Final Gig (Kind Of)

So today I started work at a company which will hopefully
be the final place where I'll be in a sales role
in a company that isn't mine.
Any role, actually.

This place does seem promising,
and I intend to give it my all and hopefully stay on for many years.

Doesn't mean that I won't try
to start my own thing within the next couple of months.

All I need to do is last at least six months,
and I'll be able to achieve quite a few objectives:

• Get an apartment which I hope to lease out, starting another revenue stream which I hope will allow me to get yet another apartment for us to live in
• Allow her to apply for citizenship (finally)
• Run a qualification campaign for my "Cheap Public Transportation" business idea (I don't have a proper name for it yet so shut up)

And I intend to stay on for all of that. 

If the business idea takes off, 

I intend to find someone to run it for me.

Things are looking very promising right now,

and I know how fortunate I am.

A little apprehensive too, 

sort of like waiting for the other shoe to drop.

But yea, 

I know I can't go through life being so skeptical. 

Self-fulfilling prophecies and all that.

But right now,

I can't help feeling so very fortunate.

Now at least, 

I can see the path to a bright future for my wife and child. For us.

For all of us.

My parents, my siblings.

Hell, even my relatives (well some of them).

It's almost 6pm now.

Not too bad for a first day.

Well enough of that.

Viral Video Clips and Fucking Horrible English

On the eve of signing a new contract
for what seems to be an awesome job,
and I'm agonising over whether or not to wear a suit again (this would be the 5th meeting).

Why?
Because the wife wants to celebrate it.
GODDAMMIT YOU CAN WAIT ONE DAY.

It's probably not a big deal,
and I can likely get away with wearing business casual.

But... why take the risk of planting a seed of doubt in guy's mind?
Is it worth it?
I doubt the meeting is going to take longer than 20 minutes.
Hell, it might even just last 15 minutes or less.
But... why take the risk, you know?

Anyway,
I felt like I had to write something today because
of the godawful grammar of Singaporeans,
which had gone right smack into my face,
and exploded like a... um, cream pie balloon thing or whatever. Shut up.

Now I know I make mistakes as well...
but this one fucking post was just infuriating.

I mean, she even used the word "artefact" (pretty sure that's how she spelled it),
in place of (and I'm completely serious about this) "items".
WHY DEAR GOD.

I couldn't even bring myself to go through the whole damn thing.
And I was really interested in reading it.
The post was about her dad,
who is the old man in a video that's gone viral in Singapore that
shows a couple bullying (and in my opinion, assaulting)
him over a FUCKING SEAT AT A HAWKER CENTRE.

Not going to write about that incident and its fallout. Too long.
Too lazy.

But I will say that lately I've been noticing more and more videos
like this going viral, with news of the police acting on those
videos appearing days later. Sometimes it seems like they moved at lightning speed.
Probably due to the outrage that typically comes with those videos.

Or maybe it's because I've only just begun noticing it.
I don't know.
But it bothers me.
Not necessarily because the police took action.
But because I'm worried they acted
mainly because of the outrage.

The couple I'd mentioned earlier
were arrested for causing a "public nuisance".
Not for assault or criminal intimidation.

"Public nuisance" does not have a tight definition by design.
According to an article in the Straits Times,
one of the reasons the couple were arrested was because
they'd used vulgar language.

And that should worry people.
I don't believe that being an asshole should be a criminal offence.

And besides,
they had enough for assault.
So this is not only troubling, but confusing as well.

Well enough of that.

Piss-Poor Interview

So I've been back in Singapore since February,
and this time round at least,
things appear to be slightly better.
I've had two interviews so far.
None of them with Singaporeans, of course.
But hey, I'm still glad.
One advantage of living in a multicultural hub.

So the interview this morning went
incredibly... bad.
Not because of the interviewer.
I mean, if it were,
you'd definitely be hearing about it from me,
along with a few... *ahem*, choice words.

I think it was mainly due to a lack of preparation.
Maybe I was overconfident.
Maybe it was because I hadn't had my coffee yet.
But man oh man.
I was struggling to put together coherent sentences,
and hell, even searching for the proper words wasn't easy.

And for some insane goddamn reason,
I started out (and continued using throughout the interview),
by including the word "man" at the end of some sentences.

You know, something like "How are you, man?"

Sheesh.

Another major reason I believe is also
the fact that I hadn't written anything in a very long time.

Even for my other blog,
I prefer to post pictures with short sentences. It's easier. Simpler.
Doesn't require much thought.
But here's the thing. Interviews, and senior-level jobs are complex and require
critical thinking skills (though you wouldn't know it by speaking with some people!)

I'll have to start writing on a more regular basis again.
And going by on all the crap that's been happening in Singapore
and around the world,
I doubt I'll be left wanting for things to talk about.

Well enough of that.

The Muslim Ban

This is gonna be a very short post.
Bit of a rant.
Bit of advice, too.

There are already racists and White/Any other non-Brown Ethnicity supremacist
claiming yet again that "Hey, it's not so bad!" or that "It's only temporary!"

These are the spineless ones. The ones who won't admit to their bigotry.
If history is any indication,
they will eventually let their true colours show.

Here's the advice bit:
If ANY of non-Brown or rich friends tell you not to worry,
or brush off your concerns,
or even try to tell you that you're wrong about
how bad it fucking truly is...
and they're not doing it just to console you...
then they are NOT your friends.

This is something you need to understand.
Maybe at some point they were,
but they're not anymore.

The best you can hope for is not to get any kind of help
when you truly need it.
They're willing to watch you drown
with a smile on their faces while patting themselves
on the back for being decent, moral people.

The worst...
Well, I think you know.
Ask all the people throughout history
who have lived through genocides and similar atrocities
how shocked they were that their neighbours turned on them so quickly.
That they people who used to greet them in the hallway,
or in the street.

These are those people.
They may not be the only ones,
but I promise you that they are within that group.

So what do you do?
Have contingencies in place.
Continue to be kind (don't just act, but BE kind),
continue to be trustworthy,
and most importantly,
continue to be a decent human being.

Just be very careful.
I need to have contingencies in place for my family as well.

There's very little doubt in my mind that if Singapore
were to implement a similar policy,
that they'd outlaw Islam and Muslims,
that there'd be plenty of bootlicking Muslim police officers and
soldiers who'd do as they are told so long as they get a pat on the head
and a few crumbs.


Unlikely to happen, though.
Not with Malaysia, Indonesia, and Brunei in the region.

But what they'd likely do is a continuation of what
they'd always done:
Pick a few off. Demonise them.
Scare the rest.

This is what I'd need to guard against.
It's not something I can physically fight out of us.
Like most cowards throughout history,
they will crowd together,
and hide behind weapons and discriminatory laws.

Nope.
Alternative plans must be made.
If things go sideways,
we need to have a country we can go to where
we'll be able to live our lives in peace.

Some place people won't think to look twice at us.
Maybe Mongolia,
or hell, even fucking Siberia.

Who knows.

Well enough of that.

The Look

It's 3am now,
and once again
it will be up to me
to try and mend fences.

Before I do so,
I need to remember this.
That look.
The look she gave me
at one point during the argument.

I've seen it before.
There's little doubt in my mind
that if given the chance,
she would've hit me.
As in a full-force,
with intent-to-injure kind of hit.

Again,
I don't think she plans it.
She's mainly driven by emotion.
But I have no doubt.
If I'd been close enough,
she would've just lashed out.

The main reason
she couldn't was because she was seated on the couch,
and I was standing quite a distance from her.

At this point,
I don't think she'll ever hurt the baby.
No, she never would.
This much I know,
although as I type this,
I can feel seeds of doubt taking root.
Best to stop thinking about it too much.

Anyway, back to me.
I'll gladly take on a guy twice my size (maybe 'gladly' isn't the best word though!).
But this.
This is different.
Do I tell someone?
What if I'm mistaken though?
It'll tarnish the image of her permanently.

No.
I hope I'm mistaken. I really do.

And now,
it's time to put on a smile.

Well enough of that.

Lost It

Well, didn't quite lose my temper.
But I decided not to just take it this time either,
even if her mom is present.

How did this argument begin in the first place?
We were looking for something,
and I couldn't remember where it was.
Sometimes I'm right about where it is,
sometimes I'm not.
Let's just look for it, you know?

It wasn't even something important.
Just a goddamn transport card.

As usual,
she's so fucking convinced that she's right
about who took what...
she flat out refuses to check any other places
and gets super pissed about it,
raising her voice even with her mom and the baby nearby.

Even after I make it clear that yeah,
she could be right,
but why don't we just check, you know?
She has been wrong in the past (something which she fucking hates admitting to).

It wasn't over something urgent.

I get that she hates that I think she might be mistaken.
But these are little disputes of memory people have
ALL THE GODDAMN TIME.

The objective is to find the item.
Not to determine who remembered what correctly.
And hell, once you find the thing,
you'll probably figure out who made the mistake.

In this case,
it was me.
And I'm open to this.
I told her I could barely remember.

But nope.
Even after I've located it,
she's still shouting,
being angry,
telling me how she's right.

I've lost count of the number of times she's done this.
Over small fucking things.

An argument over nothing.
Fucking absolutely nothing.
Even after I admit I'm wrong,
it's apparently not enough.

I had to walk away because
she would've just continued to escalate the situation.
And for what?
To be right?
Not just to be right,
but to rub it in the other person's face,
and spit on them?

What would be the point of that?

Enough of this shit already.

Freefall

Today I think I truly understood just how disconnected
from reality she is,
or can be.

There seems to be a problem with my bank account,
and almost a thousand dollars seemed to have vanished,
preventing me from paying off my credit card bill.

So we're already in a pretty bad shape financially,
but this...
this will push us into debt.
One of the worst kinds of debt: Credit card.

I'd budgeted at least to cover that.
We'd have at least around a thousand dollars left to see if I can get a job
within a month once we're back in Singapore.

But with this...
I only have like $360.
Hell, I wouldn't have blamed her if she'd panicked.
It would've been a normal reaction.

Instead...
she just went 'Hey, I want to go out.'

Maybe the gravity of the situation hadn't hit her yet.
But nope...
a little while later, she jokes
about farming bitcoins or something.

This is like making a joke
while we're on a sinking ship in the middle of the ocean.

And I know that this next argument is going to come up.
I know this.
And it will basically be something like this:

Her: I want to go out! Do stuff!
Me: We can go out once or twice a week, but I really need to focus on making money.
Her: But I'm bored! I'm BORED.

This is insanity. It's delusion.
I can't believe I'm on my own on this. But I am.

For the baby's sake, I need to pull us out of this. Alone.

Well enough of that.