The Muslim Ban

This is gonna be a very short post.
Bit of a rant.
Bit of advice, too.

There are already racists and White/Any other non-Brown Ethnicity supremacist
claiming yet again that "Hey, it's not so bad!" or that "It's only temporary!"

These are the spineless ones. The ones who won't admit to their bigotry.
If history is any indication,
they will eventually let their true colours show.

Here's the advice bit:
If ANY of non-Brown or rich friends tell you not to worry,
or brush off your concerns,
or even try to tell you that you're wrong about
how bad it fucking truly is...
and they're not doing it just to console you...
then they are NOT your friends.

This is something you need to understand.
Maybe at some point they were,
but they're not anymore.

The best you can hope for is not to get any kind of help
when you truly need it.
They're willing to watch you drown
with a smile on their faces while patting themselves
on the back for being decent, moral people.

The worst...
Well, I think you know.
Ask all the people throughout history
who have lived through genocides and similar atrocities
how shocked they were that their neighbours turned on them so quickly.
That they people who used to greet them in the hallway,
or in the street.

These are those people.
They may not be the only ones,
but I promise you that they are within that group.

So what do you do?
Have contingencies in place.
Continue to be kind (don't just act, but BE kind),
continue to be trustworthy,
and most importantly,
continue to be a decent human being.

Just be very careful.
I need to have contingencies in place for my family as well.

There's very little doubt in my mind that if Singapore
were to implement a similar policy,
that they'd outlaw Islam and Muslims,
that there'd be plenty of bootlicking Muslim police officers and
soldiers who'd do as they are told so long as they get a pat on the head
and a few crumbs.


Unlikely to happen, though.
Not with Malaysia, Indonesia, and Brunei in the region.

But what they'd likely do is a continuation of what
they'd always done:
Pick a few off. Demonise them.
Scare the rest.

This is what I'd need to guard against.
It's not something I can physically fight out of us.
Like most cowards throughout history,
they will crowd together,
and hide behind weapons and discriminatory laws.

Nope.
Alternative plans must be made.
If things go sideways,
we need to have a country we can go to where
we'll be able to live our lives in peace.

Some place people won't think to look twice at us.
Maybe Mongolia,
or hell, even fucking Siberia.

Who knows.

Well enough of that.

The Look

It's 3am now,
and once again
it will be up to me
to try and mend fences.

Before I do so,
I need to remember this.
That look.
The look she gave me
at one point during the argument.

I've seen it before.
There's little doubt in my mind
that if given the chance,
she would've hit me.
As in a full-force,
with intent-to-injure kind of hit.

Again,
I don't think she plans it.
She's mainly driven by emotion.
But I have no doubt.
If I'd been close enough,
she would've just lashed out.

The main reason
she couldn't was because she was seated on the couch,
and I was standing quite a distance from her.

At this point,
I don't think she'll ever hurt the baby.
No, she never would.
This much I know,
although as I type this,
I can feel seeds of doubt taking root.
Best to stop thinking about it too much.

Anyway, back to me.
I'll gladly take on a guy twice my size (maybe 'gladly' isn't the best word though!).
But this.
This is different.
Do I tell someone?
What if I'm mistaken though?
It'll tarnish the image of her permanently.

No.
I hope I'm mistaken. I really do.

And now,
it's time to put on a smile.

Well enough of that.

Lost It

Well, didn't quite lose my temper.
But I decided not to just take it this time either,
even if her mom is present.

How did this argument begin in the first place?
We were looking for something,
and I couldn't remember where it was.
Sometimes I'm right about where it is,
sometimes I'm not.
Let's just look for it, you know?

It wasn't even something important.
Just a goddamn transport card.

As usual,
she's so fucking convinced that she's right
about who took what...
she flat out refuses to check any other places
and gets super pissed about it,
raising her voice even with her mom and the baby nearby.

Even after I make it clear that yeah,
she could be right,
but why don't we just check, you know?
She has been wrong in the past (something which she fucking hates admitting to).

It wasn't over something urgent.

I get that she hates that I think she might be mistaken.
But these are little disputes of memory people have
ALL THE GODDAMN TIME.

The objective is to find the item.
Not to determine who remembered what correctly.
And hell, once you find the thing,
you'll probably figure out who made the mistake.

In this case,
it was me.
And I'm open to this.
I told her I could barely remember.

But nope.
Even after I've located it,
she's still shouting,
being angry,
telling me how she's right.

I've lost count of the number of times she's done this.
Over small fucking things.

An argument over nothing.
Fucking absolutely nothing.
Even after I admit I'm wrong,
it's apparently not enough.

I had to walk away because
she would've just continued to escalate the situation.
And for what?
To be right?
Not just to be right,
but to rub it in the other person's face,
and spit on them?

What would be the point of that?

Enough of this shit already.

Freefall

Today I think I truly understood just how disconnected
from reality she is,
or can be.

There seems to be a problem with my bank account,
and almost a thousand dollars seemed to have vanished,
preventing me from paying off my credit card bill.

So we're already in a pretty bad shape financially,
but this...
this will push us into debt.
One of the worst kinds of debt: Credit card.

I'd budgeted at least to cover that.
We'd have at least around a thousand dollars left to see if I can get a job
within a month once we're back in Singapore.

But with this...
I only have like $360.
Hell, I wouldn't have blamed her if she'd panicked.
It would've been a normal reaction.

Instead...
she just went 'Hey, I want to go out.'

Maybe the gravity of the situation hadn't hit her yet.
But nope...
a little while later, she jokes
about farming bitcoins or something.

This is like making a joke
while we're on a sinking ship in the middle of the ocean.

And I know that this next argument is going to come up.
I know this.
And it will basically be something like this:

Her: I want to go out! Do stuff!
Me: We can go out once or twice a week, but I really need to focus on making money.
Her: But I'm bored! I'm BORED.

This is insanity. It's delusion.
I can't believe I'm on my own on this. But I am.

For the baby's sake, I need to pull us out of this. Alone.

Well enough of that.