A beautiful Sunday morning,
and I find myself asking, have things gotten better?
Overall, yes.
Will they get worse, likely yes, but hopefully no.
I'm tired again.
Tired of my body that doesn't change as fast as I'd like it to.
Tired of my conniving manager and colleagues at my company,
preventing me from doing my job well.
Tired of the lack of sex.
Even the thought of sex with my wife depresses me because
she'll without a doubt try and speed it up,
as if it were some annoying chore.
She spends less time on sex with me than she does playing a game on her phone.
She's not a heartless bitch or anything like that.
She's a kind, caring, loving person otherwise.
But it's mainly thing one thing.
And I'm tired of bringing it up,
tired of hints,
tired of acting like a motherfucking beggar.
Enough already with that shit.
I guess this is me dealing with the fact that sex will soon be an extremely rare thing,
that occurs only when she feels like it.
Add to that the stress of constantly looking for a new job - I've already talked previously
racism in this goddamn country is - and trying to stay in my current job despite
the efforts of my director...
it just tires me out.
Oh and my injured shoulder is not helping.
I should be resting for a week or two.
But that would mean an even longer delay in getting the look that I want.
No, I'll work through the pain.
A bright, shining spark is our little baby girl.
She's so smart and fierce, she'll undoubtedly kick ass and take names when she's bigger.
But that bright spark also reminds me of a freight train at the end of the tunnel.
A lot of expenses. A lot of money.
Money that I might not have.
I'm just so very tired.
Well enough of that.
