It's been a while since I've had a proper argument,
the kind that works your mind,
increases your intelligence.
The kind that forces you to think critically.
When you read article after article involving racism
and the short, racist comments and their responses,
it's easy to just sort of go with the flow.
Keep scrolling down until you see someone who
posts a response that articulates how you feel.
And that's a problem.
I should be able to articulate how I feel.
Depending on others - especially when I don't realize it - makes my mind weak.
Every once in a while I'll get upset at a comment,
and only realize how weak I am when I can't even come up
with a coherent counter-argument in my mind.
This shit takes practice.
I've got to take the same approach when it comes to working out my mind
as well as body.
*Looks down at body*
Goddammit. Looks like I've got a really long way to go.
But hey, the mountain isn't going to climb itself.
Oh yea and before I end this,
fuck the racists and bigots who are opposed to helping out refugees.
Especially the motherfucking faux liberals.
You are the Nazis and Nazi sympathisers.
You are the ones who turned the Jewish children back to be massacred.
You are the ones who support the killing of minorities in other countries,
who cheer the destruction of their homes and livelihoods.
You have existed for centuries and will continue to do so.
Sure your faces and ethnicities may change, but you've always been around.
Like Herpes.
You are the animals who bring the rest of us down.
And you will continue to be opposed.
Fuck all of you.
Well enough of that.
Monday, October 24, 2016
Tuesday, October 11, 2016
Arrogance
There was a time that I almost believed
my wife and daughter would never come across my blog.
Never read my thoughts.
So I could say what I felt at that moment...
even unreasonable, stupid shit.
This blog is a release valve.
But man, the arrogance of that thought, you know?
Thinking they'd never uncover this.
A part of me feels selfish, too.
My daughter when she's old enough should be able to see what her dad was really like.
His stupid and brilliant and angry thoughts.
All of it.
If either of them come across this, and have reached this far,
just know this: I love you both very much, I really do.
I may express anger and frustration in the posts that come before and after,
but nothing changes how I feel about you two.
I'd die for you.
And I mean every word.
Like any person,
I also evolve.
My opinion on something may change the following week, or month or year.
My hope is that I keep growing into a more decent, kind human being.
Keep getting better in mind and body.
Anyway, I should probably have written something more deep and moving.
But it's 7.23am, and I'm exhausted.
AND I have to hit the gym soon. I probably won't until later in the afternoon. Or evening.
The struggle goes on.
Well enough of that.
my wife and daughter would never come across my blog.
Never read my thoughts.
So I could say what I felt at that moment...
even unreasonable, stupid shit.
This blog is a release valve.
But man, the arrogance of that thought, you know?
Thinking they'd never uncover this.
A part of me feels selfish, too.
My daughter when she's old enough should be able to see what her dad was really like.
His stupid and brilliant and angry thoughts.
All of it.
If either of them come across this, and have reached this far,
just know this: I love you both very much, I really do.
I may express anger and frustration in the posts that come before and after,
but nothing changes how I feel about you two.
I'd die for you.
And I mean every word.
Like any person,
I also evolve.
My opinion on something may change the following week, or month or year.
My hope is that I keep growing into a more decent, kind human being.
Keep getting better in mind and body.
Anyway, I should probably have written something more deep and moving.
But it's 7.23am, and I'm exhausted.
AND I have to hit the gym soon. I probably won't until later in the afternoon. Or evening.
The struggle goes on.
Well enough of that.
Still Fucking Exhausted
There were a lot of things I wanted to write about.
From stupid, dangerous extremist, nationalist Indians
who love existing in their own goddamn echo chambers,
to the American election,
to the shit that's happening at my 'workplace'.
I say that because I'm now getting paid only by commission,
and the company continues to fuck up,
especially when it comes to preparing demos.
But right now I'm just exhausted.
34 years old. Holy shit.
Time really does fly.
Still forced to live with my parents.
None of my business ideas have really taken off,
and right now I'm too tired to actually take any meaningful steps forward.
Oh, and I'm still fat as fuck.
Trying to push myself as hard as I can before Korea to see what happens.
If I can lose a lot of weight in two weeks without even focused exercising,
like I did when I visited Australia,
I wonder what a focused approach for a whole month would result in.
Let's see what breaks first.
Well enough of that
From stupid, dangerous extremist, nationalist Indians
who love existing in their own goddamn echo chambers,
to the American election,
to the shit that's happening at my 'workplace'.
I say that because I'm now getting paid only by commission,
and the company continues to fuck up,
especially when it comes to preparing demos.
But right now I'm just exhausted.
34 years old. Holy shit.
Time really does fly.
Still forced to live with my parents.
None of my business ideas have really taken off,
and right now I'm too tired to actually take any meaningful steps forward.
Oh, and I'm still fat as fuck.
Trying to push myself as hard as I can before Korea to see what happens.
If I can lose a lot of weight in two weeks without even focused exercising,
like I did when I visited Australia,
I wonder what a focused approach for a whole month would result in.
Let's see what breaks first.
Well enough of that
Saturday, September 10, 2016
Trying to get Back on Track
It's 10.30am,
and my brain's still groggy. Vision still slightly blurry too.
Oh yea and I've got to go to the bathroom so bad.
The baby's just woken up,
and soon I won't have the time to write anything, so here goes.
Came across this article today:
I can just imagine the goddamn racists trying to explain away
her concerns,
using superficial arguments that totally disregard the main points she's trying to make.
It's basically people trying to argue why they
should be allowed to continue to dehumanise and mock the cultures of people
who have been historically and are currently still discriminated against.
There's a lot more I'd like to say, but there's no more time left.
Well enough of that.
Monday, August 8, 2016
Powerful GIS SaaS
Whoa.
Haven't felt this excited in ages.
It feels like the high I try to get every time I down multiple cups of coffee.
I've got yet another business idea,
and it is going to be MASSIVE.
The others are going to be put on the back-burner until I (try to) get this off the ground.
A powerful GIS SaaS that includes all the advanced functions you'd find
in the workhorse desktop programs like MapInfo and ArcGIS for Desktop.
It'll also include the data that you'd likely need,
from demographic to geographic and everything in between.
All of this. FOR FREE.
I'll be emulating the Zenefits model.
This has the potential to be a major game-changer and just putting together
the initial framework would likely cost tens of millions of dollars.
But it can work. I know it can.
Millions of dollars, man.
Of course there's a little voice deep in me...
calling out in a corner...
telling me that it's the realist.
My 'Common Sense'.
It won't work.
It won't work like all your other goddamn ideas.
But you know what?
I've come this far.
From earning almost nothing,
with people spitting on me,
looking down on me...
to earning a higher than the average university grad.
I've come this far.
What's a few more steps?
Well enough of that.
Haven't felt this excited in ages.
It feels like the high I try to get every time I down multiple cups of coffee.
I've got yet another business idea,
and it is going to be MASSIVE.
The others are going to be put on the back-burner until I (try to) get this off the ground.
A powerful GIS SaaS that includes all the advanced functions you'd find
in the workhorse desktop programs like MapInfo and ArcGIS for Desktop.
It'll also include the data that you'd likely need,
from demographic to geographic and everything in between.
All of this. FOR FREE.
I'll be emulating the Zenefits model.
This has the potential to be a major game-changer and just putting together
the initial framework would likely cost tens of millions of dollars.
But it can work. I know it can.
Millions of dollars, man.
Of course there's a little voice deep in me...
calling out in a corner...
telling me that it's the realist.
My 'Common Sense'.
It won't work.
It won't work like all your other goddamn ideas.
But you know what?
I've come this far.
From earning almost nothing,
with people spitting on me,
looking down on me...
to earning a higher than the average university grad.
I've come this far.
What's a few more steps?
Well enough of that.
Thursday, July 14, 2016
Google Thinks Asians in Asia Just Can't Help Bribing
So I've just completed the first course of Google's online training for partners in Asia.
And guess what the very first slide says?
'Don't bribe'.
This pretty much sets the tone for the rest of the course,
which comes across as a Westerner calmly and patiently explaining to his inherently corrupt Asian counterpart why bribery is wrong,
and what the consequences are.
They were even kind enough to include pictures of goddamn hands holding stacks of cash.
And the motherfucking quiz at the end takes condescension to a whole other level:
Simple questions that are something like 'Is giving money to an official wrong?'
Motherfucker.
And guess what the very first slide says?
'Don't bribe'.
This pretty much sets the tone for the rest of the course,
which comes across as a Westerner calmly and patiently explaining to his inherently corrupt Asian counterpart why bribery is wrong,
and what the consequences are.
They were even kind enough to include pictures of goddamn hands holding stacks of cash.
And the motherfucking quiz at the end takes condescension to a whole other level:
Simple questions that are something like 'Is giving money to an official wrong?'
Motherfucker.
Tuesday, June 21, 2016
Another Goddamn Rant
Was forced to skip another essential gym session last night,
which ended up with many of my other frustrations bubbling up and almost escaping my lips.
But nope.
Gotta be quiet, gotta lie.
To keep the peace.
She's happy so long as she's not the reason I'm upset.
Although she probably knows it,
if I make any subtle hints that she was a contributing factor,
then she gets really upset,
and the whole conversation will once again,
revolve only around her.
I appreciate what she does for me,
for the family, I fucking do.
And I hate the idea that I even have to add this goddamn obvious caveat.
I see where the family's going.
I see it with my dad who's body is falling apart and STILL he has to work,
and not just work,
but worry about losing his fucking job after dedicating his life to the company.
And oh no, it's not like he's earning a lot based on seniority, nope.
To show its 'appreciation',
because of his age,
they've got him on a yearly contract that may or may not be renewed each year.
For lower pay.
Motherfuckers.
Anyway I digress.
Besides the standard family stuff,
there are a few things that are really important to me,
to the point where it falls short of obsession (I hope).
Finally being fit,
and having a six-pack and a big but cut figure (shut the fuck up).
I'm 33 this year and I feel the fucking clock ticking.
Having enough money to NOT have to get into the office.
Work begins in like, three weeks.
I have three weeks of free time. And just the thought of stepping into the office again,
getting up in the morning,
putting on the prerequisite attire,
day in and day out,
while having the spectre of job loss looming over me the whole time.
Just the fucking thought of it.
It's not exactly the work that I hate.
I see the path laid out.
Keep doing the same thing with minor variations for days and weeks and months and years,
with pay increments here and there,
never enough to be fully comfortable though... never enough.
Get an apartment,
worry even more about losing job to make payments...
begin cutting corners in terms of ethics or self-respect...
Keep doing the same thing over and over again.
Until a thing grey carpet covers my head,
until my skin is like the old trees in the oldest parks,
until my back hurts constantly,
until it becomes a struggle to walk.
And have the worry about making ends meet become more intense.
Without my youth and strength,
what will happen if I fall sick?
If she falls sick?
If something happens. A fire maybe. A minor accident even.
No. Fuck no.
If she won't support me,
hey, that's fine.
I still have to do it.
For the little one. For myself. And yes, even for her too, even if she doesn't fucking appreciate it.
Any new plans for businesses,
keep it to yourself.
Got complaints?
Blog about it. Don't whine like a little bitch.
Pretend pretend pretend.
Set a time for the gym,
and be OK with her getting mildly upset that you left even when she wanted your help with something at the time (which, by the way, is most of the time, at all times of the day).
It must be done.
If we were climbing a mountain,
we'd never get to the summit doing things her way.
And what's worse, she'd probably complain about never reaching the summit despite the many fucking breaks we had to take.
Nope.
This must be done.
I'll wind down the fucking chicken business,
and look up what's trending in this shit-hole of a city,
and see if I can make some small change,
before I take another stab at the chicken supply business.
Well enough of that.
which ended up with many of my other frustrations bubbling up and almost escaping my lips.
But nope.
Gotta be quiet, gotta lie.
To keep the peace.
She's happy so long as she's not the reason I'm upset.
Although she probably knows it,
if I make any subtle hints that she was a contributing factor,
then she gets really upset,
and the whole conversation will once again,
revolve only around her.
I appreciate what she does for me,
for the family, I fucking do.
And I hate the idea that I even have to add this goddamn obvious caveat.
I see where the family's going.
I see it with my dad who's body is falling apart and STILL he has to work,
and not just work,
but worry about losing his fucking job after dedicating his life to the company.
And oh no, it's not like he's earning a lot based on seniority, nope.
To show its 'appreciation',
because of his age,
they've got him on a yearly contract that may or may not be renewed each year.
For lower pay.
Motherfuckers.
Anyway I digress.
Besides the standard family stuff,
there are a few things that are really important to me,
to the point where it falls short of obsession (I hope).
Finally being fit,
and having a six-pack and a big but cut figure (shut the fuck up).
I'm 33 this year and I feel the fucking clock ticking.
Having enough money to NOT have to get into the office.
Work begins in like, three weeks.
I have three weeks of free time. And just the thought of stepping into the office again,
getting up in the morning,
putting on the prerequisite attire,
day in and day out,
while having the spectre of job loss looming over me the whole time.
Just the fucking thought of it.
It's not exactly the work that I hate.
I see the path laid out.
Keep doing the same thing with minor variations for days and weeks and months and years,
with pay increments here and there,
never enough to be fully comfortable though... never enough.
Get an apartment,
worry even more about losing job to make payments...
begin cutting corners in terms of ethics or self-respect...
Keep doing the same thing over and over again.
Until a thing grey carpet covers my head,
until my skin is like the old trees in the oldest parks,
until my back hurts constantly,
until it becomes a struggle to walk.
And have the worry about making ends meet become more intense.
Without my youth and strength,
what will happen if I fall sick?
If she falls sick?
If something happens. A fire maybe. A minor accident even.
No. Fuck no.
If she won't support me,
hey, that's fine.
I still have to do it.
For the little one. For myself. And yes, even for her too, even if she doesn't fucking appreciate it.
Any new plans for businesses,
keep it to yourself.
Got complaints?
Blog about it. Don't whine like a little bitch.
Pretend pretend pretend.
Set a time for the gym,
and be OK with her getting mildly upset that you left even when she wanted your help with something at the time (which, by the way, is most of the time, at all times of the day).
It must be done.
If we were climbing a mountain,
we'd never get to the summit doing things her way.
And what's worse, she'd probably complain about never reaching the summit despite the many fucking breaks we had to take.
Nope.
This must be done.
I'll wind down the fucking chicken business,
and look up what's trending in this shit-hole of a city,
and see if I can make some small change,
before I take another stab at the chicken supply business.
Well enough of that.
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