Fuming

It's 10.14am on the work computer,
and I've got a ton of shit to get through,
especially my leave application for our upcoming three-week stay in Korea.

But I'm fuming.
It's been such a long time since
I've been this angry after reading an article.

Usually I try and not let it affect me as much.
There's so much misery in the world,
from Palestine to Syria to Singapore and every place in between.

Maybe it's because I'd been holding it in,
subconsciously pushing it down,
assuming all that shit doesn't really get to me.

But when I read this article about
a ranch in Texas where boys as little as FIVE YEARS OLD
were horribly abused in all kinds of ways,
I started seeing red.
I wish to be in a room with those fucking
brave and honourable adult men and women
who abused those kids.
Let's see how you stack up against me you motherfuckers.
The whole lot of you, you fucking cunts.

Here's the link to the article about the Cal Farley's Ranch:
https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2017/dec/20/texas-cal-farleys-boys-ranch-stories


And it's still up and running.
Not just that, but thriving!

Regular donations from rich motherfuckers
keep it going.

They've acknowledged
that the abuse had occurred,
but have refused to issue even a simple apology to the victims.

Hell, they're even naming a new dormitory after
one of the abusers.

These were CHILDREN.

Oh and sure,
they claim that the ranch follows best practices now.
Yep.
No abuse is taking place at all.
NO SIR.

Hey hold on a second.
Isn't that what they claimed in the past, too?
From the 1950's all the way to 1990's.

What, are the fine moral upstanding citizens
of Texas going to wait until 50 years later
before acknowledging the abuses happening now?
Because I have little fucking doubt
children are still being tortured there on a daily basis.
Maybe in a more discreet fashion, sure.
Restrict the rapes to late nights,
you know what I mean?
Be more classy about it.

Hell, I wouldn't be surprised
if those wealth motherfucking donors
help themselves to a fine selection of boys
when the fancy strikes them.

Motherfucker.

Well enough of that.

Danger

It's almost 11am,
and as usual I'm struggling
to focus on work
while waiting for a call that could come at any time from a client.

So two days ago,
there was a huge argument at home
between mainly me and my mom, dad, brother.

It started out in the typical stupid
way arguments with them start:
My wife had requested that my mom
help with cleaning that dishes (usually her own)
that tend to fill up the sink and get left there for hours and hours and hours,
making it extremely difficult to cook and clean our daughter's milk bottles.

My wife usually cleans it up for them,
but after five years,
it had gotten to the point where my mom and brother would
just leave their goddamn dishes in there
and not clean up after themselves,
forcing her to clean it for them.
Not so much as a thank-you was given,
This is in addition to the overall mess (mainly caused by my mom) in the kitchen.

And all of the above,
is just a tiny part of the things my mom and brother do,
the way they try and impose themselves on her.
I want to say that they were doing it subconsciously,
but since it's been brought up numerous times,
yea definitely not.
More likely they just couldn't give a shit
so long as it's convenient for them.

But hey, fine.
Back to the argument.
So what sparked it this time?
My mom's comment to a simple request for help
was to tell my wife to either get a maid or not to complain.
Holy fucking shit.

Over the years,
I've realized that speaking with her
won't change anything.
The excuses do change,
but the outcome is always the same.

So instead,
I would've just gladly settled for an admission
and an apology.

She can't even do that.
So we argue.
And I tell my brother to fucking clean up after himself
as he walks by,
then it really went off the rails.

He told me to shut up,
and my dad and mom immediately
began rushing to his defence.
And we're not talking about listening to two sides
and coming to a settlement.

It's basically telling me to shut the hell up.
And even threatening to call the police on me.
Calling me crazy.
It's enough to make you question yourself.
Fortunately this time my wife was there
so she could see for herself.

All those years I'd be alone,
and end up wondering if the problem was me.

You even question your own sanity.
I think I avoided that by starting to break
down incidents to see what happened,
to try and take the emotions out of it.

It almost always begins with their
trying to take something of mine without permission,
to impose on me something that they would like to do.

Same thing here.
It started out with the fucking dishes.
I mean is it really so goddamn hard to clean up after yourselves?

The next morning after I'd left for work,
my mom of course started arguing again with my wife
even after my wife had made it clear she didn't want to talk with her.

As I'm writing this,
I realize that there needs to be so much more written for the sake of context.
The history, the lies my family would tell about me,
the aggravations,
the physical and verbal and mental abuse.

But I don't have much time unfortunately,
so I'll just get to the point.

After that argument,
my wife and my mom kind of made peace (of course,
without resolving the main issue by having her agree to clean up after herself).

My brother came along,
and later my dad.
And together with my mom,
they tried to paint a fake, horrifying picture of me.
Like, if you heard this,
you'd want me to be locked up.

I was this violent,
abusive person.
I had hit him for no reason.
I was the cause of his spinal problem for which he had to get surgery.
According to my brother (and my parents),
I'd beat him up so badly that he needed surgery.

Never mind that he told a completely different story before.
That he'd gotten the surgery when my wife and I were living separately in Pasir Ris.
Never mind the fact that there are no hospital records,
no police reports, nothing.

Never mind the fact that I'm like twice his size,
and if I really wanted to,
I could've destroyed him.
You'd get it if you could see the size difference between us.

Even after all that,
I still wracked my brains.
Did I ever black out or something?
We've fought before as siblings do,
but I've always held back.
Was there a really bad fight where something like this happened?
I mean at the very least I would remember the ambulance, right?
It's not like they'd leave him crumpled on the floor or anything
if it were that serious.

That's the thing about false accusations.
Even after everything,
you still end up second-guessing yourself.

It was a lie.
A disgusting lie that could ruin my life,
and the lives of my wife and daughter.

Even another fucking story
about how I threw a punch for no reason.
Really?
Let's try and take them at their word for a second.
For no reason.
Does that sound realistic?
What kind of image does that paint?
Like they are all constantly huddled in a corner,
trying to avoid the big, violent psychopath when he comes home?

Yes.
For no reason.
If you're going to lie,
lie better, you know?
Think of a story.
People dig stories.

Have I thrown a punch before?
Yep.
BROTHERS FIGHT.
But I've always held back.
And yep,
he has punched me before too.
And kicked me, while they were holding me.
And slapped my face.
Even after all that,
I still held back.

And of course they forget all the shit they did to me,
the beatings up until what, maybe 10 years ago?
Oh they like to bring up the past
as if that's what turned me into the monster that they say I am.

Conveniently sidestepping all the shit they pull today.
Like the fucking mess they create every fucking day
that they expect my wife to clean up after
without so much a motherfucking thank-you.
Like the rudeness that they displayed.
Like the time they keep trying to
touch my daughter the way I'd banned them from doing.
The way they tried (and probably do behind my back)
to feed her sugar despite our telling them not to.
Little things and big things over a period of years.

They even tried to warn my wife that I'd get violent towards her.
As if I'm like my parents,
or their own abusive parents and siblings.

There has got to be a word or phrase for this.
Something like "mob mentality" or "gang mentality".
I think they actually believe it too.
It's like they kept spreading the lies in their own circle
over and over again until it became "truth".

And most people think I exaggerate until
they experience it themselves.
After all the shit that's happened,
at least my wife and my other brother's soon-to-be-ex-wife
understand since they too have experienced the same thing.

The worst part?
We may have to move out and break off contact completely,
which is something I am considering seriously now.

Singapore has around a 99% conviction rate.
Easily "solved" cases contribute towards career advancement for officers and prosecutors.

I'd been accused before
and despite video evidence I was still railroaded into a confession.

But an accusation from a family,
with a few "witnesses"?
I'd get convicted even without proper evidence.
Hell, I can guarantee that if they were asked proper questions,
the lie would be exposed,
but what would it take?
I'd have to be arrested first,
so no money for my wife and daughter.
Then I'd have to have someone post bail.
My wife doesn't have any assets.
I'd also lose my job at this point.

And without a lawyer,
your trial date tends to get delayed time and time again
(not sure if this is still the case, but I've got no reason to believe it's changed).

So what, a trial after one year in jail?
Maybe two? Maybe longer?
All this while, who knows what would happen to my wife?
My mom would love it of course.
To be able to fully control someone.
She's trying to arrange for my incarcerated brother's Indonesian wife
to come to Singapore,
while keeping the fact that her husband's in prison a secret from her parents,
who will be moving to Surabaya from Batam (a goddamn far distance) permanently.

When she's in Singapore,
she will be solely reliant on her for money and accommodation.

And my mom will abuse her,
I just know it.
It'll take time,
but she will get there.
And this time,
the girl won't have a husband around to defend her.

Anyway, conviction or not,
my family is fucked.

And they can throw out this accusation any time.
Hell, my younger brother does interviews
with the media about his company from time to time.
And if he lies to them about me,
my career could be in ruins.
And what am I going to do?
Sue?
Guess who'll go to his defence?
Forget the potential criminal case,
a civil case with "witnesses"?
I'd lose in a heartbeat.

No.
We need to sever contacts with this toxic group.
I don't know what the fuck is wrong with them
or how they got there.
But they are a danger to us.

And I hate this because my daughter
will lose people that she loves.
Her grandmother, grandfather,
uncles and aunts.
She doesn't know yet what they're like.
Maybe it's best that way.

Well enough of that.