Monday, November 21, 2016

Madness

Of all the shit that's happening right now,
especially just two days before our 10-hour flight,
this had to happen NOW.

Motherfucker.

I've just come to the realization that
my own mother can't be trusted to look after my 2 year-old daughter.

Is it because she's a narcissist?
Plain evil?
Does she want extra money?
I have no idea.
I really don't, but the results are always the same:
She ends up doing the things she wants to do,
even if these things harm others.

She's got a million excuses.
The reasons always change.
But the actions...
the things that she's been expressly forbidden from doing...
she'd do.

Growing up,
she'd randomly take my things
and either move them,
hide them,
or just straight up throw them away.

Once, she even took legal documents for a court case,
and just randomly placed them in a drawer
that nobody would think to look in for them.

I only found out because luckily,
I'd wanted to have a look at them right after she moved them.

At first she denied it,
then admitted moving them.
Couldn't believe my eyes when I saw where she'd placed them.
You'd spend hours looking for those important documents.

Oh yea,
and she had a habit of moving my shit,
then forgetting where she moved them to.
So if I'd taken too long to look for those documents,
I would've been well and truly fucked.

Which almost happened,
when SHE TOOK THE FUCKING DOCUMENTS
OUT OF MY BAG WITHOUT TELLING ME,
and only remembered when we were in court,
and I had to produce those documents.

But all of that pales in comparison
to the line she's crossed multiple times.

My wife has a mild allergy to certain foods,
including stuff that has a lot of protein.

Looks like my daughter has them too.
So we avoid giving her too much protein-heavy foods,
and other types of snacks,
since she's had allergic reactions before in the form of itchy rashes.

I also avoid giving her anything with sugar.
She gets enough of that in natural foods,
and doesn't need the problems that come with it.
There'll be enough of it later down the road.

So we tell my mom the reasons why
certain foods should not be given to our daughter.

Turns out,
she's been giving her those foods on the sly.
Then turns around and wonders why I'm livid.
I get accidentally doing it the first time.
But a second time, secretly in the bedroom?
What the hell is wrong with you?

I'd later find out that she'd continued to do it.

Why? Man, your guess is as good as mine.

Now, I haven't been the perfect son,
hell, far from it.
In fact, it's a source of shame for me that
nearly every conversation I have with my mom
turns into a goddamn argument.

So before our trip and long stay overseas,
I wanted to make amends.
Maybe time away from her would be good.

And just two days away,
my daughter gets a rash on her neck.
Could've been an insect bite, could be an allergic reaction,
and could be an infection like the last time.

And if it's an infection,
we'd need to visit the doctor ASAP and get the medication before the flight.

Here's the fucked up part:
We couldn't just eliminate the allergic thing,
because of my mom's inexplicable desire to feed her the crap she wants to feed her.
It's not like my daughter was even aware of the existence of that crap.
Nope.
SHE FUCKING INTRODUCES IT TO HER.

The rest of the family is mindful.
But for some insane reason, not her.

So I ask her if she'd fed her biscuits.
Denial.
So I ask again (the truth tends to come out after much prodding).
Denial.
OK I try to explain to her that it could be an allergic reaction,
so I need to know exactly what she fed her,
so we'll know what to do.
She cuts me off repeatedly,
alternating between saying it's an insect bite and that she didn't give her any biscuits.

I try to know what she fed her.
Nope.
No biscuits.
What about other foods?
It's an insect bite. And no biscuits.
Over and over again like a broken fucking record.

WHAT ABOUT OTHER FOODS.
And this is when she too begins to raise her voice,
looking to others to support her.

JESUS FUCKING CHRIST.

As usual,
she flat out refuses to answer a basic simple question,
even if it means that treatment for my daughter could be delayed
and she has to suffer for it.

She is two years old.
And my mom is doing what? To prove a fucking point?
Hell, if she were doing it for money or revenge, at least it would make some sense.
But I have no fucking clue.

So there we are,
arguing in front of my daughter,
as I try to get my wife to bring her into the room.

AND STILL I DON'T HAVE THE ANSWER.
She just refuses to answer the question.
Over and over again.

After multiple times,
finally, one by one the answers are dragged out.
Painfully slowly.
At first, she'd answered with 'Not biscuits'.
And then came 'Just bread'.
More prodding.
'Rice'.
'The dish my wife prepared specifically for my daughter'.
'Potato from the food stall near the playground (which she was NOT supposed to fucking do)'
And then finally... 'Eggs'.
She'd had a mild allergic reaction to eggs like, one or two days before,
because she had too much,
and if you add eggs now,
she'd likely get another reaction.

It took a lot of shouting,
and lot threatening,
prodding,
back and forth to get a simple fucking answer.

Even when it involved the well-being of her granddaughter.
If we were already in the air,
and it turns out that she has an infection,
being away from Singapore is a BAD THING,
especially since we're traveling to a place where
not too many people speak English,
including the doctors.

Why hide that?
Hell, why the opposition to the very notion
that she could be having an allergic reaction?
What the fuck?

And even now,
there could've been other foods
she'd given her, including biscuits that she'd had an allergic reaction to before.

That's when it hit me.
She can't be trusted.
She just can't.
Whatever the reasons for her actions,
and no matter how many times she's told of why
certain things should not be done,
the results are always the same:
She does what she wants.
Even when it means her granddaughter suffers.

She can't be trusted to be alone with my child.
I have very little doubt she'll play the victim,
and a different kind of story will make its way
to my relatives.

But I can no longer trust her.
I can't even trust that she will change.
Like back when I was growing up,
she'd always say that she wouldn't do it again.
Then time would pass.
Sometimes a week. Sometimes a month or more.
And she'd do the exact same thing.

But she'd do it only when I wasn't around.

Then came the time when I was in between jobs or something,
because I remember being at home a lot.
At the very least,
she wouldn't move my things when I'm around, right?
Nope.

She waited until I was asleep,
and proceeded to do the exact same thing. AGAIN.

No.
It always ends up escalating.
Always.

I can't take the risk anymore.
I will never allow her to be alone with my daughter for extended periods.
I might go to the bathroom,
or send an email.
And then I'll head back.

Or if we need a sitter,
I'll make sure that someone else is with her throughout the time.

She cannot be trusted to be alone with my daughter.
And it is her doing.
I will never trust her again.
And that is a really fucked up thing to have to say about your own mother.

Well enough of that.