Goddammit

It's Friday,
the eve of the fasting month.

I'm trying to make sense of what I'm going through right now.
I've got a decent job. No, a GOOD fucking job.
I'm making six figures.

And when I signed the contract,
I was hoping to make it my final sales role,
where I'll be staying the longest,
before properly launching my side project (if it even takes off).

But after the first sales meeting and a call with a legitimate prospect,
I realize just how rusty I am.
Or was I never really good at it in the first place?
I'm excellent at selling myself and my abilities that's for sure.
Well, fairly decent I think.
Hell, I got this gig, didn't I?

But with my dad retiring,
and our planning for an apartment,
on top of applying for citizenship for her after six months...
I don't know man,
maybe the stress of it is getting to me.

The meeting didn't bother me as much
as the call with Park Hotel Group.
Sure it was a junior person,
but I didn't quite ask the right questions
and at one point,
didn't even know what to really ask at all.

Sure, I could be out of practice.
But the fact that I've spoken with two prospects (no wait, fucking THREE)
and haven't been able to even ask the right questions,
makes me question myself.

What the fuck am I doing?

Hell, I even considered just... coasting.
Lasting long enough to be able to launch that project I'd been thinking of.

Not going to do that.
Fuck no.

But the fact that I thought of it this early on,
just two weeks in?

Holy crap is that disturbing.

I'll have to get it together.
Plan the next steps.
Be OK with losing a few deals or asking the wrong questions.

Revise the fucking SPIN training methodology.

As soon as I close my first deal,
It'll probably be fine.

Well enough of that.