Three in a Fucking Month

What the fuck is going on?

This is the third time in a month where I've felt the need to post. 

As much as I'd like to think otherwise (not really),

I make the laborious trek here only when I'm fucking furious. 

When I'm about to break something. Or a few things. 

Motherfucker. 

So what miniscule thing set me off this time?

I'd wanted to visit my little nephew who lives,

literally,

around ten minutes away by car. 

Actually closer, I think.

But yea, they live in the same damn avenue.

Now I don't normally do this,

and hell, I even typically sit out family gatherings or events. 

But eh, they live nearby.

Saw a picture of the baby.

Figured we could at least ask. 

So I checked with her the night before,

and she hesitated and explained that she was waiting for a food delivery.

All right cool. 

No problem.

Next morning,

the delivery arrived earlier than expected. 

The weather was perfect.

Yes!

We can check in with my brother and see if they're home and OK for us to visit!

Nope.

Turns out she just didn't want to. 

I get that she only saw the my sister-in-law and the baby yesterday,

when they went to an aquarium with my daughter. 

But what I fucking hate was how she misled me in the first place,

then flat out said "No" the next day,

basically implying that she'd be miserable if she went along.

And she didn't want to text my sister-in-law.

Me, I would've been fine with asking directly.

If they'd said it wasn't a good time,

then fine, man.

No big deal. 

But this. 

I know... I FUCKING KNOW...

I could've gone without her,

with my daughter. 

But at the moment for some reason, 

it just didn't cross my mind.

Felt like another situation where because she just didn't feel like it,

we had to abide by what she wanted. 

And I don't know.

Just frustrated me. 

I've been pissed the whole fucking day.

Didn't get much done. 

Doesn't really help that the PS4 is loud. AGAIN.

After just four fucking months of getting it fixed for that exact reason. 

That, and a bunch of other shit that's been happening, or... not happening.

Can't take leave due to a last-minute tender invite on motherfucking Christmas Eve. 

Haven't been working out due to my elbow,

which causes my weight to still be over.

And due to that,

I'm too self-conscious to get the red shirt/shoes/watch that I'd been wanting to get for ages.

What else?

Oh yea. 

Haven't even got round to making those comics that I'd wanted.

The designs. 

My daily to-do list isn't even that ambitious. 

But I'm so behind on many things. 

Oh yeah, 

and I can forget about ever getting a car. 

Even if I do get one.

Today.

What's the fucking point?

I already feel like smashing that fictional thing in my mind. 

What is the fucking point. 

And yes. 

I also see the absolute fucking irony of essentially losing my shit...

over such a minor thing. 

All I wanted to do today was just visit my nephew.

And I'm not going to lie.

If it were her nephew, she would've jumped at it. 

I even told her that hell,

if the situation were to be reversed in the future,

I'd say "FUCK NO".

Maybe. Maybe not. 

I wouldn't do it in front of the kid or anything. 

That'd make me a full-blown asshole,

instead of... a half-blown asshole?

And you know what made it worse?

She later thought it was a good idea to go out somewhere. 

I wasn't in the mood at all by that point.

And now that I think about it, 

I hate that she suggested it out loud (hopefully my daughter didn't hear it). 

In the end, 

they left without me, as usual. 

I'm glad at least that someone brought her out. 

-Ah crap.

It's just started raining and I saw them running towards our building. 

I've only got a few minutes if that, 

to smile and pretend it's fine and joke around.

Here they come-

Maybe I'm tired of shit not going my way.

Even little things.

We did visit Sungei Buloh recently and that was my idea. 

I keep looking at the stupid crocodile picture I took. 

That was a good day, I think.

Things need to change. 

But it's fucking hard to do it when you're perpetually pissed and exhausted. 

Well enough of that. 

Happened Again

I cannot believe it happened again. 

About the cross the road, 

I lead the way, and the fucking driver began inching forward as she and our daughter crossed.

Now first of all, fuck that driver.

I wish I could've dragged him out of that car.

A few possibilities ran through my head,

Yea fine, FINE...

the ideal (but not satisfying outcome) was indeed to just let it go. 

What the fuck was I gonna do at the time?

Kick his car?

That's probably a criminal charge.

Tell him to go fuck himself?

Might be a criminal charge (yes, in motherfucking Singapore,

where the rules are such that the peasants can't even curse at each other directly...

which can result in fucking assholes getting their way).

Although, telling him to fuck off... is probably a grey area.

Actually dragging that motherfucking cunt out of his car?

Definitely a charge.

And each one would have resulted in a likely permanent, horrible memory for my daughter. 

So I couldn't do much.

Probably should've told him to fuck off, though.

And if he'd got out of the car to fight?

Well, I could just walk away laughing. 

What the fuck was he gonna do?

But. 

That's what happened. 

There are asshole drivers. 

What really kills me is that it's the second time that she...

for some insane, inexplicable, unexplainable reason...

continued to walk slowly with my daughter,

even as the car inched forward.

WHY. 

She's done this so many goddamn times.

Sometimes I'm rushing across the road due to a possible risk,

and I'd see her just casually strolling. 

Not only does it make me look like an overeager jackass who left his wife behind...

but what IF something did happen. 

WHY, GODDAMMIT. 

And it's one thing to do it alone.

But with our daughter?

I've accepted that from now on if we're together and crossing the road,

I'll have to stop mid-way to ensure they get across first. 

This way I'll be able to hurry her up. 

When a car moves forward,

be prepared to run. 

Doesn't fucking matter if you have the right of way,

and especially not with our daughter in tow. 

I want to say I would've done the same thing,

but realistically,

like a goddamn idiot,

I probably would've stopped and stared at the driver. 

So this was a lesson for me, too. 

However, it doesn't excuse her dragging her feet whenever she crosses the road.

I do not get it.

She gets impatient over other shit.

But cross the road?

Where there's the possibility that she could get hit by a multi-ton vehicle?

EH, LET'S SLOW DOWN AND SMELL THE ROSES

And she wants to visit RUSSIA??

WHAT THE FUCK. 

She herself has expressed concern over the driving there.

You know what I'm most concerned about?

Her happily skipping in slow motion across a busy intersection in Volgograd in slow motion, 

whilst it's being criss-crossed by drunk drivers on New Year's Eve. 

Fucking hell. 

Gonna have to talk to her about this.

She won't be happy about it. 

At all.

Fuck. 

Well enough of that. 

Fucking Hell

Of all the things to happen and piss me the fuck off for two days, 

it had to be a motherfucking Merc driver who didn't want to stop at the traffic light...

whilst she froze like a goddamn deer in headlights, 

hand in held with the little one,

in the middle of the motherfucking street.

I mean yea, 

she was startled and it really, only took like maybe two seconds or so (before I told her to move it). 

The incident itself probably didn't really bother me that much, I think.

Fuck that skinny bitch of a man,

for trying to intimidate us into moving faster across the street.

Fuck the traffic light that took motherfucking ages to change.

Yea the light was red for cars,

but so was the sign for pedestrians.

Others moved across it,

and it was a very narrow street in any case.

And yea, 

we shouldn't have moved at the time,

but knowing the law and how cars always have to yield to pedestrians 

means fuck-all in situations like that. 

It's a combination of things.

The fucking driver.

Especially when he rolled his stupid window down,

revealing his (relatively) young, and yet Skeletor-like body. 

Her taking ages to move across the street,

and then freezing in the middle of it. 

And yea,

my mistake for getting them to cross the street with me

(this is where she waited and fucking waited before moving, so ended up trailing behind). 

Oh and one more thing.

Been spending way too much time on Reddit. 

Should've just flipped the bird

and told him to fuck off.

Instead I... argued with the skinny asshole. 

And even asked him to call the TP (traffic police). 

The fuck?

In hindsight it sounds so stupid. 

Never mind that the guy either looked confused,

or worried that the police might get involved. 

But either way,

it made us both look extra douchey and yea... 

not at all like two middle-aged, male Karens arguing.

PERFECT. 

-Come on, man. I can't even type in peace.

I could lock my door,

but that'd be look like an ass.

And on top of all this, 

we have to get ready for that stupid thing

near Suntec City -

Three more things then I'm done.

Don't like it?

Fuck off. 

So yea,

the idea that I almost lost my temper...

especially with my daughter there. 

At the age of 40 no less.

Makes me extremely disappointed with myself. 

And annoyed.

Very annoyed.

I'd say this time round, 

it was definitely better?

Like in the past,

I might have taken it further

but realised quickly that even if I were in the right

and called the police,

the effect it would have on my daughter 

would've graduated from bad

to core-memory horrible. 

And after walking away from that driver,

yea, 

I tried to rant a little bit. 

Couldn't help myself. 

So I told her that drivers ALWAYS have to give way to pedestrians. 

And... nothing. 

She didn't say a fucking thing.

No support, 

nothing. 

I'm not looking for a fucking medal, here. 

Even a simple "Yea fuck that idiot" would've been enough.

But in public,

she ignored me for that. 

I've defended her before.

Hell, I've done it so many times already. 

And yea,

she might have been annoyed too...

but nothing. 

It's not just that.

She does it with so many other things.

Like she could barely give a shit,

even with things I'm excited about. 

And again,

I FUCKING GET IT. 

It was wrong to act that way

(explained it to my daughter), 

but that bit where she ignored me?

Made me feel even worse. 

-INTERRUPTED AGAIN.

And yes, I should've closed the door.

Or said something. 

And you know what?

Fuck it. 

I'm also gonna add that

when I'm in the middle of texting (often for work),

or typing something,

she expects a response immediately. 

But when she's on the phone,

doing the exact same thing,

or reading an e-book,

she'll ignore you or get extremely annoyed

when you ask her for a response,

even if you needed one immediately-

Anyway, where was I.

Oh yes, ignoring me.

Fucking hell. 

Is this what's called "support"?

Made me feel worse,

from embarrassed to angry. 

Bit my lip and we continued on our way.

When it comes to her,

no way, man.

I'd HAVE to express support (and I'm happy to),

even if she's wrong,

I'd still provide emotional support. 

But when it comes to me?

Fuck no. 

FUCK NO. 

It's usually just "Oh forget it".

Could not give two shits about what I felt. 

My perspective.

Nope.

Like my motherfucking opinion doesn't matter. 

Just shut the fuck up already. 

But remember!

When it's MY thing,

please ensure you provide the adequate amount of support. Yes. 

Oh?

You're upset over something?

Why waste my fucking time?

I've got e-books to read,

shopping to do,

so shut the fuck up. 

Why are you upset?

Shut up. 

Yea. 

She's amazing in so many ways,

but in this particular aspect,

it is fucked up. 

And the final thing that bothered me all the way to this morning. 

Not figuring out the right move for future reference. 

The best option would be to flip the bird and keep walking.

If the guy gets the chance to talk whilst you're moving,

just keep the bird in the air and continue on the way.

Even if he gets out,

keep going. 

They can try me if they want,

but I sure as hell am not catching a charge 

in this stupid-ass country 

where if you had the option to run away like a bitch

(even if it means the aggressor gets a chance to steal 

or wreck your shit and does so, 

where the police will usually do fuck-all 

or it's not worth the effort to get compensation)...

and you didn't,

and chose to defend yourself...

you'd still be found guilty. 

So fuck no. 

I'll flip them off and keep walking,

and they can come at me from behind if they want (shut up),

where I'll then be fully entitled to fight back (of course, fuckin briefly until 

I could get into a position to get away. Fucking hell. I hate this fucking law). 

Immature? Petty?

Sure. 

Avoids more severe problems and escalation?

Doesn't make you feel like shit for not saying anything?

Absolutely. 

Right now it's important not to overthink it,

or I might accidentally end up WANTING to get

into a similar situation... 

and overreact to it. 

No. 

If it never happens again, great. 

If it does,

flip the bird, and walk away. 

I'm big enough to intimidate most bitches anyhow. 

Well enough of that.