Sydney Hostage Crisis

It was around mid-afternoon when it appeared in my Facebook feed:

An armed group had taken people hostage in a Sydney cafe.

Reminds me of when I first heard about 9-11,

when I was working out in a gym.

This is not a disclaimer.

I truly hope those held hostage are released and get to go home to their families.

So many emotions running through me right now.

Unlike when I first heard about 9-11,

I had no idea what the repercussions were going to be for innocent Muslims.

Now I do.

Man, I'm so skeptical that I wouldn't be surprised if decades later

we found out that it was a false flag operation.

I mean, how convenient for the current Australian government, eh?

Month after month of drumming up fear and hatred of 'those scary Muslims' 

to justify expansive, more invasive laws for 'security'.

And suddenly this happen?

I mean, what is the upside for the hostage-takers, really?

The rabid bigots will foam at the mouth screaming that all they care about is 

sowing 'terror'.

Right.

But for the Aussie government, hoo boy!

Just what they needed, man.

Who's going to stop them from passing the laws now?

And the bigots who were apprehensive about revealing their true nature

can now bask in self-righteousness in condemning 

an entire group of people,

most of whom just want to go to a cafe,

eat at a restaurant,

send their kids to school...

I've already come across so many comments

talking about 'Savage Muslims' against the 'Civilized West'.

Never mind the fact that Muslims in the West are part of their so-called 'Civilized West'.

Never mind the fact that so-called Western countries have been waging incredibly destructive wars

in predominantly Muslim countries decade after decade after decade.

Your cafe is being attacked?

They get attacked in their homes. Captured and tortured while on the way to buy bread.

War is being waged upon them.

Are people really so fucking dense to think that the war will remain firmly within the victims' borders?

I'm tired of formulating logical arguments against these motherfucking bigots.

These are the ones who are willfully blind.

They need to see 'the others' as different from who they are.

The lies they tell themselves as they chant repeatedly in their thick skulls "We are good, we are good!"

No. You're fucking evil.

This incident just drives home the point for me:

Get enough money to retire somewhere quiet, out of the way.

My little girl does not need to hear cowardly grown men shouting at her

for being what she is: A Muslim.

We will live in the countryside, 

on a farm with maybe a few goats or sheep. A few chickens maybe. Ponies too, maybe.

Yea that would be nice.

Precautions

I see the signs.
Some of which are so obvious,
that it's like they're screaming out at me.

The ones that men say they saw early on but ignored.
Or the ones that they tried to counter, but failed.
The men who have gone through the pain of divorce,
of losing their kids.

Some were lucky.
Got out without kids.
Not because they wouldn't have loved them,
but because they don't have to experience
the incredible sorrow that can only
come when kids are used as tools to hurt you.

Some weren't lucky. Aren't lucky.
Some realized too late.
And some stayed on,
wallowing in misery... for the kids.
Won't that misery affect the kids too?
I don't know.
They thought it was best at the time.
And besides,
if you're a guy in Singapore
or any other country in the 'West' (meh, probably anywhere in the world),
the chances of getting custody of your kids,
are slim.

Joint custody, sure.
Maybe twice a month.
Maybe.
And even then,
if she restricts your access,
too fucking bad.
Keeping paying child support and maintenance (Singapore).
Whether you get to see your kids or not is a different story.

So yeah.
The signs.

She wanted a child,
even though we'd agreed to wait until we after we'd got an apartment.
I mean, I knew what could happen of course.
Unprotected sex.
Sure.

But it just hit me.
After she knew she was pregnant,
we haven't had any sex.
None.
We almost tried once.
Didn't work out.

It's just oral sex.
And I could sense the reluctance.
Faint, but still there.

This is just the latest sign.
There are many others,
but for the life of me my mind has just went blank.
Maybe it's the fatigue.

Or maybe I'm just paranoid.
I remembered them just a few moments ago,
on the way back from the store.

Or maybe the (probably inevitable) scenario
of hot having any kind of sex for years,
while staying for our kid
has thrown me off course.

No. I will not.
I will not be miserable.

Maybe she's doing it without realizing it.
Maybe she does know exactly what she's doing.

Doesn't matter.
I will not be trapped in a miserable marriage.
I will not.

Doesn't mean I have to start getting out,
trying to get with other women.
Doesn't mean I need to start treating her like crap,
being rude or distant.
No.

It just means I need to be aware and take precautions.
Keep fit.
Become attractive.
Re-learn those skills, and sharpen them from time to time.

Be in a position where,
IF it does happen,
I'll be in a decent enough position to weather the storm.

Maybe I'm paranoid,
and reading too much into nothing.

But the signs are there.
Maybe the storm will change course and avoid us.

But it's always better to be prepared.

The first thing to focus on is to get fit.
Get that physique I want. I need.

Well enough of that.

On the Precipice

Man, I really need to reduce these gaps between posts.
It's been a while, and as is usually the case,
things are not quite peachy.

I originally wanted to post about racism in Singapore.
Specifically, Chinese racism towards minorities.
Once again, as I face the spectre of unemployment,
the lack of interview offers has reminded me of just how bad it still can get
here in this shit country.

When a Chinese ex-colleague who is less-qualified
and less experienced is able to jump back and forth between jobs,
and has no problems getting interviews for superior jobs,
then you know something is still the fuck up.

I'm officially a director now. And I can't even get a motherfucking interview.

Yeah, maybe it's not about race each and every time.
But think about it this way: If you happen to be Chinese,
you don't need to worry about it.

If you didn't get the job, it's likely someone more suitable for the role did.
Unless that person happens to be White,
which is a whole other story.

And if you happen to be a Chinese Singaporean who is upset about losing out
to a lesser-experienced White person,
then to you I say this:

HOW DOES IT FEEL, BITCH?

Now I do understand that this will just appear
to you as more whining,
and I agree with you.
Completely.

Now go fuck yourself with a flaming chainsaw.

There's so much more I'd like to write,
but the office is not exactly the most conducive of places.

And my mind feels... blank.

Well enough of that.

Fucking Arrogant Religious Teachers

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What. The.

Sunday morning,
and my eyelids are still heavy.

Once again,
after reading and hearing about Islamphobic,
or bigoted comments,
I find myself struggling to find the words to form a coherent argument
to rebut those dumbass, ignorant cocksuckers (those last three words didn't take much thought, though).

For example.
it just popped into my mind Lee Kuan Yew's bullshit argument
about how because Malays (the indigenous minority) and Muslims (most of whom are Malays)
slowed down Singapore's economic progress due to their... increased religiosity.

Never mind the fact that he produced zero factual evidence.
Oh I'm sure he has a few anecdotes for which we have to take his word for,
or strawman arguments to support his bullshit case.

Never mind that.
And let's assume that it is true how Muslims in Singapore became more religious (again, no proof).

Since he placed himself and his family's ass firmly
in the leadership position (how he did it is a whole other long, disturbing story),
shouldn't he be taking responsibility for not adapting the demographic changes?

Man, he and his family and cronies just love (LOVE!) to
go on and on and on about how they brought Singapore progress and prosperity.
You know, as if ordinary Singaporeans had so little to do with it,
being simple-minded and all.

Oh, and worry not! They also rewarded themselves based on
how much they feel their contribution is worth (Lee Kuan Yew is a billionaire).

So yeah,
he loves taking the credit for Singapore's success (if you can call it that).

But when problems arise?
Oh it's always this group's fault, or that one's.
It's never theirs.

I'd probably get more and more pissed off
the more I think about it.

So instead,
I'll focus on the Pram Site business plan.

Well enough of that

Disintegration

Yeah, yeah, just a little exaggeration.
A little too dramatic.

I was thinking of a milder word to use,
when it hit me: Holy shit I can't!

Maybe it's the fatigue.
But not writing for about a month or so probably has something to do with it too.

My wife's out of the hospital,
and both baby and mother are safe.
Man, that's a relief.
I didn't show it, but when I found out the tummy aches
were contractions (at only 6 months),
it genuinely scared me.

It's the 25th of Sep,
and this is the first time I've resumed writing a post
I accidentally left unfinished.

Hell, it's the first time I've ever left a post unfinished.

So I missed all but one session yesterday.
And this morning I missed the first one.

Laziness. And a bit of was-was.
Today will be different. It has to be.
I've seen the alternative path,
gone through it.

Things have to change.

There's so many things I want to write about.
The Start-Up Challenge, my business ideas,
arguments against ignorant, misleading Islamophobic statements and articles,
the continuation of my action hero story...

But dear GOD am I tired.
Even now I can feel myself struggling to find the words.

One thing's for sure.
Nothing changes until I make the move.
Tired as I am, mentally and physically,
unless I dig myself out of this hole,
no one else is going to do it for me.

And now that I've got others depending upon me
to be the stable one,
the rock,
I've got the kind of motivation I've never had before.
I hope I don't feel it right this moment due to the fatigue.
But things will have to change.

Instead of suicide,
my target has changed (unexpectedly, I know)(shut the fuck up).

Now, it's retirement. At 40.
Go all out. Burn out the engine. Wear the tyres down to the spokes, and let the sparks fly.

And when it's all over, I'll check out.
Live in the countryside,
and be at peace with my wife and child.

My child,
who will be protected from all the hatred directed towards Muslims.
Growing up, she shall not have to ask me why her classmates' parents hate her.
Why she is supposed a horrible person.

No. She will not.
This is a promise.

Well enough of that

Countdown

Just getting to this page was a struggle, man.
The reluctance (laziness?) was almost overwhelming,
the slightest delay magnifying the urge to just forget about it and head to bed.

But it's important that I write.
Critical, in fact.

I must use the tools available to me,
to keep them sharp.
Hell, I don't even know if they're all that sharp anymore,
or if they ever were.

Am I still able to form coherent, logical arguments?
Can I still recognize those trying to manipulate me through words?
I think so. I hope so. Though I can feel it slipping through my fingers,
like a bag filled with heavy stones.

I'll have to keep it short,
being sleepy and all.
The fact that I'm sleepy during the day most of the time does not bode well for next week,
when I start my new job.

So I'll talk about this: Gaza.

Here's the thing. There's so much information out there about who is responsible for what,
and the patterns of behaviour throughout the decades of occupation.

But I want to talk about the innocent civilians who have been massacred,
and continue to be targeted still by the fucking Zionists.

Whenever those civilians - especially children - are brought up,
it riles me whenever someone attempts to deflect the attention.
Fucking pisses me off.

When someone brings attention to such a tragedy,
and your first response is 'Yeah, but look over there at what OTHER people are doing!',
then you are severely lacking that bit called 'humanity',
and I have zero respect for you.

You are scum. One of the lowest of the low.

Not only do you disregard the loss of innocent lives,
you're trying to get others to do the same.

And that is something I will not let abide.
Be rest assured there are those who will oppose you
and the ones you support.

You can be rest assured of that, motherfucker.

Well enough of that