It's been far too long,
and between trying to get fit again,
and getting my work done,
whilst desperately trying (and failing) not to have my daughter feel neglected,
at the risk of sounding like an emo 15 year-old,
it's like I'm losing myself.
Feels like I'm in an endless race,
with a thousand hurdles,
and I'm struggling with each one.
Even now at around 1am,
there's that anxiety,
the anticipation that I won't be able to finish a thought in my head,
let alone a goddamn sentence.
And it's not my daughter's fault.
It's mine.
I need to be firm.
Lock the door for a few hours.
Regain my sanity whilst I work,
and hell,
engage in a hobby or two from time to time.
The struggle to get fit again
is long and painful and depressing.
But unless I get myself out of this slump,
I'll continue to spend most days barely awake,
struggling to finish an email or a proposal or two.
It's like when you keep waking up
every few hours,
as opposed to getting the full 8 hours, you know?
You feel exhausted all damn day.
And I feel that.
Constantly.
Add to that the fact
that the coins I've invested in
have dropped in value somewhat,
so my plans to earn a decent amount every month are kind of on hold.
Hell, I don't even know if I'll be able to get a car
before my daughter begins primary school next year.
On top of that,
there's the depth of craziness in the US right now.
And yea I know Reddit isn't exactly representative of the entire population,
but I think it still provides a good mix.
Some of the people I've interacted with are downright delusional.
They cannot fathom how their country can ever be considered in any way inferior
to any other country that they've been told are
worse off and "evil".
The anger is palpable.
And when you look at the madness of protests,
the sheer and brazen brutality of the armed forces (police, Feds, National Guard),
with no end in sight,
along with the pandemic which rages on,
it makes me very concerned,
even here in Singapore.
And oh yes,
motherfucking Singapore.
Cops have begun using tasers now.
Read an article recently about how four or five
cowards in blue couldn't restrain someone who clearly had mental issues,
and what did they do?
Tase him.
They didn't do it properly,
so they had to restrain him the old-fashioned way.
But then,
why tase him in the first place?
So many things could've gone wrong.
Least of which,
his head could've slammed into the concrete floor.
And for what?
To protect those officers?
IT'S THEIR FUCKING JOB.
We also saw how unnecessary it was
by the follow-up action they took.
Of course the public had no idea
when tasers began being used by the police,
as well as bodycams.
Nope.
We have "journalists" here,
who are basically government mouthpieces.
You rarely get any backstory,
any additional context beyond what the government agency puts out in a press release or conference.
Oh and by the way,
they're making changes to the Employment Pass rules here,
making it more costly to hire expatriates,
in an apparent push to hire more locals.
Now I am fucking against this.
Why?
You see, when they talk about "locals",
they're talking about those of a certain hue.
They may not say it outright,
but ask any minority member
about how difficult it has been and can be to look for a job,
whilst their less-qualified colleagues who just happen to be Chinese,
blithely jump from one job to another within a year or three.
Now don't get me wrong.
I don't really blame them.
You find a decent opportunity elsewhere,
I say go for it.
It's your life.
But the fact that this is largely unacknowledged,
let alone fucking addressed can be infuriating.
I'm so thankful for my current role,
and I'm giving 110% to my current bosses.
Why?
Because they happen to be decent human beings,
Fair yet firm.
Ethical internally, and towards clients.
You sleep well at night,
knowing you've done right by your customers and colleagues alike.
Oh, and they're not local Chinese Singaporeans.
Nope.
It was hard to get to this point.
And most of the roles I've received within the past couple of years
have been due to non-locals.
Even with my specialised experience a few years back,
I could barely get an interview.
An ex-colleague of mine,
a brilliant senior solution architect,
was offered a fucking junior role at the same government agency
where those who had less experience than him were hired for more senior roles.
Now I've got very little doubt
that for a younger version of someone like me,
still trying to make a name of him or herself,
the more expatriates in charge of hiring,
the better.
I mean sure,
everybody brings with them their own biases.
But they also bring different perspectives,
and might not look at the colour of your skin
and decide immediately that you're not even worth talking to.
I still remember growing up,
learning fairly quickly
about how minorities are treated in the job market.
It used to be "Chinese preferred"
but nowadays it's "Chinese-speaking preferred"
as if we can't see right through those racist bastards.
You know what's ironic?
I'm fucking Chinese too.
Maybe not "pure" like a racist bitch colleague once "joked",
but I'm every bit as Chinese as they are.
So yeah.
More nationalities, more ethniticies.
I'm all for it.
Well enough of that.
