Pastel

So it's Sunday, about 10 minutes to 4pm.
The sun is shining brightly, but it's not hot. Hell, it's an incredibly beautiful day. Sky's bright blue...
and I can feel a cool breeze.

I want to get out there and do SOMETHING with anyone.
But as it so often happens, whenever I flip through my address book I realize...
I'm alone.
Yes, I know... I know... I sound like a fucking emo kid.

What do 'emo kids' have to be 'emo' about anyway?
Their parents won't give them more cash so they can get more ugly-looking 'emo stuff'?
Oh yes. Stuff like eyeliner, special hair gel, shoes... to achieve that 'emo look' that's OH-so-expensive to do.

Not to mention emo music which makes the sound of a thousand toddlers screaming angrily for more pudding seem like a work of pure genius.

If anyone has a right to be 'emo', it's middle-aged adults like me. No family, no friends. Dead-end job. Decaying body (oh come on, you KNOW it is!), and the list just keeps going on and on and on...
WE should be fucking 'emo'.
Plus, if nothing else, we can afford our own clothes, not like those little shits.

Great. I've just realized that my sentences now go on forever.
I used to value brevity. But my vocabulary's in a shambles right now.
I know basic words and how to string together a basic sentence.
No grace. Just crap.

OK fine. My style wasn't grateful to begin with.
Shut the fuck up.

It's going to be extremely hard getting back to the way I was.
Picture trying to grab a chicken high on ecstacy, then multiply it by a hundred.

But eh, I don't have much a choice now do I?

Well enough of that.

Fuck every single one of you.
Have a nice day!



Bitches.

Hamster Wheel

Barely got through the first week of training...
Not that it was hard or anything. Hell, we barely did anything at all.

The whole time, I was struggling not to fall back into my old self. Felt like I was watching the re-run of a
really bad movie.
The idiot struggled to keep himself from going on and on about meaningless shit...
from making lame-ass jokes only he could get...
from being an idiot, basically.
He failed. Not miserably, but yea...

Anyway, it takes me more than an hour to get there, and I'm supposed to arrive on the dot at 8am every morning.
Yep, definitely getting my ass fired soon.

Fell asleep at 2pm, and got up at 9pm. On a goddamn Saturday. I'd been playing Warcraft
the whole morning. Real fucking productive, I know.
I need to eat so I can work out in 2 hours. And right now, I can barely keep my eyes open.

The past couple of months, I've been tired all the damn time. Maybe I've lost the race.
Maybe I already have Diabetes. Eh, who gives a shit?
I got less than 2 years left. I can take it.

Fuck every single one of you.

Have a nice day!

Final Destination

First of all, I need to thank the ones who made the shitty series for making my title sound lame.
Thanks, douchebags.

Anyway, I'm now working at an MNC doing pretty much the same thing I did back at Acronis.
This will probably be my final 'proper' job. By that, I mean once I get my ass fired (pretty sure I will),
the only jobs I'll be able to get will likely be temporary ones.


I'm still missing prayers thanks to my anxiety problems (I'll talk about it later, curious jackass).
It bothers me. A lot. I still get tense when people make eye-contact as they're talking with me.
My neck stiffens especially when anyone talks with me and I'm seated.
I'm aware of it. I'm not nervous. But my body says otherwise. Motherfucker.

Still can't sleep well. And for some insane reason, I can't even string together coherent, grammatically-correct sentences when talking... without tripping up first. I'd think of a word, say it wrongly, then have to repeat it.
Nearly every single goddamn sentence. And I'd fucking KNOW how to say it. My tongue just won't comply.

Hopefully I'll be reading this at the end of my 2 years, and smile at how tough it was to overcome.
But right now I've got to actually DO IT.

Oh, and I fucking hate it there. Everyone's always smiling, asking each other how they're doing. Me included.
IF I WANTED CONSTANT ATTENTION, I'D BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF PEOPLE FOR IT.

Well enough of that.

Monday

Well I suspected when asked me to change my leave to the 1st and 2nd days of July.
And now on Monday, I've found that my access code no longer works.

Real subtle, assholes.

Oh well. I'm glad to get out of here anyway.

Fuck every single one of them

Have a nice day!

What The Hell?

The loneliness... is killing me.
The lame-ness of it is killing me, too.

Motherfucker.

Friday

It's Friday, and still I feel like crap. I've been feeling like crap everyday, lately.
But today's particularly bad. Not only am I in the office with a fever, I also arrived late because no goddamn cabs were available.

The fucking cab company. After a million attempts to get through, the system wouldn't even accept my submission.
I had to press '1' if I wanted a cab at a location where I had previously got one.
No matter how many times I pressed the button, the damn voice kept repeating 'Press 1 for... Press 2 for..'
I was expecting it to go 'NO CHANCE, BITCH' eventually.

What I got instead one of the operators. OK fine.
'Please hold while we process your booking'. 15 minutes later, that damn automated voice re-appeared and went 'NO CHANCE, BITCH'.

I had to take the bus. Got here an hour late.

THEN I had to find out that my application for a week-long leave had been rejected because according to company policy, I have to inform them a month in advance before taking 'long leave'.

Would've been nice to have been informed of the goddamn policy.
But no.
Spring it on me anytime you bitches want, eh?

I want to write more, but I'm exhausted. So later, bitches.

Well enough of that.

Bliss

Holy motherfucking cunt shit cocksucker.

MY GOD is she fucking stupid. How the hell does she even get out of bed every morning?

Must be nice to be THAT stupid and ignorant.

Talk about making a fencepost look like a goddamn genius.


How is it that she can think I'm an assistant,
when I'm the only one in the department?
I do the forecasts, I make sure the PO's come in. I entertain the customers' stupid requests (learn to read the guide, you lazy assholes). Hell, I even determine the price.

I do the work of a manager, and the stupid bitch still thinks I'm an assistant.
I AM ASSISTING MYSELF.

I can only hope and pray that eventually, it will become legal to murder idiots.

Fuck off and die.


Have a nice day!