It's been a while,
and I feel it, I really do.
Even that tiny sentence
made me struggle,
and I gave up on trying to describe just how the feeling is
the way I originally wanted to.
And that's not the only thing.
Maybe its the weather,
or the realization about just how far I am from
making the first sale of both fish and software,
but the motivation is just not there.
I feel like going back home,
and setting up the ol' Xbox and just playing and doing nothing.
But that'd probably end up making me depressed,
the way the lack of money with a family to support tends to.
I'm still pretty far off when it comes to my fitness goals as well.
And I've realized that the weight needs to come off.
Bulking can come later.
But it'll never really come without my being able to sleep
peacefully without a fucking blocked nose and snoring so loudly that I wake myself up.
The way out is clear,
from where I stand.
Quit wasting time on Youtube.
Don't run away from the problems you've got to solve.
And for fuck's sake,
quit blaming other people for your own procrastination.
The time is now.
Now.
Now.
It's hard to drag yourself out of the mud.
O GOD, it really is.
But I've got to.
Oh yea and almost forgot.
I should start keeping a physical diary.
One day all this will be gone.
Paper will (hopefully) last longer.
And while I'm mainly looking to keep this for my daughter,
for her to know who I really am... warts and all.
But it'd be nice to have something our grandkids could read.
I wish my grandparents had kept diaries, too.
Or maybe they did,
and I've got no idea.
Time to get to it.
Well enough of that.
