Warped

It's been a bittersweet day.
I've finally begun the process of paying back the decades (!) of prayers owed. By just one.
One small step, and I hope it continues.

So I've just been in a weird situation,
which shouldn't have been weird at all.
But my mind went blank,
and I had no idea what to say.
In my own home.

I'm a mixture of emotions right now,
but the best course of action I believe is to file this incident away,
along with a canned response I have attached to it for future, similar incidents.

And after I end this post,
I'll be moving swiftly on.
Nothing like dwelling on an incident
to overreact the next time something similar happens.

My little sister had gone out to the hall,
and told my younger brother that my mother wanted to sleep outside.
He was folding clothes and watching the news.

When she came out a second time,
I really should've said something,
but for the life of me,
I didn't.

Was it because I didn't want a debate?
Was it because I felt my authority had eroded somewhat?

He has a history of questioning,
making you justify WHY.

But it shouldn't have been a problem for me.
When all else fails,
I can just use 'Just because'.
Also I'm much bigger. Physical objections won't get very far with me.

There's been a slew of unrelated incidents recently,
incidents which I normally go out of my way to avoid.
But in the end, after going through them,
resolving them,
it turns out I really needed to confront those fears, or more accurately, apprehensions.

This is another one.
I will not remain quiet any longer.

So many things going on in this world right now,
particularly the massacre in Gaza.

The daily news (alternative and mainstream)(whatever the hell that means)
makes the world seem like a bleak, depressing place to be in.

I feel for the victims.
But it's important that I pay close attention to my own life,
and not fill my thoughts solely with that type of news.
More positivity is needed. Optimism. Humour.
When I am balanced, will I be in a better position to make the world a better place.


Also, fuck France.

Well, enough of that

Blurry

Not sure if I'm still sleepy,
but I don't really feel it,
except for the fog that's clouding my thoughts,
almost preventing me from forming critical arguments.

Or maybe it's the lack of constant writing.
It's become so easy to let others do the thinking for me,
to form the arguments,
and to just agree with them.

George Galloway, Norman Finkelstein, Glenn Greenwald, Noam Chomsky, amongst others.
Now don't get me wrong,
I trust them, trust their judgement.
They shed light on the dark things in the corners of society,
things that need to be revealed.

But once you start to simply go along with their arguments,
and heavily rely on them to shape and articulate your thoughts on certain issues,
you start to erode your own critical thinking skills.
At least, that's what I feel is happening to me.

And there's so much to think about.
Besides having to counter the usual rubbish that flows
out of Islamophobes' mouths,
I need to think about setting up the smoothie business.
The things I'll need.
How much will it all cost? What's the timeline I'm looking at here?

My mind is being frustratingly sluggish.

But things are looking up.
 
I'm praying regularly now,
combating was-was.
Sometimes I do have bad days,
and I can feel the retaliation happening.
The old, almost-forgotten things that would bother me,
that bothered me in the beginning years ago,
they are starting to resurface.
Unnecessary questions arise from time to time with more frequency.

All this tells me I'm doing the right things.
Retaliation is a good thing.
It means I'm on the right path, and on this path I shall stay.

Well enough of that