What the fuck is going on?
This is the third time in a month where I've felt the need to post.
As much as I'd like to think otherwise (not really),
I make the laborious trek here only when I'm fucking furious.
When I'm about to break something. Or a few things.
Motherfucker.
So what miniscule thing set me off this time?
I'd wanted to visit my little nephew who lives,
literally,
around ten minutes away by car.
Actually closer, I think.
But yea, they live in the same damn avenue.
Now I don't normally do this,
and hell, I even typically sit out family gatherings or events.
But eh, they live nearby.
Saw a picture of the baby.
Figured we could at least ask.
So I checked with her the night before,
and she hesitated and explained that she was waiting for a food delivery.
All right cool.
No problem.
Next morning,
the delivery arrived earlier than expected.
The weather was perfect.
Yes!
We can check in with my brother and see if they're home and OK for us to visit!
Nope.
Turns out she just didn't want to.
I get that she only saw the my sister-in-law and the baby yesterday,
when they went to an aquarium with my daughter.
But what I fucking hate was how she misled me in the first place,
then flat out said "No" the next day,
basically implying that she'd be miserable if she went along.
And she didn't want to text my sister-in-law.
Me, I would've been fine with asking directly.
If they'd said it wasn't a good time,
then fine, man.
No big deal.
But this.
I know... I FUCKING KNOW...
I could've gone without her,
with my daughter.
But at the moment for some reason,
it just didn't cross my mind.
Felt like another situation where because she just didn't feel like it,
we had to abide by what she wanted.
And I don't know.
Just frustrated me.
I've been pissed the whole fucking day.
Didn't get much done.
Doesn't really help that the PS4 is loud. AGAIN.
After just four fucking months of getting it fixed for that exact reason.
That, and a bunch of other shit that's been happening, or... not happening.
Can't take leave due to a last-minute tender invite on motherfucking Christmas Eve.
Haven't been working out due to my elbow,
which causes my weight to still be over.
And due to that,
I'm too self-conscious to get the red shirt/shoes/watch that I'd been wanting to get for ages.
What else?
Oh yea.
Haven't even got round to making those comics that I'd wanted.
The designs.
My daily to-do list isn't even that ambitious.
But I'm so behind on many things.
Oh yeah,
and I can forget about ever getting a car.
Even if I do get one.
Today.
What's the fucking point?
I already feel like smashing that fictional thing in my mind.
What is the fucking point.
And yes.
I also see the absolute fucking irony of essentially losing my shit...
over such a minor thing.
All I wanted to do today was just visit my nephew.
And I'm not going to lie.
If it were her nephew, she would've jumped at it.
I even told her that hell,
if the situation were to be reversed in the future,
I'd say "FUCK NO".
Maybe. Maybe not.
I wouldn't do it in front of the kid or anything.
That'd make me a full-blown asshole,
instead of... a half-blown asshole?
And you know what made it worse?
She later thought it was a good idea to go out somewhere.
I wasn't in the mood at all by that point.
And now that I think about it,
I hate that she suggested it out loud (hopefully my daughter didn't hear it).
In the end,
they left without me, as usual.
I'm glad at least that someone brought her out.
-Ah crap.
It's just started raining and I saw them running towards our building.
I've only got a few minutes if that,
to smile and pretend it's fine and joke around.
Here they come-
Maybe I'm tired of shit not going my way.
Even little things.
We did visit Sungei Buloh recently and that was my idea.
I keep looking at the stupid crocodile picture I took.
That was a good day, I think.
Things need to change.
But it's fucking hard to do it when you're perpetually pissed and exhausted.
Well enough of that.
