At The Gates

It's freezing cold.
My fingers are starting to feel numb.

Looking for more words,
but they are slow coming.

Jacket's not helping much.

Nope, I'm not still in Busan.
The airconditioner is directly above my desk,
and it feels like the bright sunshine outside the large windows nearby is mocking me.

Man. It's been a crazy year.
Not too long ago, I set myself a target: 2 years and I would end it all.

And within those 2 years,
I would give my best to achieve and feel the things I'd always wanted to feel.
That's putting it mildly.

It would be more like a dancer giving in completely to the music,
moving with wild abandon.

Nothing to lose.
I was going to learn how to speak comfortably with people.
Attract women.
I was going to find out what having a successful career feels like.

I was going to LIVE, goddammit.
And end it all on MY terms.


Learned so many things.
Women no longer intimidated me.

Hell, I could strike up a conversation with a whole group,
when in the past, I could barely make eye contact.

Found a great job,
where I met people from all over the world.
That place was my testing ground. I kept what worked, and discarded what didn't.

I flew for the first time ever, to Macau.

A personal vacation in the past,
meant relaxing in Singapore...
maybe I'd watch a movie or have lunch at a nice restaurant.

This time around,
I went a proper, full-on 2-week vacation in Melbourne and Perth!
That was pretty fucking awesome.

The people were so friendly,
and I struck up conversations with strangers easily...

It felt so natural.
In Melbourne, I met up with a few of my clients who became friends...
No longer were they just voices on the phone,
or text in an e-mail.

The city itself was amazing.
So full of life.
The narrow alleyways, and the mixture of old and new architecture.
Hell, even the trams were cool to me.

The beaches, the cool autumn weather, the long walks...
Long walks!
Man oh man... I'd almost forgotten how much I loved to talk walks...

And Perth.
Alright, alright I'll admit...
the place as a whole is pretty boring compared to Melbourne and Singapore...

But if you're looking for a laidback atmosphere...
a place to relax, with wide, wide open spaces...

You would like that place very much.
I know I did.

Stayed with another client who became a friend... a good, reliable friend.
A true friend.

He and his girlfriend make such a cute couple.
Heh.

Now before I continue,
you might be asking yourself 'How did become so breathtakingly lame?'

The answer is simple:
Go fuck yourself.
Seriously.
Go outside, find a nice long branch...
and fuck yourself.

Now that we've settled that,
I'm going to move onto the most amazing thing that has happened to me within the year.
Something I would never have guessed.




In less than two weeks,
I will be married to the most amazing, intriguing woman I've ever known.

Man, of all the unexpected things to happen,
this tops the list.

I'd already decided that marriage was NEVER going to happen for me.
Not with the laws and women the way they are.

Logged into an old OKCupid account...
and chanced upon the description of a Korean-Russian,
living in Beijing.

Now that got me curious.
Not in the sense of dating. I was genuinely curious.

Korean-Russian? Never heard of it.
And living in Beijing?

I was picking up girls in Singapore,
dating casually...

She was in BEIJING, for crying out loud.
But I was drawn to her.

I ran a little bit of game,
but quickly got sucked in.
No, I went in. Willingly. I was eager.

As hard as it was to believe for me at the time,
I was in love with who she was...
Now believe me, looks were pretty important to me at the time...

But I made a new decision.
I didn't really care what she looked like.This woman I'd never met before... I loved her.

We met briefly 6 months ago...
and soon, very soon...
her hand will be in mine,
and we will truly belong to each other.


Yea, yea...
I know... I know...

You could probably find a gazillion men
who wax lyrical about their girlfriends or wives...

Guys who changed their tune when they get screwed over.

But you know what?
Despite the risks. Even if she did leave me...
I would move on.
Oh it would hurt like a motherfucker, no doubt about it.

But I would move on.
And more than that, I would emerge a better man.

That is what she makes me want to be.
I already wanted to succeed...
but she provides that additional push...
when you see the finish line,
and the tank's empty...
yet somehow, you manage to push forward even harder.

That's what she is to me.

So regardless of how it turns out...
I would still be a better man.
Thanks to her.


Here I am,
at the gates to my new life.
And words can barely express my excitement.

So much more to learn.
So much more to experience.

My English has suffered recently,
probably due to a couple of things...
The freezing office, lack of sleep, and staying away from blogging.

Writing this shit helps.
A lot.

I'll probably begin writing again on a regular basis.
Or not.
We'll see.

Been reviewing the 77 Laws,
and the idea of never justifying myself...
was actually giving me a fucking headache.

I mean, how far do you take it?
If you're going to the store, are you supposed to reveal what you want to get?
Or does it stop at what you want to get, and not revealing WHY you want that thing?

And then it hit me.
This is taking up waaay more mental space than is needed.

My definition of it?
Never defending your decision.

If you want to go to the store to get that jam,
then people ask why,
hey, it's because you want to, that's why.
Fuck them.

But it doesn't mean I'm going to begin
narrating the equivalent of a fucking epic novel,
every time I want to do something.

Sometimes I'll reveal what I want in the store,
and sometimes I won't.

And if by now,
you think I'm referring only to a visit to the store,
then please,
smack yourself in the face with a sledgehammer.

You'll be doing us both a favour.


Anyway...
the gates are open now.
And soon I will be walking through them.

But first,
I'll need to take care of this goddamn airconditioner...


Well enough of that