I remember that day on the playground,
where the weather was nice,
and she was happy, I think.
It's funny,
because I can't even remember which playground it was exactly.
I think it's the one just in front of our (relatively) new place.
She was on the second level,
and was pushing my wife away because she wanted to
try and make friends with the other kids herself.
Oh she was very, very shy,
but she'd resolved to try on her own.
So this little four or five year-old,
climbed up near the kids,
and said in the tiniest of voices
something like "Hi, everybody!" (I forget it was "Hi" or "Hello").
You could see her struggle with the anxiety and shyness
only a toddler could feel,
trying her best to navigate the brand new minefield of social interaction.
But of course,
none of the kids even noticed her.
Not because they were mean or anything,
her voice was too low,
and it was not at all obvious that she was trying to reach out to them.
It broke my heart.
Now I'm not super huge or string,
but I have curled 40KG on each arm,
and used my size and strength to my advantage to resolve issues in the past.
But no matter how strong I thought I was,
in this particular moment,
there was nothing I could do to shield her from that feeling.
Might even have been her first time feeling rejected.
I mean yea, I know she had to learn,
and would've learned at some point,
and our being there to comfort her was better than having her experience that feeling alone.
But yea,
in that moment I felt helpless.
And I know that she'll have to and will
experience similar emotions growing up,
dealing with assholes who will inevitably spring up in her life.
I know this,
but that doesn't mean I have to like it.
All I can do is try and give her the tools she needs
to deal with those emotions,
and let her know that we'll always have her back... and hope for the best.
Anyway,
I can't recall what I did exactly on that day at the playground,
but I think I probably did what I normally do,
invited the other kids to play,
so my daughter would be in a group,
and I think we played for quite some time.
And I think she was happy.
Well enough of that.
