We went below the $18K mark yesterday,
and I'm still nowhere close to properly launching the business.
The money will run out at soon,
and instead of launching the business,
I'll probably have to get a job.
And in the current job market coupled with the colour of my skin,
it's definitely going to be harder than last time.
Hell, it could even take more than six months.
I'm trying so goddamn hard to get the business off the ground,
and get in shape to look good for interviews.
And yet, time and again she has shown that
she just doesn't seem to get it.
We've had arguments and discussions and agreements
over how she should focus on the baby so I can do some actual work.
And yet nearly every single day, I can barely get a step or two forward
before having to put things on the backburner while I help out with the Littlest Dictator.
I really do love spending time with the little one, I do.
Not too many dads get to spend
almost the whole day every day with their kids for the first years of their lives.
That's something I'll forever treasure.
But the money IS running out.
My dad's likely going to be retired (or forced into retirement by next year or the year after that).
When that happens, what the hell are we going to do?
Where's the money for the milk and diapers going to come from?
We're on a sinking ship,
and it really hit home yesterday (or was it the day before?)
how she seems oblivious to this fact.
She actually asked me to get a stroller that's designed for a bigger toddlers,
one that would likely cost more than two hundred bucks.
And here's the kicker: It's unnecessary!
Our current one works just fine and IS meant for bigger toddlers too.
This is apart from the occasional question on when we're getting our own apartment,
to the weekly question of where shall we go on the weekends,
as if I had got any proper work done throughout the motherfucking week.
We keep going like this,
and the money will run out,
and her reaction's likely going to be another responsibility-evading 'I didn't know!'
I desperately need her help to actually look after the baby throughout the day while I work.
Yea sure, you'll catch me watching videos and shit like that.
But it's something I need to do, to get going.
I'm trying to break out of that habit, to just get to work, but it's an uphill task,
and I get interrupted every ten or fifteen or twenty minutes.
She needs to understand that an hour or thirty minutes a day is
NOT ENOUGH to get proper work done.
But she can't.
Or more likely, she won't.
So all I can do is continue to struggle as the ship slowly sinks down into the water.
Well enough of that.
