Preventive Measures

She fucking did it again.

On the morning of Eid Fitri, 

I woke up to a charge of almost a hundred bucks on my credit card. 

Vitamins and shit including for me,

which I'd specifically told her not to get. 

And the weekend before,

she'd spent almost $200 on a trip to the movies with my daughter.

Motherfucker what the hell?

This was after we'd spent almost A THOUSAND BUCKS on 

my daughter's art class. 

We discussed this.

Agreed to cut down on the spending for this month. 

And one week later,

what the fuck does she do?

I don't know if it's apathy or narcissism or ignorance or something else. 

Words don't seem to work on her,

and I'm exhausted. 

I'll have to treat her like a little kid. 

She'll probably get upset about it,

won't understand why...

which, when you think about it, would be fucking ironic. 

I've told her already that she's not to use my card

for the rest of this month.

We've only got a week left, 

but we'll see. 

And if she pulls this kind of shit again,

especially within the month,

then I'll begin removing my credit card 

from one of her apps. 

And the time she does it after that?

Another app. 

Until there's none left,

not even for cabs. 

I was really hoping to avoid this shit. 

Once you cross this line,

it's hard to go back, you know?

But she does not seem to grasp the importance of saving,

or spending within your means,

or hell, 

even the fact that once you spend money,

guess what??

IT'S GONE.

MONEY SPENT. THEN NO MORE MONEY. 

Fucking hell. 

It always vexed me to not figure out the next steps. 

And when I did,

made me concerned about the long-term implications. 

But looks like I've got little choice.

Words don't work.

Agreements don't work. 

If I don't stop this,

if an emergency happens,

we'd be in deep trouble. 

I'm earning the most I've ever earned in my life...

and we're practically living paycheck to paycheck. 

It's fucking insanity. 

She doesn't even have any savings. 

None.

What the fuck is this obsession with emptying 

her goddamn bank account every month?

Anyway, 

this is what needs to happen. 

Fuck. 

Well enough of that. 

Over and Done With

Well this fucking sucks. 

I'm struggling to find the words, 

to get through how severely pissed off I am,

how annoying it is, 

how depressing it is. 

Ah fuck it, 

I'll just come out and say it. 

I won't be renting a car in Korea. 

Yep. 

That's it, yes!

That's what I'm bitching about, you're goddamn right. 

I'm going to be 42, soon.

I'll probably never get a car.

Probably never drive properly again.

Oh yes,

maybe I'll get to try on occasion.

Like a fucking child gets an ice-cream cone from time to time. 

I'm not gonna go over this whole thing in detail again,

about how expensive and time-consuming it is to get a motherfucking license in Singapore,

and about how my siblings flat out refused to teach me,

even back when we had a car to use... nope!

They managed to get theirs.

They made it, you see.

So fuck me. 

Finally managed to get it on my own just a few years ago.

They don't know and I don't want them to fucking know.

You know I'd even thought that if I ever get a car,

and they find out,

I'd never let them board it. 

Yea they're family,

and I'll help in other ways. 

But not for this. 

And then came the time to plan for the post-Covid Korea trip.

Hadn't seen the mother-in-law in almost five years?

Man, despite my wife spending money like fish drink water,

I managed to be disciplined enough to save up for not only the trip, 

but also to rent a car for maybe two or three weeks. 

Planned for months. 

Plus, I really fucking hate dealing with greedy-ass, asshole Korean taxi drivers. 

Part of my plan was to also give money to the mother-in-law. 

Of course. 

We have to look after her.

Hell I'd even offered to provide a monthly allowance, which she'd turned down. 

For this trip, 

I was planning to set aside a decent amount for her. 

But for months now.

For fucking months, 

both she and the wife have repeatedly intoned that 

"You don't need to rent a car."

First of all, 

we're going to be there for around 20 days. 

So there will be situations where we won't be able to get a cab,

get ripped off if we do get one,

and unable to take public transport (especially if it's raining and during rush hour). 

Nope. 

Despite my insistence, they kept at it. 

She knew how important this was to me.

She fucking knew it. 

And they both kept repeating it over and over and over again.

I mean, FUCK. 

WHY. 

I work hard for our money.

Why the fuck can't I have this one thing.

Motherfucker, 

I always try to be supportive of their decisions. 

Even when I disagree, 

I won't imply that they're fucking stupid for wanting to do whatever it is that they want. 

But that doesn't apply to me, I guess. 

Fuck me. 

The fucking idiot who wants to waste money.

Never mind that she herself takes cabs in Singapore regularly. 

Never mind the fact that sometimes, 

we get stuck somewhere really inconvenient

because either the fare goes up to astronomical levels,

or cabs just aren't around. 

There will be some mountains we won't be able to explore, in Korea.

Some areas that will be off-limits,

because I just fucking know how difficult it will be to not only get there without a car,

but to get back as well,

and I'll be damned if I'll put our daughter in that situation. 

I actually snapped at one point,

and told her that I'm willing to lose a few hundred bucks to just cancel the trip.

We could go somewhere else.

Either that or I rent the car,

and she and her mom can take a taxi separately.

I'll pay for the fucking thing.

Even the scamming assholes that want to overcharge. 

I'll pay for all that shit. 

And I'll head to the same spot myself in the car.

Of course, OF COURSE she refuses. 

And later,

she came over and said that we could rent a car if I really wanted to. 

FUCK THAT. 

What are my options, really?

To rent a car anyway? As a fucking consolation? 

Despite their telling me repeatedly not to?

Like I'm a fucking kid that was just given permission,

since I was so stubborn and throwing a temper tantrum?

Is that it?

Had to drag them along, 

kicking and screaming?

Oh yea, 

fantastic. 

Like holding an event where people HAD to attend,

groaning the whole time. 

Man was I a fucking dumbass. 

I even planned on sending the mother-in-law to work each early morning. 

Was hoping her colleagues would see her being dropped off,

so it'd raise her status somewhat. 

No need, you moron.

Just spend the money on us. Give us the money. 

You just shut the fuck up. 

And what's the other option?

Once again delay any driving experience I could get,

and yep, 

deal with the fucking taxi drivers 

and other inconvenient transport-related bullshit that we'll undoubtedly come across. 

So I gave in.

I told her fuck it then, 

I won't rent a car. 

Literally said "You guys get what you want."

And that was good enough for her!

Oh man she was happy now. 

Fuck me and what I want.

We'll just go along with whatever the fuck they want to do.

Man, 

if it weren't for my daughter,

who's really looking forward to her first ever proper trip,

which she'll be able to share with her friends...

My response would have been vastly different. 

And somehow, 

I don't think she understands just how different it would have been. 

Even with that in mind,

I've been spending hour after hour today 

oscillating between depression and rage. 

Fuck them. 

Several years later,

scrimping and saving (despite her constant overspending), 

without taking proper leave from work...

And this is what I get?

THIS?

I'm seeing this as an absolute burden. 

Can't wait to get this shit over and done with. 

I'll try to keep up an enthusiastic facade for my daughter,

but I don't foresee us going back to Korea any time soon. 

What a waste of time and money it's going to be. 

Hell, I might even work there instead of going on leave. 

Best to save it up for when I'll be able to spend time along at home in motherfucking Singapore. 

Yep. 

The sooner this is over and done with, the better. 

Well enough of that.