today/post/article/20130612005100-1291685-i-think-i-m-being-stalked?trk=tod-home-art-medium_0
A lovely little write-up about
how a business owner is being ruthlessly, relentlessly, shamelessly plagiarized!
Oh wait. No.
IMITATED.
OH MY GOD.
Another business is imitating your model??
HOLY SHIT.
Better stop the presses and get the president on the line!
Anyway, I have a few issues with this lovely, sweet-as-candy-floss, completely innocent article.
Just a few.
The article starts off with the author implying that she is being stalked.
Sure, she doesn't state that exactly.
But the frame has been set.
Someone out there is doing something bad to her.
She is the victim.
Then, she goes on and on about all the nice things she'd done...
Look at how much good I've done for all of you! Look! Come on! LOOK GODDAMMIT!
Now let me point out that this woman
has 150,000 followers.
Ooooh I just feel the call-to-action coming.
Not too long now.
Now she talks about how a mysterious woman
is copying EVERYTHING she does.
EVERYTHING.
Giving herself the same title,
sending experience gifts with balloons (HOW DARE SHE! I STARTED IT FIRST! IT'S MY THING AND MINE ALONE GODDAMN YOU)...
you get the idea.
Of course this is swiftly followed by criticism "I cannot see any inspirational thought, innovation, or anything new."
Oh and by the way, up to this point,
and throughout the rest of the article,
she never specifies who this mysterious person is.
Although I'm willing to bet she already knows
her followers are going to try (and will) find out.
"So how should I respond? Do I stop writing, stop my public speaking, leave twitter alone? I have to say it is really disturbing to see such a blatant copy. "
I can just see her hands in that 'What can I possible do?' position.
Right. She was definitely considering quitting the things that
have been and are critical to her success.
Oh yeah.
For sure.
What can she possibly do, right?
Besides the fact that I seriously doubt she herself hasn't copied elements
from others (sending unique gifts for example)...
and that we've only got one side of the story so far...
What's wrong with it?
What, you're gonna sue in court for sending gifts with balloons too?
Man, that's like Burger King suing McDonald's for running a similar promotion.
Or Nike asking their followers if they should stop making sports shoes
just because Adidas started doing the same...
And you can bet your ass if she'd committed any kind of copyright infringement,
she would've received a shitload of notices from a lawyer.
No.
Since I'm out of time,
I'll need to wrap this shit up.
Staying back in the office for a blog post is not my idea of time well spent, you know what I mean?
Shut up.
So it's a sort of call-to-arms.
Passive aggressive bullshit.
The lady had done nothing illegal.
So what's the best thing to do?
Fuck up her reputation by getting your minions all riled up.
Already the comments section is filled with blind-as-fuck dumbasses
making suggestions on what she ought to do...
'Take legal action!'
'She sucks! You rule!'
... all without even hearing the other side of the story.
So yea.
Generate publicity, while rubbing a budding competitor's name in the mud.
Mission accomplished, eh?
Well enough of that
Monday, June 10, 2013
Boundless Informant
Prism. Boundless Informant. And who knows what else.
Before I continue,
I'd like to state that yes,
it is indeed motherfucking ironic that I'm posting on a site that actually contributes to the problem.
But fuck it.
I still need to express myself.
And regular pen and paper just won't do.
Maybe that's part of the problem, eh?
We're just so used to uploading
our thoughts and pictures and other types of personal information to the internet.
It's become a normal thing.
And of course,
whenever there's something precious,
whenever there's something to exploit for financial gain or power,
you can bet your ass that is exactly what is going to happen.
I've read hundreds of comments on the issue.
One thing that truly amazed me was
that there were actually people online
who were thinking along these lines:
"If you've done nothing wrong, what's there to hide?"
Yep. This type of people still exist!
I mean of course there are going to be people who think like that.
Just like there will always be those who believe Jesus was White,
and that the Easter Bunny is a friend of his.
But damn, man.
When you actually encounter one of these geniuses...
it's kind of like your brain got hit with a stun grenade.
Your jaw drops.
Oh yes.
That kind of stupidity STILL exists.
Well if you happen to be one of them,
let me say this:
Forget about the fact that THAT is one the things
most authoritarian governments say to justify the invasion of your privacy,
and it's not far behind the "It's for your own security!" justification
for taking away your rights - free speech comes to mind.
No. Forget about all that.
Let me put it in a way that is in the ballpark of what you might understand.
Once they know everything about you,
they OWN your ass.
When that happens,
you're going to be one of the 'in-betweens'.
You'll be one of those who remember that there was a time
when you could express yourself.
And you might even recall how that freedom slowly eroded.
Hell, you might even remember specific moments when it happened.
And that might make you a threat.
You see, the generations that come after you
are going to see absolutely nothing wrong with it.
They would've been trained.
Just like Soviet citizens accepted what life was like,
so will they.
They would have known nothing else.
That makes them less of a threat... than you.
You dare to express (unapproved) discontent?
Hope you like prison food.
Maybe an exaggeration at this stage.
But how do you think totalitarian regimes get started?
By first getting support from people like you, you dumb fuck.
Lately I've let others do the arguing for me.
And over time,
I lost the capability to argue.
Actually felt myself losing the ability to articulate my thoughts,
like it was fine sand,
slowly slipping through my fingers.
I would do a search for those who argued against a particular viewpoint
I disagreed with.
Then, once I found the ones that seem to match the amorphous
objections in my head,
I would just use their arguments.
Sure, I agreed with them.
But by relying solely on others,
I was losing the capacity for critical thinking.
I would see comments on stories and articles
that to me exhibited severe ignorance (and a lack of functioning brain cells),
and somehow,
the fear of being thought of like that actually almost stopped me
from expressing an opinion on something.
And that scared the shit out of me.
I will express my opinion.
And I will be open to debate,
and to the opinions of others.
Sometimes people will agree with me.
Sometimes they won't.
And sometimes I will make mistakes.
But it should never, ever stop me from expressing my thoughts.
This has been a much longer post than I'd expected.
And what's an even bigger surprise,
is that I feel compelled to write even more.
But I'm tired.
Tired, but a little satisfied.
This is the first step in a long, long series of steps that will need to be taken,
before I become once again comfortable in my own skin,
before I once again am able to clearly put into words
what I am thinking.
Being able to express yourself is critical.
I shall not take it for granted.
Well enough of that
Before I continue,
I'd like to state that yes,
it is indeed motherfucking ironic that I'm posting on a site that actually contributes to the problem.
But fuck it.
I still need to express myself.
And regular pen and paper just won't do.
Maybe that's part of the problem, eh?
We're just so used to uploading
our thoughts and pictures and other types of personal information to the internet.
It's become a normal thing.
And of course,
whenever there's something precious,
whenever there's something to exploit for financial gain or power,
you can bet your ass that is exactly what is going to happen.
I've read hundreds of comments on the issue.
One thing that truly amazed me was
that there were actually people online
who were thinking along these lines:
"If you've done nothing wrong, what's there to hide?"
Yep. This type of people still exist!
I mean of course there are going to be people who think like that.
Just like there will always be those who believe Jesus was White,
and that the Easter Bunny is a friend of his.
But damn, man.
When you actually encounter one of these geniuses...
it's kind of like your brain got hit with a stun grenade.
Your jaw drops.
Oh yes.
That kind of stupidity STILL exists.
Well if you happen to be one of them,
let me say this:
Forget about the fact that THAT is one the things
most authoritarian governments say to justify the invasion of your privacy,
and it's not far behind the "It's for your own security!" justification
for taking away your rights - free speech comes to mind.
No. Forget about all that.
Let me put it in a way that is in the ballpark of what you might understand.
Once they know everything about you,
they OWN your ass.
When that happens,
you're going to be one of the 'in-betweens'.
You'll be one of those who remember that there was a time
when you could express yourself.
And you might even recall how that freedom slowly eroded.
Hell, you might even remember specific moments when it happened.
And that might make you a threat.
You see, the generations that come after you
are going to see absolutely nothing wrong with it.
They would've been trained.
Just like Soviet citizens accepted what life was like,
so will they.
They would have known nothing else.
That makes them less of a threat... than you.
You dare to express (unapproved) discontent?
Hope you like prison food.
Maybe an exaggeration at this stage.
But how do you think totalitarian regimes get started?
By first getting support from people like you, you dumb fuck.
Lately I've let others do the arguing for me.
And over time,
I lost the capability to argue.
Actually felt myself losing the ability to articulate my thoughts,
like it was fine sand,
slowly slipping through my fingers.
I would do a search for those who argued against a particular viewpoint
I disagreed with.
Then, once I found the ones that seem to match the amorphous
objections in my head,
I would just use their arguments.
Sure, I agreed with them.
But by relying solely on others,
I was losing the capacity for critical thinking.
I would see comments on stories and articles
that to me exhibited severe ignorance (and a lack of functioning brain cells),
and somehow,
the fear of being thought of like that actually almost stopped me
from expressing an opinion on something.
And that scared the shit out of me.
I will express my opinion.
And I will be open to debate,
and to the opinions of others.
Sometimes people will agree with me.
Sometimes they won't.
And sometimes I will make mistakes.
But it should never, ever stop me from expressing my thoughts.
This has been a much longer post than I'd expected.
And what's an even bigger surprise,
is that I feel compelled to write even more.
But I'm tired.
Tired, but a little satisfied.
This is the first step in a long, long series of steps that will need to be taken,
before I become once again comfortable in my own skin,
before I once again am able to clearly put into words
what I am thinking.
Being able to express yourself is critical.
I shall not take it for granted.
Well enough of that
Sunday, June 2, 2013
What The Hell
So it's Monday again.
And here I am, trying to adhere to my new personal routine,
which includes a new blog post every morning before I begin doing actual work.
A sort of warm-up, if you will.
To set the mood for the day.
The plan is to spend an hour, from 8.30am to 9.30am doing this.
It is now 10am. Bah hahahahah.
Yea, I'm writing a blog post DURING OFFICE HOURS.
I'm so badass.
Every weekday I wake up and think to myself
"I really do not want to come into work today".
Every. Damn. Day.
It's not quite a lie to say that I like my job.
I do. The sales bit.
When I get to interact with customers,
and when I get to see
the more experienced Business Development guys in action and learn from them,
that's when I really enjoy my job.
But when there is no clear direction,
a lack of technical support and resources (I mean come on, STILL no fucking CRM?? COME ON),
it makes me want to quit. On the spot.
Would've done it ages ago, if only it weren't for this tiny, miniscule requirement that I tend to have from time to to time...
MONEY.
Ah well.
I'm downloading Game Maker at the moment,
hoping to get a bit of practice in each morning.
I used to think all you need is a great product to sell (like a great mobile game)...
and put in the minimum amount of effort to get that product out,
to be successful.
It's way overdue,
but I've come to realize that to wish for something like that,
would be to wish for a goddamn Arnold Schwarzengger physique
by working out 5 mins once a week and downing a protein shake right after.
Doesn't work like that.
You need to put in the effort.
Gonna be a pain in the ass,
and yea, yea... it's common sense too.
I feel like going back in time and smacking my self.
I was just a lazy asshole.
There is no easy way out.
You need to pay your dues.
Time to get to it.
Well enough of that.
And here I am, trying to adhere to my new personal routine,
which includes a new blog post every morning before I begin doing actual work.
A sort of warm-up, if you will.
To set the mood for the day.
The plan is to spend an hour, from 8.30am to 9.30am doing this.
It is now 10am. Bah hahahahah.
Yea, I'm writing a blog post DURING OFFICE HOURS.
I'm so badass.
Every weekday I wake up and think to myself
"I really do not want to come into work today".
Every. Damn. Day.
It's not quite a lie to say that I like my job.
I do. The sales bit.
When I get to interact with customers,
and when I get to see
the more experienced Business Development guys in action and learn from them,
that's when I really enjoy my job.
But when there is no clear direction,
a lack of technical support and resources (I mean come on, STILL no fucking CRM?? COME ON),
it makes me want to quit. On the spot.
Would've done it ages ago, if only it weren't for this tiny, miniscule requirement that I tend to have from time to to time...
MONEY.
Ah well.
I'm downloading Game Maker at the moment,
hoping to get a bit of practice in each morning.
I used to think all you need is a great product to sell (like a great mobile game)...
and put in the minimum amount of effort to get that product out,
to be successful.
It's way overdue,
but I've come to realize that to wish for something like that,
would be to wish for a goddamn Arnold Schwarzengger physique
by working out 5 mins once a week and downing a protein shake right after.
Doesn't work like that.
You need to put in the effort.
Gonna be a pain in the ass,
and yea, yea... it's common sense too.
I feel like going back in time and smacking my self.
I was just a lazy asshole.
There is no easy way out.
You need to pay your dues.
Time to get to it.
Well enough of that.
Saturday, June 1, 2013
Back to the Future
Or in this case, the past.
Or maybe we never really left that past.
Maybe we've been stuck in the same goddamn place for years and years,
with only our perception having been changed without our realizing it.
Or worse,
maybe we've actually regressed.
I know I have. My English is so bad,
that after only a few sentences,
I'm wondering if I've made any grammatical errors.
This is what happens when you quit sharpening your skills.
AND when you're surrounded by Singaporeans almost on a daily basis.
The latter is probably more damaging.
But I digress.
So MDA has decided that Hey! Online news sites should be thoroughly controlled by the government as well!
And what constitutes 'news'?
WHATEVER THE FUCK THEY SAY IT DOES.
I mean, check this out:
"A “Singapore news programme” is any programme (whether or not the programme is presenter-based and whether or not the programme is provided by a third party) containing any news, intelligence, report of occurrence, or any matter of public interest, about any social, economic, political, cultural, artistic, sporting, scientific or any other aspect of Singapore in any language (whether paid or free and whether at regular interval or otherwise) but does not include any programme produced by or on behalf of the Government. "
Oh but hey, hey... no, no... you guys don't need to worry.
We're only looking at sites that publish articles more than once a week,
and get more than 50K views a month...
So don't worry, ok?
Yea, but that's not exactly what the new regulation says and-
SHUT THE FUCK UP OR WE WILL FUCK YOUR LIFE UP FOR YOU!
... but please, don't worry ok?
Great.
This is all just for the good of Singapore.
Yep.
We never really had freedom of speech to begin with.
Even before this new regulation came into effect
(which took all of what, 5, 6 days?
Who has the time to debate this shit in parliament, right?
Fuck that. Just implement it! Nobody really gives a shit),
the government already had the power to take down websites,
haul people to court for stuff they find to be... well, not nice.
For example, 'PAP no good!'
Oh shit you better start running motherfucker
because 5 mins later the entire SPF is going to be coming after your candy ass.
This begs the question.
If they already had that power,
why the need for this new regulation?
I could probably come up with the answer by digging just a little bit deeper.
But in the end, it won't make a difference.
Maybe the original law governing online 'news' sites wasn't enough to shut them down,
whenever the government feels like it.
Or maybe it didn't address the user comments (most of which are about how the PAP is full of shit),
I don't know.
It doesn't matter now.
The law has come into effect.
And in a few weeks (or less), most of the citizens would've forgotten about it.
They'll start railing against foreigners again (easy target),
or go off on minor things like how the bus stops around Singapore are not pretty enough or something like that.
They go for the easy targets.
Always.
One of the side-effects of our glorious education system: Compliance.
The sheep may get upset once in a while.
But in the end they always fall into line.
There will be no more protests. Not of the kind that matters, anyway.
Things won't change.
I need to get my act together. And fast.
The grass is always greener on the other side,
but over here on this side,
it's already brown and dry from being constantly stomped upon.
Fuck this shit.
Well enough of that.
Or maybe we never really left that past.
Maybe we've been stuck in the same goddamn place for years and years,
with only our perception having been changed without our realizing it.
Or worse,
maybe we've actually regressed.
I know I have. My English is so bad,
that after only a few sentences,
I'm wondering if I've made any grammatical errors.
This is what happens when you quit sharpening your skills.
AND when you're surrounded by Singaporeans almost on a daily basis.
The latter is probably more damaging.
But I digress.
So MDA has decided that Hey! Online news sites should be thoroughly controlled by the government as well!
And what constitutes 'news'?
WHATEVER THE FUCK THEY SAY IT DOES.
I mean, check this out:
"A “Singapore news programme” is any programme (whether or not the programme is presenter-based and whether or not the programme is provided by a third party) containing any news, intelligence, report of occurrence, or any matter of public interest, about any social, economic, political, cultural, artistic, sporting, scientific or any other aspect of Singapore in any language (whether paid or free and whether at regular interval or otherwise) but does not include any programme produced by or on behalf of the Government. "
Oh but hey, hey... no, no... you guys don't need to worry.
We're only looking at sites that publish articles more than once a week,
and get more than 50K views a month...
So don't worry, ok?
Yea, but that's not exactly what the new regulation says and-
SHUT THE FUCK UP OR WE WILL FUCK YOUR LIFE UP FOR YOU!
... but please, don't worry ok?
Great.
This is all just for the good of Singapore.
Yep.
We never really had freedom of speech to begin with.
Even before this new regulation came into effect
(which took all of what, 5, 6 days?
Who has the time to debate this shit in parliament, right?
Fuck that. Just implement it! Nobody really gives a shit),
the government already had the power to take down websites,
haul people to court for stuff they find to be... well, not nice.
For example, 'PAP no good!'
Oh shit you better start running motherfucker
because 5 mins later the entire SPF is going to be coming after your candy ass.
This begs the question.
If they already had that power,
why the need for this new regulation?
I could probably come up with the answer by digging just a little bit deeper.
But in the end, it won't make a difference.
Maybe the original law governing online 'news' sites wasn't enough to shut them down,
whenever the government feels like it.
Or maybe it didn't address the user comments (most of which are about how the PAP is full of shit),
I don't know.
It doesn't matter now.
The law has come into effect.
And in a few weeks (or less), most of the citizens would've forgotten about it.
They'll start railing against foreigners again (easy target),
or go off on minor things like how the bus stops around Singapore are not pretty enough or something like that.
They go for the easy targets.
Always.
One of the side-effects of our glorious education system: Compliance.
The sheep may get upset once in a while.
But in the end they always fall into line.
There will be no more protests. Not of the kind that matters, anyway.
Things won't change.
I need to get my act together. And fast.
The grass is always greener on the other side,
but over here on this side,
it's already brown and dry from being constantly stomped upon.
Fuck this shit.
Well enough of that.
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