Lipfucksmackcunty

 It's Monday.
One lipfucksmackcunty hell of a Monday.

Yep.
Lipfucksmackcunty.
I should copyright that.

Anyway,
found out today that my Team Lead is
going to be moving into a fully operational capacity.
Meaning she'll be looking after the data.
Period.

This, is GOOD fucking news.
Idiot can't sell water to a dehydrated millionaire.

And then.
THEN I find out who's gonna be our new Sales Team Lead.
The one who's gonna 'coach us'.
And then 'test' and fucking GRADE us.

Patrick.
The White guy who was transferred to another struggling team...
filled with Japanese people.

Now I don't give a shit what your race or nationality is.

But man oh man.
White American with (wait for it) AMERICAN ACCENT!!!
OH MY GOD.
LET US SUCK HIS COCK AND WORSHIP THE GROUND HE WALKS ON.
HE HAS AN ACCENT.
THEREFORE EVERYTHING HE SAYS MUST BE CORRECT.

He got promoted twice over me to Team Lead,
while I had to fucking deal with
my existing Lead trying to screw me over (can't use fuck all the damn time).

So now, I'm an Account Rep; 2 steps below him.
AND soon I'll have to fucking REPORT to him?
ARE YOU SHITTING ME??

Now look.
If you get the job based on merit.
Then fuck yes I will respect you.

Here's the thing.
When we were in the same team,
I outperformed him.

And now he's gonna GRADE ME??


What the hell is this?
Just because the stupid local Account Manager (OK he's Malaysian, same fucken thing)(shut up),
sucks his cock, does NOT make him better than me.

And to top it off,
the members of my team,
all female Asians...
will pick up where they left off with him i.e. suck his cock.

Now it's a goddamn stereotype, I know.

But with these stupid bitches, it's a fact.


I've already got an interview lined up tomorrow,
not to mention a long-term goal of getting that gig in Australia.

There are options.
Once Dec the 25th hits, I'll probably take one of them.




Oh, and there's the matter of this
super-cute blonde chick.
She's not the largest eyes...
and the most amazing smile I'd seen in a long, long time.

For a brief moment,
I thought hey,
if something happens,
I might just stay because of her.

And then I slapped my face.
And kicked myself in the nuts.

Nothing's ever gonna happen.
Nothing ever does.

I'll try.
But yea... nothing ever changes.
And when I crash and burn,
I'll probably be happy to leave.

Well enough of that.

The Arena

Saturday morning,
and I'm up before 6.

Been up for what seemed like
4-5 hours...
but it's only 8.

Haven't seen the morning sun in a long time.
Not really, anyway.

Rushing to the office
and watching the sky brighten in between
reading e-mails and making calls
isn't exactly what I'd call 'appreciating nature'.

So this is the morning after the annual 'Dinner and Dance'.
Held at a club.
Was like being in a club.

I fucking hate clubs.

But last night was different.
It was breathtakingly depressing.

Hell, apart from suicide,
I kept thinking of stabbing myself.
In the face, especially.

I gotta be honest.

I am a little selfish.
A part of me WANTS to be accepted.

Yeah, I WANT them to like me.
I WANT to fit in,
be one of them.
I WANT to be invited to parties.

I want all that.
Even on the cusp of turning 30.
I want it.

And I tried.
I really fucking tried, too.

Problem with that is,
I don't drink.
I don't dance.
OK I CAN'T dance.

When people hear music,
hear a beat,
they get the urge to tap their feet at least.

Not me.
Nothing.
Nada.
Zip.

Maybe I'm damaged somehow.

And I'm ugly.
Not being self-deprecating.
I don't have a problem with it.
Others do, however.

Anybody who's wanting in the looks department,
and expects to be treated equally in a club,
can also expect to win a million bucks and
grow wings so he fly with pigs.

Shit will NEVER happen.

And yeah,
I'm talking about the women.

The guy were fine.
OK not really.

Most of them were fucking annoying.
Mainly because the women were there.

Now don't get me wrong,
some of the ladies were all right.

They were nice.
Friendly.
I'm not expecting to get laid.
Just smile and say Hi or something, you cunts.
After all, I gotta see your faces in the office on Monday.

But the majority.
Ah yes.

I was pretty much ignored for most of the night.
Fuck, even Natalie who decided to park her boney ass
opposite my seat,
didn't say a single word to me.

I hate this.
Collective rejection.

You feel like you're not good enough
to even have a conversation with.

And I tried.

That's the rub.
Why the fuck did I try.

You fucking moron.
You will NEVER be accepted.
Are you shitting me?
You're 30.
Give it up.

Yeah...
I need to make a choice.

Keep trying,
or just run at light speed in the other direction.

All I want.
All I fucking want,
is to finally be able to date someone that I'm really into.

Hasn't happened in more than a decade.

I don't want sex.
I don't want to drink.

It's like just doing anything without alcohol
would kill a girl of boredom.

ALL I want,
is someone I can call at the end of day,
and have dinner with.
Maybe watch a movie.
Relax.

Fucking lame, I know.

But that is what I want.
And I need to change that.

In fact, you know what?
Fuck it.

I'll re-instate one of the rules I set for myself in the past.

If you're above 25,
you're past your sell-by date.

Used up.

And fuck you if you find it offensive.
Fuck you.
And fuck off.

You had your fun,
and now what, you wanna slow down, huh?

Yeah,
I expect the only chicks I'll get,
are the ones who let themselves go...
and the ones men don't give a second look.

Fuck them (not literally, you goddamn pervert).


Ahh... that was a good rant.

I'm done trying to fit in.
The only friend I can rely on...
is my words.

Even if Blogger gets taken down.
My words will come back.
And I'll start all over.

And I'll be fine.

People are not worth it.
Fuck them.

And fuck you, too.


Well enough of that.

Yep

My life fucking blows.
Say whatever the hell you want,
but when you keep getting rejected by various people...
after trying a variety of methods...
for more than 15 years,
It KINDA gets on your nerves a little bit.
Gets you down.

The only one left out.
Everybody gets their little prize...
and all you get is sympathetic looks and words.

A gift for someone who's leaving the office today.
Hey come on,
I'm not expecting a fucking song and dance.

But holy shit,
she took pictures with the ones who were there while
I just stood around like a fucking dumbass.
Even a handshake, goddamit.
Is that too much to ask?

Fuck people.
Maybe it's just Singapore. Or Asians.
Now I'm just rambling.

Once the offer becomes official...
I'm taking it.
You can bet your ass I'm taking it.

Well enough of that

Which Page Are We On, Now?

Sunday, and I feel weird.
Unpleasant.
Not sure if I'm about to fall sick,
or getting better.

So yeah,
it's official.
My Team Leader is trying to get rid of me.
Or at least fuck my career up.
Same thing, the way I see it.

Why can't I just work in place
and not have to deal with all this political bullshit?

Could be the colour of my skin.
I'm considered 'Malay', and she's a Chinese from Malaysia,
working in Singapore.

In fact,
all but one of my team members are Malaysian.

Maybe she just wants to push Malaysians,
especially my Chinese Malaysian teammate instead of me.

Well that's one theory.
Maybe she just hates my guts for some other reason.

I don't give a shit.
I can deal with the little things;
being excluded from unofficial group meetings,
snide remarks, etc.

But when you send a nasty e-mail to my (our) boss,
calling me 'lazy' and 'rude'...
When you do it just before my review date,
you pretty much announce your intentions.

I'm done. Fuck it.

I tried talking with my boss,
but he's a pretty busy dude,
and just brushed it off.

Well it bothers me a lot
that he doesn't see a pattern.

A gradual build-up.

One bad review is all you need to fuck your progression up
in the company for years.

So yeah,
I'm done with this shit.

There's an opening in Australia,
for a gig with more responsibilities.
Oh yeah,
and it would pay at least double what I'm making now.

I've got a pretty good shot at landing it.

It would be a huge move, of course.
That is, IF I got the offer.
My first ever flight was to Macau a few weeks ago for the weekend.

So many things to consider.
Probably will stick out like a sore thumb (really? who the fuck notices an actual sore thumb anyway?).

I don't drink,
I don't smoke.
The way I dance makes a jumping rabid chicken on crack look graceful.

Then I got to thinking about what I'd be leaving behind.
Not really too close with my family.

No close friends.
I hang out night after night at home.
Rarely get invited to events.

Shit, I sound fucking emo.
Goddammit, I AM emo.
Fuck Singapore. Fuck Singaporeans.

Yep.
I won't be leaving much behind,
just an empty room.
Plus, maybe the change of scenery would do me good.
Or drive me batshit crazy.
Either one's fine with me.

Getting ahead of myself right now.
If anything's gonna happen,
it'll only take place a month or two from now.

Another week tomorrow.
But I'm seeing things differently now.

Well enough of that

The Tide

It's been more than a year.
For a brief period, I thought yea, this is it. I'll be here for a while, I think.

BUt it's starting again.
No matter what I do, people turn against me.
Now I gotta admit,
most of them weren't exactly crazy about me before.

The ones who DID think I deserved a fair shake.
They worry me now.

It always starts the same way.
No matter what I do,
try to keep a low profile, get out of the way,
it still comes.

The tide comes in, and there's nothing you can do about it.

OK, OK... no more fucking cliched metaphors.


I am depressed.
Can't get myself to work out.

This month has been a wash.
When in the past,
I had so much energy.

Hell, I enjoyed the fasting month...
gave me an excuse to work out
without having to eat 2 hours before.

What in the hell is going on?
I wish I knew.

Maybe it's just me.
Maybe I'm just a fucking dumbass.

Well enough of that.

Addendum

Just another Saturday.

About an hour before my mom goes on a mini-pilgrimage to Mecca ('Umrah'),
and I'm sitting in my chair,
sweating off half my body weight.

Nah I'm not nervous.
She'll be fine.
12 days, and she'll be back.

I'm just...
out of shape.
Damn.
Just a bit of moving around can get my shirt soaked.

So anyway,
I'm forcing myself to write something every week.
Forcing myself to think of words,
to form sentences.

Been a while since I've made any comics.
Too long.
Screw it.
Time to get back into it.

So many dumbasses in this crap country,
their antics must be recorded.

For example,
someone had written to the Straits Times
about xenophobia.

A picture of 2 dark-skinned men sitting in a train
was posted on a website.
Temasek Review, I think it was called.

Following a deluge of racist comments,
the picture was immediately taken down.

That made the author concerned, and rightly so.

But the reply.
Oh my GOD the fucking stupid reply.

A Chinese-Singaporean 'Doctor' had decided to share some of his wisdom with the rest of us.

Oh yes.
How did he say that racism in Singapore isn't a big deal?
By giving examples of how some members of minority races have jobs.

I shit you not.
THAT was his fucking brilliant reply.

HOLY SHIT.
An Indian has a job!
PROVES WE'RE NOT RACISTS!

Really?
Are you fucking kidding me?

I'm not gonna get into how racism is alive and well in this tiny shit-island.
You can view some of my older posts, or hell, just do a Google search.

But I will address his incredibly stupid response.

Hey, genius...
Some Blacks had jobs in the 60's and 70's in the US.
I guess racism wasn't a big deal then, was it?

What?
That's the US?
This is Singapore? So that makes it different?

I got an answer for that, too.
If I stick a spiky flaming dildo up your ass,
it's gonna hurt just as much if I did it to you in the US.

Get it now?


And he's supposed to be one of the 'Educated'.


There's so much more I'd like to write,
but eh,
I got shit to do.

Maybe later.
Maybe not.
Fuck you.


Well enough of that

Not Quite Safe Yet

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Half-way Through and Getting Nowhere

Where the fuck am I now?

I'm earning much, much more than what I wanted.
But it feels like I get no recognition.

Great.
Now I'm even more pissed because
I sound like a whiny little bitch.

Alright, alright I'll admit a couple of things.

Being rejected by that Korean bitch,
kinda stung.

She had initially accepted my coffee invite,
but changed her mind when she realized
that 'Faizal' wasn't the White guy on my team.

And then to have HIM win
'Employee of the Month',
kinda validates her opinion about
how much more superior the White guy is.

Yeah, yeah I know... I know...
It's just how I feel.

Also,
the reason they picked him,
was because "he worked on 2 teams!"

He fucking did not.
I got stuck with his shit.

He did fuck-all near the end of the quarter
when he was transferred.

Despite my repeated requests,
I wasn't given his opportunities
until less than a week before the quarter-end.

I was doing his stuff and mine,
and did the best I could.

So what happened?
His work appeared to have been
neglected,
and I got stuck with the blame,
while he gets the prize.

FUCK.
Now it's like
I want to be
'Employee of the Month'.


I fucking don't.
But to lose to someone like THAT.
Fucking hell.

It also makes it worse
because 2 members on my team
tried to get me fired.

Seems that way to me.
A part of me wants to give them
the benefit of the doubt.

But when you go straight to the boss
to cover your ass,
and place the blame on me,
you're asking for spiky dildoes up the ass.

All this,
while it's painfully obvious
that quite a number of ugly bitches
that quite a number of guys want to fuck
treat me like crap.

I try to be nice to everyone!
Well tried.

Man, just because
I say 'Hi' or 'Good morning!'
does NOT mean I want to brutally rape you.

I wouldn't do that to my penis.
Hell, I wouldn't do that to a 10-foot Herpes Pole.

Sometimes I wish the law
didn't exist,
so I could beat the shit out of them.

But eh,
we can't have everything.

Well enough of that.

Fuck all of you.

Under

Was up for hours coughing,
until I relented and took some cough syrup.
May have taken a little too much.

Now it's 11am,
and I'm still fucking drowsy.
I've heard of people being addicted to this shit.

What EXACTLY are they addicted to?
Feeling like crap?
It's like I just came a dozen times and am exhausted.
Except a) there's no naked chick next to me and b) I didn't come at all.

That's what taking cough syrup's like.
Puts you in the spot where you feel embarrassed,
humiliated,
exhausted.
Now why the fuck would anyone be addicted to THIS?

Dumbasses.

Well enough of that.

Punch to The Face

I'm rusty.

Been rusty for a while, now.
No longer quick on the draw. Not that I ever used to be THAT quick.
But still.

I struggle now, on a regular basis, to form complete sentences.
Even when I would like to reply
and know which tone I'd like to use,
the words linger behind,
just out of reach.

That asshole mocked me again in the office.
In the past, I would've been able to hit back.
Hard.

But in this condition,
man...
I'm practically a sitting duck.

I could just throw punches,
break a couple of bones.
Meh.
Temporary fix.

My mind's fucking cluttered.
All kinds of thoughts. Guilt.
Hell, I even feel guilty for not feeling ENOUGH guilt.
How much is enough, anyway?
Fucking dumbass.

Keep telling myself the next day or two will be the day I start my new routine.
Change will come.
How long has it been, now? 2 months? 4?
Goddammit.

Things will change tomorrow.
I'm sure of it.


Fuck you.

Well enough of that.

Little Pain

Are you fucking kidding me?
I know I've got bigger problems.

In fact,
I've got one hell of a deadline.

But STILL some stupid whore who looks like a crack addict
manages to piss me off enough to post about it.

This stupid bitch actually thinks I'm into her.
Oh yea,
because EVERYONE knows that
by offering you cheesecake,
I'm asking for your hand in marriage,
and for you to bear my children.
EVERYONE knows that!

Mann...
you try to be nice,
and you get 'rejected' by a goddamn imbecile.

And just a couple of hours ago,
I was talking with my friend,
while sitting on a chair
that I thought belonged to another guy.

It was hers.
So as I was wheeling it over to his desk,
she grabbed it,
said 'Thanks" in a way that makes you feel like a piece of shit,
and didn't even bother turning her monkey's ass of a face to hear my explanation.

Goddamn ugly, stupid piece of crap.
I wouldn't fuck you with an AIDS pole.
AIDS deserves better than you.

Quick Stop

Coming to the end of my week-long break,
and I've realized nothing's changed.
Yep, that's definitely a very BAD thing.

I  have less than a year now.
29 fucking years old.
And what do I have to show for it?
Fuck-all.

Hell, I haven't even drawn any comics.
Oh but the thoughts in my head keep flowing.
Man I really should carry a notebook with me everywhere I go.

There have been a few very minor changes, though.
I realized that although my arms are muscular (shut up),
over the past couple of months,
I've transformed into a chubby piece of shit.
So cycling has once again become a part of my life.

If only it wouldn't rain every goddamn day.

I tried asking a chick out from work.
BIG mistake, I know, I know...

I figured since she isn't Singaporean,
it wouldn't be so bad.
Figured wrong.

See the thing with women,
is that for some fucked up reason,
they have an intense dislike for yours truly.

Imagine decades ago when it was OK for
White people to openly hate Blacks.
So if a Black guy had the nerve to ask a White girl out,
it would be perfectly acceptable to report and punish him,
for not knowing his place.

Fast-forward to the present.
Some Singaporean women can and WILL report
a Bangladeshi man for committing the horrible crime
of asking for her number.
Oh the poor fucking bitches!

Now I'm just a step above that.
While a chink won't report me to law enforcement (and can't anyway since it is NOT A FUCKING CRIME),
anybody willing to listen (especially my superiors)
gets a copy of the report of my audacity in asking for a number,
or a date.

And what normally follows
is a little chat in which
I'm made out to be some pervert
that constantly harasses women.

What's that?
Maybe I went about it wrongly?
Normally I'd tell you to go fuck yourself,
but I gotta admit it,
if I were in your position,
I might be thinking the same thing.


How do I normally go about it?
Once I'm familiar with the girl,
I'd ask her out.

Like this:

Me: "Hey, you wanna go out sometime?"
Her: "Sure."

*runs to her colleagues and bosses 5 mins later*

Her: "OMG HELP UGLY MAN WANT RAPE ME! ME PURE! ME ONLY FOR WHITE MAN!"

The others "OMG! We must talk to him! MAKE HIM REALIZE HE IS A PERVERT!"

So the next day:

Me: "So how about this Friday?"
Her: Silence
Me: "Hey um, I'm sorry did you hear me?"
Her : Silence
Me: "You OK?"
Her :Silence

*I walk away confused*

5 mins later:

The others: "HEY YOU PERVERT WHY WANT TO RAPE PURE GIRL??
                  "DON'T TALK TO PURE GIRL! RAPIST!"


Yeah, something like that.

Fuck this island and the people on it.