Ah yes, 'Wilderness'.
Makes me sound fucking deep, eh?
Saturday morning,
it's 9 and sunlight fills the entire living room...
open windows frame the trees and white sky...
so bright.
I love days like these.
So last night,
I was out with Jill, Bridget and Vivian...
Now parties at pubs, clubs... aren't exactly my kind of thing.
But I figured eh, hanging out with my friends once in a while can't hurt...
also, it reminds of just how little I'm missing out on.
Heh.
They actually left me alone,
and THEN texted me,
asking where I was... and then saying they'd left.
Jill apologised twice...
which just fucking annoyed me.
That's like apologising to the bank...
WHILE you're robbing it.
To be honest, that was more than fine with me.
In the past, I'd use the opportunity to meet new girls...
and just practice talking with them...
But I was missing my girlfriend.
AND I was pretty damn tired, too.
Nonetheless, Jill and Bridget just placed me in an awkward situation.
I will not tolerate people being assholes towards me.
And being put in a position of how to react on Monday, annoys me greatly.
Ah well.
I'll just roll with it.
Friendships to me, are like any other kind of non-family relationship:
The moment you feel like shit, it's time to bail.
I'll see how they react,
but if I have to cut Jill loose (I'm not very close to Bridget anyway)...
then that's fine.
Doesn't mean I'll start acting like an asshole in return.
Because I'm not pissed.
But I do prefer to surround myself with positive energy... positive people.
Goddammit I sound like a hippie.
But yea...
Friends respect you. Period.
Just had a chat on the phone with an annoying
Customer Service Singaporean...
and her stupidity and ignorance seeped through her voice.
I'm probably just a little biased.
Never really been a big fan of Singaporeans to begin with (bah hahah).
But damn,
even when you make an effort...
some of them seem bent on confirming the stereotypes:
That they are racist... ignorant... can't speak proper English...
And then it hit me.
I was struggling to articulate my thoughts.
Man, I really need to write more often.
And read, too.
My deadline still looms in the distance.
Like distant storm clouds... moving slowly... but steadily towards me.
And yet, I can't imagine my life
without her...
Marriage used to be such a repellant thought to me.
To be tied down to someone...
and practically held hostage,
thanks to the divorce laws...
The risks FAR outweigh the benefits.
But I love her.
Maybe it's just the chemicals.
How many guys have said and felt the exact same thing...
only to get burned?
It works both ways, too.
I've still got my deadline, though.
It is menacing... yet comforts me at the same time.
A way out.
I want to be with her.
I want to have kids with her... grow old together... share inside jokes...
kiss her lips... all of those things.
But I'm also aware of the risks.
Welcome to Life, eh?
Well enough of that
