Still tired

Have I used a similar title before?
Can't remember.
My elbows are  resting on the table,
and I can barely keep myself upright on this wooden chair.

And yes, I'm still sleepy as hell,
but I'm at  that  weird  point where I've woken up for the day.
Might be able to  take a nap later in a few hours.

Right now, I'm just hoping a bit of  caffeine is going to be enough
for me to start  doing my daily push-ups.

So why the hell am I back?
I need to post something, that's why.

A lot of  shit  has  gone down,
and I probably only have a few months  left on the job.
The director and his boss have  made  their move.
And his boss sounds so very reasonable too,
that sly, cheeky bastard.

But that's not the main reason I'm here.

I posted a comment on  Facebook recently,
and... I chose the  wrong  word.
I meant  'persecuted', and  instead went  with 'prosecuted'.

That kind of thing bothers  the hell out of me.
Sure, I was  exhausted when I wrote it, but it still bugs me.

It's a reminder that  I hadn't written  in a very long  time.
To put  together  words that  form a compelling story is  not going to be  as easy as it used to be,
back when I was posting regularly (how long ago was that??).

But  I'm a sales  guy, and  this sort of thing is fucking important.

I  guess that little mistake kicked off  a chain  reaction of thoughts.
My English is  going down the  crapper again,
and I can't create engaging stories around not just my products,
but  my experiences. Not the way I used to do.

There's just  so much to do.
Also, it'll probably  help if,
after reading  the  headlines,
I  start going  through The  Oatmeal, Cracked, Penny Arcade, sites like that.

Big  fan of The  Oatmeal, especially the way he writes articles.
Dude's got a unique style.

Anyway, I better down the  rest  of my coffee and  hope I can get  something  useful done
in the  next few  hours.

Well enough of that.

Freight Train

A beautiful Sunday morning,
and I find myself asking, have things gotten better?

Overall, yes.
Will they get worse, likely yes, but  hopefully no.

I'm tired again.
Tired of my body that doesn't change as  fast  as I'd like it to.
Tired of my conniving manager and colleagues at  my company,
preventing me from doing my job well.

Tired of the lack of sex.
Even the thought of sex with my wife depresses me because
she'll without a doubt try and speed it up,
as if it  were  some annoying chore.
She spends less time on sex with me than she does playing a game on her  phone.

She's not a heartless bitch or anything like  that.
She's a kind, caring, loving person otherwise.
But it's mainly thing one thing.

And I'm tired of bringing it up,
tired of hints,
tired of acting like a motherfucking beggar.

Enough already with that  shit.
I guess this  is  me dealing  with the fact that sex will soon be an extremely rare thing,
that  occurs only when she  feels like  it.

Add to that the stress of constantly  looking for a new job - I've already talked previously
racism in this  goddamn  country is - and trying to stay in my  current  job despite
the  efforts of  my director...
it  just tires me  out.

Oh and my injured shoulder  is not helping.
I should  be resting for a week or two.
But  that  would  mean an even  longer delay in getting the  look  that  I want.

No, I'll work through the pain.

A  bright, shining spark is our little  baby girl.
She's so smart and  fierce, she'll  undoubtedly kick ass and take  names when she's bigger.

But that bright  spark also reminds me of a freight  train at  the end of  the tunnel.
A lot  of expenses. A lot of money.
Money that  I might not have.

I'm  just so very tired.

Well enough of  that.

Fuck, Fuck, Fuck

It's 12.21am, and I am fucking exhausted.
Not just from work,
I'm fucking exhausted and pissed.

And it is incredibly hard right now to put all the thoughts and emotions into words.
That's how bad it is.
It's reached the point  where,
just to release a bit of tension,
my fist goes up to my face, and smashed  into it.
Just the past hour alone it's happened several times.

I need sex and  sleep.
Badly.
I can only get the  latter,
but hey, I'll fucking  take what I can fucking get.

So I'll try and keep this  shorter than  usual.

My wife. The love of  my life.
Can sometimes act like a goddamn idiot.
She's not stupid.
In fact, I think  she's pretty smart and  insightful.

But when she's exhausted and frustrated,
a side of her emerges, and  takes over.

The side that doesn't fully grasp the concept of time,
that doesn't give a shit about how others around her  have helped her,
and continue  to help her with all kinds of stuff.

The side that also doesn't fully understand  how money works.

Nope.

I choose  to  work from home for several reasons.
Convenience is  one.
To  save  money is another (for  us, not  just myself).
And also to help out a little bit more.

But nope.
All she  sees is her struggle with
juggling baby with  housework and a side  gig we have going  on,
managing an Airbnb  listing that's based in Busan (I do most of the work).

The many times I help to look after the baby,
disrupting my day job (the one  that  actually pays  the  goddamn motherfucking bills),
sometimes  for a few minutes, sometimes for an hour  or  more...

Turn into accusations of  spending only several minutes  with the  baby,
You  know, doing  fuck-all when it  comes to helping  her.
Putting the aside the fact that she doesn't help me with my work, now does she?
Nope.
It's a one-way fucking street.

And, whenever I take a short break from work,
like watching a video or just resting on the couch,
she accuses me of not working;
It started out as jokes... gentle chiding.
Not anymore.
Now it';s just straight up accusations of not working.

I mean, what in the flying fuck?
She's worse that my idiot  director.

I do this all the time at work in the office
to recharge my brain.
It's how I perform.
Sometimes I need a break to figure out how to
solve a particularly complex problem with a client or prospect.

Motherfucker. WHY DO I EVEN  NEED TO GIVE A FUCKING REASON?

If I were in the office,
she wouldn't see me at all.
I wouldn't be here to help look after the baby while she  showers,
or does the  laundry, etc.

I appreciate the  stuff she does.
I  do.
But  how about acknowledging my contribution, goddammit?

Instead I get her ignorant judgment on how I work.

Oh, and by the  way,
thanks to the constant  interruptions,
my performance is suffering.

And it could affect my full-time gig.
The one that enables me to put  FOOD ON THE  FUCKING TABLE.

I've tried to explain it to her many, many times.
Oh she'll say she gets it.
Well actually sometimes she  says that.
Others, well, she rolls her  eyes, and gives sarcastic comments like 'Go, go and work!',
making it sound like  I don't give a shit about my wife and child.

What a peach, right?

While I'm trying to do all this,
from time to time,
she'll bring up the topic of getting our own apartment.

YOU CAN'T EVEN HANDLE THE  BABY  ON  YOUR OWN EVEN  WITH MY MOTHER'S HELP.

And she  doesn't seem to grasp that  the  constant  interruptions are  affecting my performance.
Nope.

She wants things  that  cost a shitload of money.
But doesn't want to put  in the effort,
or hell,
even acknowledge the  effort it would take to make that amount.

Nope.
She just wants it.

When I think  up additional ideas to our Bed and Breakfast in Busan,
like supplying halal meat to the  Muslim stores there,
she  rubbishes the idea.

Even with my two jobs,
it'll be  a LONG time  before I'm able to come up  with the  amount we need.

And does she  come up with  any suggestions?
NOPE.

Just  shoots  down idea after idea,
without giving  suggestions of her own.

I manage our listing,
but little, inconsequential things...
things you couldn't avoid running a business...
send her  into a tizzy.

Yea, her  lack of rest is a factor in it.
But it doesn't make it any easier for me to deal with it.

When I make suggestions for her  to rest,
like napping when the baby  is napping...
she  doesn't do it.
All kinds of excuses come up.

And then she struggles with accepting, let alone  dealing with the  consequences of her  choices.

Holy shit.
Just sleep longer.
There's no need to fucking  get up,
every  time  the  baby moves around  in  her  sleep.

THE  BABY WILL CRY  WHEN  SHE'S REALLY HUNGRY OR  UPSET.

Instead of being a motherfucking sentinel that  watches over her  24x7,
how  about getting some MUCH-NEEDED  REST?
You ever  think of that?
FUCKING HELL.

I could go into the suggestions  I'd given her,
the strategies she should've implemented to deal with  our baby.

Things that, because  she DIDN'T do,
result in the issues we both  face now.

Some of these issues  can  be  fixed,
but require weeks of commitment.
She can't commit to a two days, let alone weeks.

Two days, and she  complains about  the lack of change.
I can't even, man.
How the hell do you deal with  someone  like that?

I'm tired now.
Exhausted. Severely pissed off.

But it's good to write all this  shit down.
Heh. It's probably barely coherent. Fuck it..

Well enough of that.

Gears moving so fast that you can see smoke

It's Wednesday about 12pm,
and soon I will have to head to the office,
thanks a goddamn idiot bitch.

He's not  my bitch, though.
He's the director's bitch.
Bit hard  to respect someone so subservient,
so afraid of another  human being.
I get it, you want  to keep your job.
I get it.
But his conduct  goes  way beyond the necessary.
He  basically prostrates  himself at the  feet  of that  cunt,
while occasionally bad-mouthing him (does it  make him  feel brave?)
behind  his back.

Man, I've got so much  to do,
so much to  be  thankful  for.
And anytime now I feel like  I'm going to trip up and  fail everybody.

Setting  up the first  Halal Homestay  (as far  as I'm aware) in  Busan,
and everything  that comes  with  it,
from research,
to  establishing  partnerships,
to getting the appropriate-sized photos for the  Airbnb listing.

And then there's the business of selling Agabang products
that I need  to set up as well.

Oh yes,
and my attempt at selling  Outbox  Pro to Pitney Bowes.

And lastly, trying to  make my tenure at Pitney Bowes  last  as long as possible.
I'd say I have a month, maybe two left.
But if I can put together a decent plan  and make a few sales  in the  meantime,
I might  be  able to  last  a bit longer.
That would be really good.
The income is badly  needed at this  stage,
though  hopefully not  as much in 6 months!

I'm hungry, I'm nervous.
And  I'm also excited.

Time  to get  crackin'

Well enough of that.

Thursday Morning

Best. Title. Ever.
I need to write more. More stories.
And I need to shift my focus towards humour.
So much shit has been happening lately, man.
So much.
I feel so very tired.
Like, down-to-the-bone tired,
despite downing two cups of coffee for the pre-dawn meal about 3 hours ago.

I'm working on a LinkedIn post,
about small businesses and location intelligence.
And it is taking way, waaaay too long.
The research part is probably what's holding me back.
Free data?
OK just took a second to Google it.
Meh. I suppose a single example within Singapore ought to do it.

Later today,
I'll have to attend a lunch event held by IBM.
There'll be great networking opportunities.
Except, I won't be eating or drinking.
But it's cool, though. I've got a plan.
Instead of walking up to strangers who are having lunch,
with nothing but air in my hands,
like I'm a little off and just wandered in from the streets looking to talk to random strangers,
I'll be holding a... wait for it... wait  for  it... an empty  coffee cup!!!
Oh yes.
I know... I know... brilliant plan.
It'll look like I'm either having coffee (or tea)(or coke)(or whatever),
or I've just finished my drink.

Man, I need this to go well.
Especially after pissing off the IT guy at  MOM,
even though I'd checked with him first if it's OK  for me  to approach the end-users to get their feedback.

Nooooo!
When they begin checking in with him,
suddenly this  asshole starts getting annoyed,
and gives me a call and rudely  tells me to stop,
after implying that he expected me to approach only one or two people.

Seriously?
You're looking at an enterprise GIS,
and wanted to ensure that it would be widely adopted.

If you'd wanted me to just speak with two people...
YOU SHOULD HAVE TOLD ME SO.
Not just when it  became inconvenient for your lazy ass.

Anyway, the baby' back from her walk,
and I've got a ton of  shit to get  done before the event.

Feels like I need to climb a mountain at  top speed,
while wearing a heavy  backpack containing two billy goats,
a bowling ball,
and 9 munchkins.

It's going to be an exhausting climb.


Well enough of  that.

On Racism and Denial and Goddamn Idiots

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Just Write

Oh man, there are so many things for me to write about.
But right now, I'd like to focus on a bigoted cocksucker
named Alex who runs a blog called Limpehft (or something like that).

He wrote a long post ranting about a supposedly racist Singaporean living in Exeter.
That guy had made a statement in the form of a post on Quora,
talking about his experience living and studying in England.
This includes his encounters with racists,
the constant fear he had of running into members of the EDL,
or being robbed by drug addicts.

He also touched on the positive encounters he had,
particularly with Scots.

One more thing I'd like to point out,
is that apparently, he looks Chinese, but is also a Muslim.

You'll see why this is relevant later.

I came across this cocksucker's blog post first,
and halfway through it,
I could tell how big of a spineless cunt he really is.

I finished the article,
read a few comments where again,
when it was pointed out to him that he'd overreacted,
he bitched and moaned like the little cunt that he is,
unwilling to accept or even respect the opinions of others.
You'll also see later what a raging spineless hypocrite this makes him.

Oh yeah,
and he decided to do a bit of digging,
and wrote to the Quora poster's university;
not just one person or department, oh no.
He went all out and got a hold of anyone who may have some sort of authority there.

And he was too much of a cowardly fuck to admit
that he was trying to 'punish' the Quora poster.
And this spineless dick couldn't even admit to such
even after being called out in the comment section of his blog,
instead repeatedly saying that he'd made his position clear (I take it to mean that he's a cunt),
and that his writing to the university was merely an experiment.

He would later gleefully post that the university was looking into it,
apparently hoping the guy would be kicked out,
ending his academic career.
That's the kind of asshole we're dealing with here.

An inquiry/investigation can not only be draining on the target,
but it could also end up adversely affecting his academic career
as well as his professional career at a later stage,
even if he were found to have done nothing wrong.

It's like making a false report of sexual assault against someone.
Even if it was determined that he truly was innocent,
he'd still be tainted by that accusation.

Again, that's the kind of asshole we're dealing with here.

Ah fuck.
My time's running out fast.
I'll need to keep this shorter that I would've liked.

Back to the original Quora post that started all of this,
the guy was merely writing about his experiences,
and the opinions expressed were his and his alone.
It started a debate in the comments section as he could,
and it seemed to attract a fair number of reasonable, fairly intelligent comments...
along with fucking idiots;
you know, the ones who go "You complain! Don't like it? LEAVE!"
Never mind the fact that it's none of your goddamn business
what people decide to do,
or think,
or complain about.

You can be happy living in a place,
and still have complaints.
I mean hell,
I bet each of these stupid assholes had complained about things
that they still continue to use regularly,
such as public transportation,
their computers,
or the spiky dildoes that they so clearly stick up their gaping rectums every night.

But with regard to the Quora post,
I can at least give them credit for directly engaging (even if in a troll-like manner) the poster.
If you don't agree with someone's opinion, offer your own,
have a discussion.
Grow a fucking spine and act like an adult.

I disagree with some of the comments he made,
especially about free speech in Singapore,
but hey,
I have the option of engaging in a debate with him.
He didn't make the post anonymously.
He's there. Have a fucking discussion, instead of acting like a goddamn drama queen.

Oh, but not Alex.
Nope, this spineless cocksucker not only refused to comment on that thread,
he wrote a long, rambling post that pretty much boiled down to this:
'My experience does not match yours! SO IT MEANS YOU ARE LYING!'
oh, and
'I MUST DEFEND ALL WHITE PEOPLE!'

Remember when I said the Quora's poster's religion would become relevant?
Well here's the thing.
Islamophobia is on the rise.
Unless you're a Muslim,
have accidentally seen it happen yourself regularly,
or look for it in the news,
you probably wouldn't even have been aware of it.

Alex is a non-Muslim Chinese,

In any place where Islamphobia is rampant,
his experience would differ greatly from
Muslims who live in that same place.

This is apparently waaaaay too hard for him to comprehend.
He approaches some semblance of comprehension,
only to clarify later in the article that nope!
He is indeed a bigoted fucking moron.

I just have a few mins left so I'll need to wrap this up soon.

And in that rambling post of his,
he barely addressed the points raised in the Quora post,
instead going off on a tangent with personal attacks,
talking about the poster's supposed inferior university,
academic capability,
and even his family's financial status.

Oh, and he also trumpeted his own achievements.
Yep.

Need to wrap it up.
Here's what really bugs me:
He hates another person's opinion,
and decides to make that person's life difficult,
behind his back.

He's also attempting to use his relatively popular blog (according to him, no. 14 in Singapore)(which really, is like being the 14th biggest pebble in a remote village that no one has ever heard of before)(in other words, eh, not much) to hurt the Quora poster.

So here's what I intend to do once I have the time.
I'll be letting the Quora poster know who the cowardly fucker is that made the complaint.

2nd, I'll be posting a comment on that cocksucker's blog post.
And in that comment I'll be talking about hey,
since he thinks it's OK to try and fuck up other people's lives
just because you don't like what they say,
I'm sure he wouldn't mind if I did the same to him. And his wife. And his parents.
And his kids.

That's how social media works,
according to him apparently.

Now if you know me by now,
you'll know that by that point,
I would've run out of fucks to give,
and won't be doing any of that.

But seeing his reaction,
and the thought of his anticipating something happening,
will be enough for me.

Well enough of that.