New House

Had two phone conversations today that I wish had gone much better.
First was with Fara from Esplanade,
and I wish I hadn't interrupted so many goddamn times
and brought up the loyalty workshop.
I have little doubt she'll think that I was calling simply to sell something.
Well, I did want to sell something,
but I also wanted to see how she was.

One thing I like about this job is that the kind
of people you meet are ones I can actually be friends with.
So Fara, Ramesh, Shane, etc.
So yeah, shouldn't have interrupted,
and shoudn't have tried selling the workshop which I would've known
wouldn't be necessary if I'd just let her speak and simply
asked how things were going over there.

Anyway,
the next conversation was what really prompted me
to start writing again.

I was interviewing a candidate for our soon-to-be-vacant
business development role.

And I actually stumbled.
Simple, grammatically-correct sentences became hard to form.
I wasn't nervous,
and I knew what I wanted to say.
I'd just forgotten the proper way to say it.

This tends to happen when I'm pretty sleepy
and haven't blogged in a while.

And man, there's a lot to blog about.
From my resentment at how my parents (my mom especially)
may have caused me to develop the OCD-like issue with performing prayers,
to neigbourhood preschools and their inability to give a shit about kids who deviate
slightly from what they consider to be "normal" (DIFFERENT KIDS HAVE DIFFERENT PERSONALITIES YOU INCOMPETENT IDIOTS).

But I don't have the energy or the time to handle all of that today.
Within the next couple of days, maybe. Hopefully.

In about 30 minutes, I'll be heading out
to HDB to collect the keys to our first apartment.

I should be happy.
It'll be our first apartment and major purchase.

And I am.
Just... probably not as happy as I should be.

It feels like it's a step back since I'll be moving back into my old neighbourhood.
And more importantly, it's a goddamn HDB apartment.
That means public housing and the restrictions that come with it.
And that's what rubs me the wrong way.

It's PUBLIC HOUSING that costs half a million dollars in
the most expensive city in the world.
AND they put restrictions on what you can do with it, too.
Even if you somehow make a ton of money in the future
and want to buy another property or two after the 5-year
Minimum Occupation Period or MOQ, you can't occupy any of those properties
and lease out your apartment.
Nope.
You've got to sell it.

Oh and by the way,
as part of the MOQ,
if you break up during this period,
the apartment goes back to HDB and they may compensate you
or not.

As I was writing this,
Fara texted me to tell me the gender of Ramesh's baby,
which I wanted to find out.
She'd asked Ramesh and then let me know.
GOD I love dealing with these people man.
Such a refreshing change from the past couple of years.
I think I was dealing mainly with data analyts and others from the BI and mapping departments
and while they weren't hostile or anything,
I never really did become friends with any of my customers.

Well enough of that,
it's time to get outta here.

Anxiety

GOD, just looking at the title I've chosen
reminds me of that goddamn emo phase a long time ago.
But fuck it, I'll leave it up.
I mean, who gives a shit, right?

Writing again after such a long time is
kind of like being back in a gym after a long absence.
It's good that you're back,
you might even feel excited
but at the same time it feels a little intimidating, alien almost.
The whole time your body is telling you that "Hey,
you could just head back and start tomorrow or a few days later!"
Or "Maybe take it easy."

So yeah, kind of like that.

I've recently kind of lost arguments
over racist policies in Singapore.
Mainly because I'd tried to use facts (which were of course in favour),
and when you can't recall them,
it's like trying to cycle without goddamn wheels.

And then it hit me.
Sometimes all you need to do it remember the principle.
Is it OK if a person gets to enjoy certain privileges over another
due to the colour of their skin?
Claiming it's for "the greater good" does nothing
when you and your kids gain better access to jobs
and homes and other services purely due to their ethnicity.

There is no moral argument here.
You want to take the high stand?
Claim it's for the greater good?
How about equalizing the playing field?
Otherwise shut the fuck up about that and admit you're a fucking racist.

Hell you know what?
I'd have more respect for you
if you admitted something like fear
of losing those privileges.
That's something I can emphasise with.
If you'd been living a large bungalow
due to certain policies,
would you want to endorse changes
that could result in your having to live in a smaller house?
How about your kids?

It's unethical, sure.
But understandable.
And it can set the stage for a proper debate.

Oh yeah,
and who decides what "minority" means?
In Singapore, it usually means 'non-Chinese"
or for practical purposes "non-Chinese-looking".
I mean, my grandmother is Chinese, but I look more like an Arab.
So yeah, I typically get assigned the short end of the stick often (though not lately!).

It's all political.
Don't the Chinese Singaporeans who endorse systemic racism
realize that at any time, any "sub-category" of Chinese Singaporeans
could singled out?
I mean, look at the derogatory way they talk about the more recent immigrants from mainland China.
Holy shit.
Sometimes you don't realize you're swimming in your privilege until
the pool becomes filthy and you realize you're trapped.

There's a bunch of other stuff I'd like to rant about,
but I'm getting tired.
And it's only 9.48am. On a goddamn Monday.

Well enough of that.