Less than a week before the Korea trip,
and our funds are running dangerously low. Again.
I can't fucking believe it.
Yea sure, this month has been a little expense-crazy,
with payments due for insurance premiums, Zakat, income tax, the fucking art class.
But if she hadn't continued to spend a fuckton of money AGAIN,
like she'd been doing for every month over the past fucking year,
we wouldn't be in this situation.
Either two or three months ago,
I specifically told her that we needed to cut back.
We examined our spending,
and turns out she'd been overspending on little conveniences.
Things like taxis almost every day,
expensive vitamins that I've said I do not want,
expensive food ingredients because she just felt like cooking unique things on that day.
Why can't we do shit like this in MODERATION.
We're only a family of three,
and each month she spends more than my entire monthly salary
back when I was in tech support.
It is absolutely fucking insane.
Like she doesn't get the concept of money no longer being there after you've spent it.
She keeps doing it.
Non-stop.
Over and over and over and over and over again.
It's my fault as well.
I should've been more firm,
imposed proper controls ages ago.
So this is on me.
I can also see that I cannot rely on her to spend responsibly.
She is incapable of it.
If I were to suddenly lose my job today (which has happened in the past),
there is a big chance we might go homeless.
We're one moderate medical emergency from being financially ruined.
I don't get what the fuck is wrong with her.
Like she only thinks and cares about what happens in the fucking moment.
Like she does not give a shit what happens to our daughter,
her mom,
me,
even herself in the future.
She wants to do something today.
So she'll do it,
regardless of the consequences of doing that exact thing.
And now,
NOW our budget is shot to hell.
How the fuck am I supposed to pay for the car rental in Korea?
We're gonna have to deal with the fucking slimy taxi drivers,
or squeeze with everyone on the trains and buses.
Our daughter will be exhausted and I'll be frustrated.
And worse of all?
She'll be frustrated as well.
And letting her know what got us to this point won't do a goddamn thing.
She'll forget.
And do it again.
And again.
I have to control how she spends our money now.
Was really hoping to avoid this.
Was desperately hoping that she could act responsibly.
But nope.
Now we can't give her mom any money when we leave.
What the fuck was the point of getting her the gold bar, then?
It was meant to be a present that was complemented by a thousand or two dollars
that I wanted to leave her.
But we can't.
So now it'll appear in poor taste,
since she herself is in a bad state and is worried about money.
I cannot fucking believe I let myself reach this point.
Should've stepped in sooner.
Fuck.
And what are we going to do in Korea anyway?
Just sit on our asses, that's what.
Fuck it.
I hate that our daughter will have to go through that,
but even if my wife can't learn,
won't learn,
we still have to face the consequences.
And once we're back in Singapore,
forget about getting cats,
or a car,
or any other new thing.
None of that.
Not a single fucking thing.
First, I'll lower the amount she gets for the food each month.
Then if she still runs out,
I will give her the money every week instead.
If it still doesn't work,
I'll have to buy the groceries myself.
She can share what she wants,
and I can decide if we get it or not.
And outside of work
and presents for friends birthdays (there's only three left in the year),
we won't spend a single extra fucking cent.
I'm seriously considering not getting a single fucking thing
for my sister's wedding.
She'll complain of course.
Get upset.
But I'll be damned if I allow her to
put us at risk of being homeless by catering to her whims every day.
Fuck that shit.
Man, I cannot believe I am earning the most I've ever earned in my life,
and above-average amount each month,
and yet it's being pissed away
on shit that doesn't event last.
We're not even talking about expensive jewellery
or clothes or things like that.
Stupid little temporary things that
we can't even touch after a day or two.
Like spending money on "premium air".
And yea I know... I fucking know...
car rental,
taxis,
being able to fly to Korea...
all of those are luxuries.
Fucked up thing is,
we would absolutely be able to afford all that
and STILL save a lot.
But she keeps spending and spending and spending.
She cannot stop.
And I'm fucking tired of it.
Exhausted.
What the fuck is wrong with her?
Eh you know what?
Fuck it.
I've already got a plan,
so I just have to stick with it and hope it works.
Fuck.
I was hoping to use the vacation to recharge,
take a proper break from work,
get back to where I was before the 3-year mad daily rush.
But I can't now.
I fucking can't.
I have to worry about money.
Because she had to have fucking fancy bread and expensive chicken
and other fucking expensive ingredients,
along with bullshit little things she orders from Amazon and Lazada and Shopee.
No I cannot relax.
I can't.
No, I have to slog through Korea first.
Worry about how we're going to save money each fucking day during and after we've returned.
She'll probably say she cares,
but would use up our life savings in an instant if she were given the chance.
Fuck this shit.
Let's get through it and see what happens.
Well enough of that.
