Goddamn Racists

It's been a while since I've had a proper argument,
the kind that works your mind,
increases your intelligence.
The kind that forces you to think critically.

When you read article after article involving racism
and the short, racist comments and their responses,
it's easy to just sort of go with the flow.
Keep scrolling down until you see someone who
posts a response that articulates how you feel.

And that's a problem.
I should be able to articulate how I feel.
Depending on others - especially when I don't realize it - makes my mind weak.

Every once in a while I'll get upset at a comment,
and only realize how weak I am when I can't even come up
with a coherent counter-argument in my mind.

This shit takes practice.
I've got to take the same approach when it comes to working out my mind
as well as body.

*Looks down at body*

Goddammit. Looks like I've got a really long way to go.
But hey, the mountain isn't going to climb itself.

Oh yea and before I end this,
fuck the racists and bigots who are opposed to helping out refugees.
Especially the motherfucking faux liberals.

You are the Nazis and Nazi sympathisers.
You are the ones who turned the Jewish children back to be massacred.
You are the ones who support the killing of minorities in other countries,
who cheer the destruction of their homes and livelihoods.

You have existed for centuries and will continue to do so.
Sure your faces and ethnicities may change, but you've always been around.
Like Herpes.
You are the animals who bring the rest of us down.
And you will continue to be opposed.
Fuck all of you.

Well enough of that.

Arrogance

There was a time that I almost believed
my wife and daughter would never come across my blog.
Never read my thoughts.
So I could say what I felt at that moment...
even unreasonable, stupid shit.

This blog is a release valve.

But man, the arrogance of that thought, you know?
Thinking they'd never uncover this.
A part of me feels selfish, too.
My daughter when she's old enough should be able to see what her dad was really like.
His stupid and brilliant and angry thoughts.
All of it.

If either of them come across this, and have reached this far,
just know this: I love you both very much, I really do.

I may express anger and frustration in the posts that come before and after,
but nothing changes how I feel about you two.
I'd die for you.
And I mean every word.

Like any person,
I also evolve.
My opinion on something may change the following week, or month or year.

My hope is that I keep growing into a more decent, kind human being.
Keep getting better in mind and body.

Anyway, I should probably have written something more deep and moving.
But it's 7.23am, and I'm exhausted.
AND I have to hit the gym soon. I probably won't until later in the afternoon. Or evening.

The struggle goes on.

Well enough of that.

Still Fucking Exhausted

There were a lot of things I wanted to write about.

From stupid, dangerous extremist, nationalist Indians
who love existing in their own goddamn echo chambers,
to the American election,
to the shit that's happening at my 'workplace'.
I say that because I'm now getting paid only by commission,
and the company continues to fuck up,
especially when it comes to preparing demos.

But right now I'm just exhausted.
34 years old. Holy shit.
Time really does fly.

Still forced to live with my parents.
None of my business ideas have really taken off,
and right now I'm too tired to actually take any meaningful steps forward.

Oh, and I'm still fat as fuck.
Trying to push myself as hard as I can before Korea to see what happens.
If I can lose a lot of weight in two weeks without even focused exercising,
like I did when I visited Australia,
I wonder what a focused approach for a whole month would result in.
Let's see what breaks first.

Well enough of that